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To feel disappointed that my Mum considering going away when i'm having my 40th party.

(65 Posts)
Rollergirl1 Sun 22-Sep-13 21:00:59

I have spent the last few months trying to organise my 40th party. I have been talking to my Mum about it the entire time. DH's family will be travelling 250 miles to come to it and various friends quite a long distance too. As an aside I have been getting paranoid that I won't get the numbers and have been confiding to my Mum about this. Then the other day I asked her where she was planning to stay the night of the party. I offered for her to stay at ours or to book a room for her at the hotel that everyone else will be staying at. She said that they might not even be here as they are hoping to go away sometime in the month that my birthday is.

I was a bit upset about this and said that I was a bit disappointed that they were thinking of going away and missing it. She got really narky with me and reminded me that it is her partner's 65th that month also and that is as important to them as my 40th is for me. I could understand that if he was planning to have some kind of a do but he's not. They are retired and can go away whenever they want.

I would just really like my Mum to be there and hoped that she would make an effort to be there. Is that really selfish of me?

kali110 Tue 24-Sep-13 10:50:57

What if the mum or dp cant get time off together except then, or maybe its cheaper then.
Just think that the mom deserves to put herself first now that op is an adult.we dont actually know why the mom has to go away at that time.

coralanne Tue 24-Sep-13 10:56:18

OP said they are retired

coralanne Tue 24-Sep-13 11:01:37

I went to my DH's niece's 40th birthday on Saturday.

It was wonderful. She had all the significant people in her life there.

Her beautiful sister and Mum did all the organizing and most of the cooking.

Next door neighbours of 40 years standing were there and school friends who were also neighbours growing up were there.

Her DD also turned 5 and several of her little friends were there.

It was truly a magical night.

kali110 Tue 24-Sep-13 12:41:16

Yes but we dont know why they have to go at that time. I just think everyones being hard on the mum.i mean things like distance yourself from the mom! We dont know mum anout ops mum, whether shes been there for all of ops life, whether anything is wrong with the dp etc.i think at the mims age she should be allowed to be a bit selfish.

SirChenjin Tue 24-Sep-13 12:43:19

She can be selfish 364 other days of the year.


mrsjay Tue 24-Sep-13 12:49:45

I wonder if all the people saying oh the mum and partner is fine to do what they like would have a holiday or go away on their adults child significant birthday party that you knew was happening or any family occasion at what age would it be ok for to be dismissive of your childs feelngs for a holiday

FunnyRunner Tue 24-Sep-13 12:54:36


Inertia Tue 24-Sep-13 13:33:33

If her partner's birthday is that month I don't get why they have to celebrate the 65th on OP's birthday. Does his birthday cover the entire month?

WingDefence Tue 24-Sep-13 13:38:20


Mojavewonderer Tue 24-Sep-13 18:24:52

Aww that's really nasty of your mother to even consider going away over your birthday sad
Every year my family get together for a meal to celebrate everyone's birthday (that's about 11 birthdays for immediate family) I have 2 siblings and on each of their 40th's we've had a big do and no one would of dreamed of missing it. Mine is awhile away yet but I am looking forward to my big 'do'!

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 24-Sep-13 19:16:52

the fact they might be away means they havnt booked it yet, so can book the weekend before/after - unless you are having your party on mums partners 65th iyswim

heartisaspade Tue 24-Sep-13 20:46:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Talkinpeace Tue 24-Sep-13 21:05:32

I go to my Mum's big birthday parties.
She does not come to mine.
Ever, ever, ever.
I has 2 21sts : one with family, one with friends. I have never mixed them.

thistlelicker Tue 24-Sep-13 21:07:40

My mums planning on going in holiday at the same time
I'm due my
Baby! Crap!!! I get where u coming
From op

Mydelilah Tue 24-Sep-13 21:39:38

When I saw the title I thought you were my DSis! She's on MN somewhere (we've never told each other our nns). Anyway she was going through something similar with our DM who likes to go away at the time of year DSis is planning her 40th party, I think it's been resolved now as DM's holiday won't overlap.

As Coralanne said, DSis wants everyone important to her to be there, is agonising over every detail, has been planning for months and me and her friends are all chipping in, in our own ways, to the evening and DSis would have been very hurt if DPs didn't come so YANBU.

Suggest you talk to your DM about how much this means to you, possibly she doesn't realise that it's for family as well as friends? - can't she work her holiday plans around it?

Hope you have a fab party

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