Nursery worker telling DD she's disgusting

[RiotsNotDiets]

DD (2.5) is potty training,

she's doing really well and is pretty much trained at home and when we go out, she has been having accidents at nursery though.

They have asked me to put her in pull ups, but I have said I'm not happy to do so for 3 reasons
1, because she has virtually no accidents at all with me, her dad or other family members looking after her.
2, because pull ups are just nappies, which I think will be confusing for her and will be a step back.
3, when DD started there they told me that whatever we did WRT potty training to tell them and they would do the same as me.

This was fine and they have been ok with her, and she'd stopped having accidents apart from the odd one. However the other day at nursery she had two accidents (poo) and the nursery worker who had been in told her dad to bring her in pull ups next time. And was saying "so we'll see you in pull ups next week won't we mini riot?" to DD.

Since then, every time DD uses the toilet or the potty, she tells me that it's dirty and disgusting to poo. She says that the nursery worker said so.


AIBU to think that the nursery worker is out of order for telling a child that they are dirty and disgusting for having completely natural bodily functions, and for ordering us to use pull ups when I've made it clear we're not happy to do so?

Also AIBU to think that she's in the wrong profession if she can't understand that we all had to learn sometime and that dealing with accidents is inevitable when you work with toddlers?

[SPBisResisting]

Poor littld girl. Yanbu. Sounds like she anxious at nursery too as you say she doesnt have accidents at home

[quesadilla]

YANBU at all, it sounds like a very unconstructive approach and I would be having a word with the supervisor about it.

[pudseypie]

I would speak to the nursery manager

[mehimandthegirls]

Wow my mamma bear rage would be kicking in right about now.
Go in and say some thing. Having a few 'accidents' at her age is normal. She is doing great!

My nephew (3.2!) goes out side in the garden to pooh secretly so the dog can eat it because his idiot parents laughed and made fun when he had a pooh on the potty.

[Fairylea]

Yanbu.

They are wrong. It doesn't sound like they are being supportive enough and using enough positive encouragement to encourage her to go. Its all very negative, no wonder she is anxious.

[pixiepotter]

Hang on a minute... I wouldn't take the word of a 2 yr old as gospel truth!!!

[Sunnysummer]

Completely out of order for her to say that to your daughter! Definitely complain.

Separately, though, do you think it's fair for either your daughter or the nursery to be dealing with accidents at the volume of 2 poos a day? If it turns out that it's just the one nursery worker causing nerves that's fine, but otherwise it is perhaps not such a bad thing to go with them for a bit. There was a thread on this recently where parents in similar situations had gone to pull-ups but with special names and a shared plan with the nursery staff for returning to pants.

[RiotsNotDiets]

Thanks for the replies, I'm going to try and speak with the manager but I emailed about it last time, and while she'd clearly spoken to the staff, as they stopped talking about pull ups and DD had stopped having nearly as many accidents, but she didn't bother replying to me.

[BrokenSunglasses]

She's 2 and a half. Unless she is a genius, she will not be correctly relaying exactly what the nursery worker said.

If she can tell you that, then she should be able to say when she needs a poo.

[JustBecauseICan]

She has a very good vocabulary for a 2.5 yr old.

What did she really say?

[Rachel778]

No YANBU

[Sparklymommy]

I would definitely go and see the nursery manager. My dd1 went to nursery at 2.5 and then at 3 started preschool. I kept her at nursery two days a week to start with but I wasn't totally happy with it and when dd started asking if she was going to "nice Jackie or mean Jackie" I withdrew her from nursery, where "mean Jackie" was an employee.

Young children do not usually tell lies.

[MrsTomHardy]

I agree you should go in and speak to the manager but do so calmly.

I run a preschool and we've had incidents where children say all sorts of things that just aren't true....its about communication between parent and key worker/manager.

[Thepowerof3]

My DD could say disgusting at that age she pronounced it 'dinscunsting'. I would believe her, it fits in with them wanting her back in pull ups, por girl

[Dramamama]

I would have hit the roof op! Pull ups are a complete waste of time and I know my dd's nursery strongly discourage them.
I would send her in as normal and have a word with the manager about this nn she sounds awful

[curlew]

If it's true it's outrageous.


But I don't think a child having 2 poo accidents in a day is ready to be out of nappies.

[Golferman]

Hmm is it a private nursery? (not that it matters) my wife is an exp. nursery teacher and looked askance at this post and commented that this is par for the course in most PN's in this area. Some private nurseries are focused on the wrong thing in my view; income before childcare.

[Dramamama]

And just for the record my daughter is 2.5 totally normal and can say disgusting no problem amongst other difficult words every child is different.

[Dam58]

I don't understand the pull ups, the staff will still have to change them?

Do you think it's possible that your dd is less ready for potty training than you want her to be?

She shouldn't be pushed into pull ups for the staffs convenience any more than she should be wearing panties when she's not quite ready.
I personally don't like the staffs attitude. I don't like the terminology they're using, "riot"? A little monkey or a mischievous child is one that's drawn all over the wall with crayon, not a child who's had an accident and shouldn't be made to feel self conscious or ashamed about it.

Try not to get to stressed about it...pick your battles.
What do you think you should do?

[DigestivesAndPhiladelphia]

Justbecause - lots of two year olds have an advanced vocabulary. My 2.5 yr old DD speaks very clearly and has done for some time. People do assume she is older because of her speech but I don't think it's that uncommon. If DD told me that an adult had told her she had done something "dirty and disgusting" then I would know she was telling the truth because she repeats conversations word for word.

[Thepowerof3]

It looks like the nursery aren't managing her potty training properly if she's only having accidents there

[ConfusedPixie]

The potty training and disgusting are two different things. My recently 2yo charge has picked up "Ergh, yuck! Disgusting!" from somewhere and does it every single time she poos. If I ask her she tells me that Mummy told her that. If MumBoss asks her she tells her that I told her that.

It's normal for a toddler to pick that up!

However yanbu about the nursery, they need to be doing what you are.

[ConfusedPixie]

Sorry, recently 2.10yo charge, she's nearly three, I thought two different things and merged them

[madmomma]

YANBU what a bitch! Definitely complain

[geekgal]

Definitely complain about what the staff member said, although I can see the point about the double accident meaning she may not be ready to be out of nappies yet. Have you thought about reusables? You can either get pull up types or ones you can button for her to pull up herself, they're more like knickers anyway but much better containment, so the staff get the mess sorted but it won't set back the potty training either, as she'll still feel like she's in knickers.