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to be really cross with my eldest daughter's school?

(113 Posts)
freddiefrog Mon 23-Sep-13 10:19:26

and to have expected them to call me if they were sending her home?

Came home from dropping DD2 at school to find DD1 (who is 11 and started secondary school, 2 and a half weeks ago) sitting on the doorstep as she'd been sent home from school for not wearing correct uniform

DD1 stayed over at a friend's house on Friday night - friend's birthday and they were going out for a pizza and a sleepover. She went straight there from school on Friday and friend's dad dropped her home Saturday afternoon. When she got home she realised that she'd left her school shoes behind. We tried several times over the weekend to contact friend to get the shoes back, but we didn't manage to get hold of her until quite late last night so it was arranged that DD would meet her friend in the school reception area this morning and get her shoes.

DD went off to school this morning in a pair of plain black, lace up plimsoll type shoes with a note from me explaining what had happened. They're not uniform regulation shoes, however, she was only ever going to wear them to school and change into her proper shoes as soon as she got there so I thought it would be fine

She got as far as the gate when a teacher picked up on her shoes and wouldn't let her enter the school grounds and sent her home. DD says she tried to explain to the teacher that her friend was waiting for her in reception with her proper shoes, but he wouldn't listen to a word she said and refused to read the note I'd written.

What if I'd gone off to work or out for the day assuming my DD was safely in school? No one called me, they're not allowed mobile phones in school (they're confiscated every morning and returned every evening) so she doesn't take hers in with her so had no way of contacting me herself

I've taken her back and she's now in school, in the correct shoes, and I've asked for someone to call me as I'm really cross about it.

soverylucky Mon 23-Sep-13 11:32:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DuckToWater Mon 23-Sep-13 11:32:14

Hully - my thoughts precisely. My daughter will be 11 and 2 months when she starts secondary school. I'd be absolutely livid at this sort of thing, particularly as we'd most likely be both out at work.

Even 20 years ago when I was at school, at middling local comp, the school would never have done this. Flouting uniform rules would get you a warning first, then if not corrected parents may be phoned or brought in for a meeting in case there was financial hardship involved. And no-one was ever sent home before speaking to parents first (I hardly remember anyone being sent home full stop). Detention could only be given with 24 hours notice.

It's mind-boggling that this should happen today.

DuckToWater Mon 23-Sep-13 11:34:38

Also it wouldn't have even have been an issue in any event as teachers would have had better things to do than stand at the gate checking uniform! Way to create an atmosphere of mutual mistrust.

Misspixietrix Mon 23-Sep-13 11:36:35

YNBU! This happened to my Best Friends Sister (shes the legal Guardian for her). She got sent home and Best Friend was unaware as she was at work all day! She was furious with the School and rightly so!

Cerisier Mon 23-Sep-13 11:45:02

He refused to read the note? I hope the head wipes the floor with him. Totally unacceptable. I have NEVER heard of a teacher refusing to read a note before. This teacher was not doing his job properly, he was acting like a prison warder. I hope you get a full apology from the head.

freddiefrog Mon 23-Sep-13 11:52:20

Sorry, missed a couple of posts.

She wasn't upset that I wasn't here when she got back, she knew where I was and that I wouldn't be long, and if the worst came to the worst, my friend lives a couple of doors up so she could have got hold of me.

She was upset that she'd been told off and that the teacher wouldn't listen to her. She's a bit of a stickler for rules and hates getting into trouble so was worried about it and embarrassed that it happened in front of all her friends.

It just seemed so silly. Maybe the teacher has heard every excuse under the sun before when it comes to not being in correct uniform, but it was so easy to check whether or not she was pulling a fast one. Her friend was in reception waiting for her with her shoes.

freddiefrog Mon 23-Sep-13 11:54:45

sorry, x-posted. Yes, DD said she tried to explain what had happened but he just kept speaking over her and cutting her off. When she tried to give him the note he wouldn't take it from her.

Remotecontrolduck Mon 23-Sep-13 12:11:15

I have huge issues with schools being like this. DD's school was the same. It's outrageous he refused to let her in to get her shoes. What an awful way to gain respect from students.

He needs an absolute bollocking.

I can't stand the UKs Nazi-esque obsession with uniform. If I was having more kids, I'd move to mainland Europe where they seem to have a bit more of a grip.

steppemum Mon 23-Sep-13 12:20:51

this is horrendous
There are so many what ifs
She could have been sitting on a doorstep in the rain all day if parents out
she is 11 and anything could happen! (and I am normally a laid back, give them independence type)

there are so many reasons for incorrect shoes
My ds had tendon problems last year and had to go to school in unauthorised shoes as he couldn't walk - would teacher have ignored that too?
or wellies/snow boots
or child walks a long way and changes trainers to school shoes
or school shoes strap broke as she put them on and mum has taken it to be repaired.

I think it is the unreasonableness of the teacher which is so irritating, and his refusal to consider the note, sent by parent for exactly this reason.

Nanny0gg Mon 23-Sep-13 12:22:04

I can't quite decide whether or not this is a safeguarding issue too (I don't know the rules with secondary pupils).

They had no idea of your home situation, so to just send her off when they had no idea where she might go or who may be there is nuts.

Copy your e-mail to the CoG.

boschy Mon 23-Sep-13 12:22:32

stupid teacher, what a tosser. I hope the head puts a bomb up his arse! do you have any idea what the head is like? ours does a weekly 'surgery' where you can just go in with any general issues, obviously for something more urgent then you can go direct anyway as you are doing.

I get what you are saying about not wanting to display negativity about the school, that's important. How does DD feel about the place now?

Wibblypiglikesbananas Mon 23-Sep-13 12:28:15

Ok, so play them at their own game. If they're sticklers for rules, find every rule in the book they've failed to stick to today:

1) Safeguarding - hmm, sending your daughter home to a potentially empty house for the day, check.

2) Failure to provide your daughter with education this morning - doesn't sound too good for a SCHOOL.

3) Basic failures of common sense and decency - the guy wouldn't even read your note! Imagine if someone had left an item of uniform after PE. They'd forever be stuck in a Catch 22 kind of situation, not allowed into the changing rooms to retrieve it but instead sent home. Absolutely ridiculous.

I know you've emailed the head, but I'd be emailing again, cc-ing the LA and requesting an appropriate response by X time. Failure to respond will result in you taking this further, including to the press. (The one time I used this line, though in another context, I got a call back within minutes and a profuse apology.) I'd also be asking for written confirmation that this wouldn't happen again, to my child or anyone else, for extra tuition to be provided as DD had missed education this morning and for compensation for time you've spent resolving this rather than working.

NB - 8 months PG, and this thread his irritated me beyond measure!

TheOneWithTheHair Mon 23-Sep-13 12:29:47

I would be furious too. Apart from the safety issue, where is the respect?!

How this teacher can expect to be treated respectfully in future after behaving so appalling to your dd is beyond me.

NonnoMum Mon 23-Sep-13 12:30:09

Def write to the Head and the Chair of Governors describing the incident.

I suggest

- the school failed in its duty of care towards your daughter
- the member of staff did not have the authority to send your daughter home
- the member of staff failed to read a note written by you explaining the situation
- the member of staff failed to listen to your daughter.
- the member of staff prevented your daughter for achieving a possible 100% attendance this term (???)

ivykaty44 Mon 23-Sep-13 12:32:57

so sending a child home from the school gate due to them not having the correct shoes on their feet - this makes standards so much better is the cry from the uniform police.

It comes across as dictatorial and unreasonable and therefore breaks down bonds between parents who support school rules. Schools are better where parents give their support.

This needs to go to the CofG and the teacher needs to be named

MeteorShower Mon 23-Sep-13 12:34:30

I'd be with wibblypig on this.

How fucking DARE the teacher? They have failed in their duty as a school to educate and protect your child and need telling so in no uncertain terms.

And as for being told when children could wear coats to school - er... shock I decide when my child needs to wear a coat, not the school. My DD will be having to walk to secondary when she goes next year and if its raining or cold, she will need to wear a coat. End of. I'm not having any jumped up power crazy twat telling her when she is and isn't allowed to wear the clothing we deem appropriate for the weather"

IceCreamForCrow Mon 23-Sep-13 12:34:40

Yanbu. They esp shouldn't be like this with a new yr7 still settling in.

My dd is also new in yr 7. Her hand was accidentally slammed in the PE changing room door (which apparantly self slams shuthmm) the other day and pe teacher told her to get on with it. Her fingers were rather bruised too and it must have hurt a lot.

Sorry different type of thing, but it's the dismissiveness towards them from some teachers that irks me. Most of the new ones are trying very hard to take on a lot during these first few weeks. Not even reading your note is very poor.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Mon 23-Sep-13 12:36:54

How did he know she lived in walking distance? She could have been driven in from miles away or caught a bus. What an arsehole he is. Fuming on your behalf. Ask to see the head and have him attend the meeting as well.

MeteorShower Mon 23-Sep-13 12:39:02

The more I see about secondary schools and their ridiculous uniform policies, the more I worry about sending DD tbh.

Having to wait for authorisation to wear coats? Not being allowed to wear boots even if that is the appropriate footwear for the weather? Refused entry to school for wearing flat black shoes but not the exact ones stipulated in the rules? What the hell is going on that it has been allowed to get to this stage? Do they REALLY think it makes a difference to educational standards? they don't even HAVE uniforms in many countries yet their kids seem to learn just fine hmm

freddiefrog Mon 23-Sep-13 12:41:18


Have heard back from head. Profuse apologies and wants me and DD to go and see her after school.

Have jotted down all the above to take in with me, the more I think about it, the crosser I am so will have forgotten it all by the time I go in there

freddiefrog Mon 23-Sep-13 12:46:38

They would have known she walks as she comes in through an entrance at the end of a footpath, the car and bus dropper-off-ers have to use a different entrance via the car park/bus stop

Dancergirl Mon 23-Sep-13 12:47:02

I am furious on your behalf, I would be livid.

Let us know what happens with the Head.

Mumsyblouse Mon 23-Sep-13 12:50:14

What is so frustrating here is that clearly you do respect the rules and make absolutely every effort to be on board with them- to the extent of arranging the shoe drop off in Reception.

Baby and the bathwater springs to mine with this obsession over uniform. I'm starting to think schools that enforce uniform to this degree ought to have uniforms for the teachers too (so they can lead by example).

madhairday Mon 23-Sep-13 12:54:33

I am livid on your behalf reading this.

She is only 11 ffs and new to y7. dd is y8 and would be really upset by this. (she got told off for wearing boots to school in the snow last year but that's another story) hmm

I hope the head gives this teacher a complete bollocking and your daughter and you get an apology.

teenagetantrums Mon 23-Sep-13 12:55:04

this whole uniform drives me mad, as I have said before am so glad my DD is now at college and no uniform, really what does it matter what's on their feet, when my DD'S school shoes were stolen from school in P,E, I couldn't replace them for a week as no money so sent her in black trainers with a note they sent her home, so I just called and said fine ill keep her home for a week then until I can get new shoes.They did let her back after 3 days and me offering to show them my bank statement and asking where I was going to magic money up for new shoes and why they couldn't bloody provide lockers for p.e. They should have called youanything could have happened they have a duty of care ect.

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