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to leave my partner because he doesn't want anymore children?

(113 Posts)
CharlMascaras Mon 23-Sep-13 19:29:44

I love my partner and he really is my world.

We have been together for two years and I am getting to the stage where I would like to have a baby. My DP already has a child, well to be fair she isn't a child as she's actually almost 18.

We had the chat about marriage about 6 months ago and he said he never wants to get married again and that it's not really important these days and if it's failed the first time why would it work the second time?

Ok I don't agree but I accepted that.

Now he has told me that he doesn't want anymore children. He and his daughter are like best friends and she lived with him when the divorce was happening (and still does live with us). I am really jealous of their relationship just because I feel like I am never going to experience something like that.

I feel his attitude is - been there and done that and he had the marriage and baby with someone and I will have to miss out on those wonderful experiences because of it.

His mind seems set and I would never consider getting pregnant by "accident" - aibu to call this whole thing off even though I love him?

thebody Wed 25-Sep-13 18:25:54

I don't think he's selfish either. he doesn't want another child and you want to have one.

you either sacrifice your desire for the love if this man or you don't.

if you stay you can't resent.

only you can say how much having your own child jeans to you.

but don't hang around hoping he will change his mind as he may not and you may miss the boat.

thebody Wed 25-Sep-13 18:26:23

I don't think he's selfish either. he doesn't want another child and you want to have one.

you either sacrifice your desire for the love if this man or you don't.

if you stay you can't resent.

only you can say how much having your own child jeans to you.

but don't hang around hoping he will change his mind as he may not and you may miss the boat.

50shadesofslim Wed 12-Oct-16 18:30:58

I am in a similar position and still have no idea what to do, have you come to a decision? My OH has 2 children from a previous relationship. When we first got together I didn't want any children, but have since decided I do, I made my partner aware of this and his answer was basically no definitely not now, and I don't know about in the future. It's really getting me down for a number of reasons but mostly playing on my mind is - does he not see me as the mother of his children, what don't I have that the mother of his children does? I also have PCOS so am going to struggle conceiving - worried about that ticking baby clock sad

Careforadrink Wed 12-Oct-16 18:37:55

I would leave

And I'm sorry I do see him saying no as selfish.

I've seen far too many 2nd wives give up their chance of motherhood when dp already had kids only to find themselves dumped for a younger model but having missed the boat biologically speaking.

With such a high divorce rate children trump men every time imo.

SuramarMom Wed 12-Oct-16 18:41:23

Don't stay with him op, for the love of all that is holy don't stay.

I've seen your future and it isn't pretty.

My sister settled for a man who didn't want children, she thought he would be enough to fill that void.

Now it causes her extreme emotional pain to see her nieces and nephews because the bitterness, resentment and longing for what 'could' have been have warped her completely.

He left her for another woman soon after she hit the menopause.

Dontpanicpyke Wed 12-Oct-16 18:41:46

No he's not being selfish if he was selfish he would continue to string you along.

He doesn't need to explain his reasons really if you don't want kids you don't and it's up to the individual.

His dd is 18 so he has been there and knows what a life long commitment kids are and he doesn't want to commit to another child.

Op please consider if you could live without children because I don't think he will change his mind and you need to understand your feelings and needs and not his.

VeryBitchyRestingFace Wed 12-Oct-16 18:48:24

Zombie thread

ConvincingLiar Wed 12-Oct-16 18:49:08

This is a zombie thread revived 3 years later so I hope that one way or another the OP has found peace and happiness.

50shadesofslim if you've changed your mind you need to give your partner a limited amount of time to reconsider. Then you decide what's most important to you. For me it would be children or the chance of them.

VeryBitchyRestingFace Wed 12-Oct-16 18:50:01

Although of course it would be interesting for OP to come back to her 3 year old thread and give us an update on her situation. grin

mum2Bomg Wed 12-Oct-16 18:51:52

I broke up with someone 10yrs ago as they said they didn't want to get married or have children. They aren't married and they've had no children. I was married in May and expecting in November. You only get one life x

IminaPickle Wed 12-Oct-16 19:09:36

50shadesofslim why don't you start a new thread explaining your situation. This is a very old thread and you'll get mainly responses to the OP.

HairyToity Wed 12-Oct-16 20:02:56

You need to love him more than you want a child. My cousin has no children as her husband didn't want them (think it night be linked to him being oldest of 12). She enjoys travelling and her life with him. She decided she loved being with him more than a child.

HairyToity Wed 12-Oct-16 20:03:53

Walk away if foregoing a child will make you bitter.

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