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To consider marrying this man for his money?

(148 Posts)
PracticalGirl89 Sun 22-Sep-13 20:05:36

Evening MN,

I've obviously namechanged and I'll try to keep this concise.

Basically, In my culture all girls generally used to have arranged marriages, in the past 60 years or so though, finding your own mate has become more and more common. (Not forced marriage, btw but arranged as in the woman's parents arrange introductions to a series of 'suitable' vetted men and she marries the one she is most compatible with.)

Marriage has not been a priority for me so far as I've been focusing more on university and my career, but I'm 24 now and I feel it's time to move on with the next stage of my life.

My parents didn't introduce this man to me, he came to them and asked for my hand in marriage saying that he had heard of me through my work in the community and with various charities, that he had seen me and thought I had the qualities he wanted in a wife and would they allow him to speak with me etc. He was quite persistent and eventually
my parent's told me about him and would I be interested in speaking with him. I was intrigued, said sure and they gave him my number.

He called me on Friday and introduced himself, we spoke for a while, then he asked if we could have dinner. He seemed nice enough and my parents liked him so I agreed, we met up last night and he was lovely- mid 30s, 6'2 , reserved, kind & attractive in a bookish scholar way. He wouldn't talk about his work though, when I asked him what he did for a living he said he was in the medical technology industry but that all he had talked about for the past month was work and he wanted to talk about something different, fair enough. The rest of the evening went well and we made plans to meet again on Tuesday.

I googled him when I came home (as you do) because I had his full name then and found out that his net worth is in the hundreds of millions! I don't want this to be identifiable but I'll say that people in the medical technology industry will have heard of him for sure. He apparently invented some piece of technology, patented it then started his own company at a very young age. He neglected to mention this to either me or my parents and in a small way I feel a bit deceived - when was he going to mention that to me?

I'm feeling conflicted now, I would have seen him again, even if he was just an technician or engineer or whatever because he was a gentleman but the fact that he is rich & driven has swayed me a lot in his favor. Is that insincere? I have read up on him as there are features on him, and his lifestyle is freaking amazing tbh (and I want to be part of that blush blush)

Will he think I googled him if I act differently in spite of myself, the next time I see him? Is it wrong for me to decide to marry someone because they are rich?

(I have ideas for a business that I'd like to set up and charities that I'd like to open and all that would be possible if I married this man, if that makes any difference.)

MikeOxard Sun 22-Sep-13 20:10:44

Sounds like you're getting a bit carried away. Why not just calm down, see how it goes and if you get on over the next few dates then take it from there. I don't see why this is even an issue at the moment.

londonrach Sun 22-Sep-13 20:13:06

Do you like him, fancy him? He sounds like a nice man so please be gentle and kind to him. Forget the money, its nice and makes life easy but having someone you enjoy spending time is more important. X

Whoknowswhocares Sun 22-Sep-13 20:13:21

So you met him a few days ago and are considering marrying for money/anything else ALREADY?
Yabu for that alone!

londonrach Sun 22-Sep-13 20:14:06

Just spend time with him and see how you feel....

beepoff Sun 22-Sep-13 20:14:11

You sound quite young and I guess you are. I think YABU to marry just for money. No amount of money can replace happiness. But that doesn't mean you can't be happy with this man regardless.

Why do you feel deceived? Did you divulge how much money you have? It's vulgar to talk about money on a date and maybe he wants to find someone who wants him for him not his cash.

I think when you meet again you should mention you googled him and found out he's quite the pioneer. Otherwise it will be the elephant in the room.

Stonehaven Sun 22-Sep-13 20:14:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TweenageAngst Sun 22-Sep-13 20:16:57

May be want's a girl who likes him for who he is, not how much money he has. Weeding out the gold diggers by keeping quiet.

hermioneweasley Sun 22-Sep-13 20:19:46

"don't you understand that a girl being pretty is like a man being rich? You don't marry a girl just because she's pretty, but my goodness, doesn't it help?". Gentlement Prefer Blondes.

Don't marry someone you don't like and respect just for money, but if you like him, and seem compatible, then having enough money will certainly eiminate a major source of marital squabbles!

ElizabetaLuknichnaTomanovskaya Sun 22-Sep-13 20:20:30

He didn't tell you about his wealth because he doesn't want to marry a gold digger...maybe?

HildaOgden Sun 22-Sep-13 20:20:35

He'll know,you know.That you are with him for his money,I mean.A man in his position would be well used to women feigning adoration in order to get at his money.The fact that he didn't mention his success suggests to me he is looking for someone who is genuinely interested in him.

You sound quite materialistic....within 48 hours of speaking to him you are already making plans for his cash.While you might think he's right for you,I don't think you're right for him.

Squitten Sun 22-Sep-13 20:21:44

Of course you can't marry him purely for his money!

What happens if his business goes bust or he is bankrupted? He may have money but what is his attitude towards YOU having money? If he also comes from a conservative culture, he may have no intention of letting you anywhere NEAR his cash! Maybe he wants a nice obedient wife instead who will stay at home with his kids.

You need to get to know this man very well indeed before even considering any further steps

StuntGirl Sun 22-Sep-13 20:22:29

Isn't that quite a lot of identifiable information you've put up here about him?

YourHandInMyHand Sun 22-Sep-13 20:22:45

Just get to know him and see how you feel about each other.

hiddenhome Sun 22-Sep-13 20:22:55

There's a lot to be said for not having to worry about paying the bills wink

Onesleeptillwembley Sun 22-Sep-13 20:22:57

I am pretty sceptical about this, but I'll give you what you want - if you're happy to be bought, by all means.

saulaboutme Sun 22-Sep-13 20:23:20

So what if he has bad habits or whatever, will you tolerate it because he's loaded?
I don't think you'll be happy unless you fall in love regardless of his money.

VenusDeWillendorf Sun 22-Sep-13 20:23:40

See how it goes.
I'm sure you'll make the right choice, and one that your parents will be happy with too.

Best wishes to you.

KittensoftPuppydog Sun 22-Sep-13 20:24:25

What's wrong with liking someone who has made a success of himself? It sounds like he is very smart, and let's face it, money is very lovely.
What concerns me is how conservative he sounds. Asking your parents if he can talk to you and suggesting marriage before you have got to know each other. I realise that a lot of people do things this way. Only you can know how you feel about this, but to me it seems like a bit of a leap in the dark.

Auntfini Sun 22-Sep-13 20:24:32

I assume he didn't tell you about his job in detail precisely because he must often get women feeling this way about him because of his money! Or if not, he's worried that they will do... So you've done probably exactly what he's afraid of.

I think you're getting slightly carried away and being a bit unfair to him, but if as you say you are actually attracted to him, then I would meet him again and see how it goes. I don't think you should be thinking about businesses you can found with his money!!

StuntGirl Sun 22-Sep-13 20:25:18

having enough money will certainly eliminate a major source of marital squabbles!

He has the money. OP has no idea if she will ever get her mitts on any of this money. One partner being very strongly in power (and financial power is very strong indeed) might lead to a whole host of other squabbles and misery.

Scaredycat3000 Sun 22-Sep-13 20:25:59

He didn't tell you about his money so you didn't react in this way! He sounds lovely, wanting to meet and possibly marry a woman he had heard so many good things about. Try and remain the person he heard about, don't make it all about the money. The old saying money doesn't make you happy doesn't change because it's mega bucks. He's after a love match or he'd be flashing his cash about somewhere tacky. What a shame you Googled him, I'm sure most of us would have done to, you will never truly know if the money or him.

SugarHut Sun 22-Sep-13 20:27:12

Yes. Totally unreasonable.

My DP now lives in another country, but is still on the Sunday Times rich list. Very near the top. And I won't even bother saying what he's worth because I can't be arsed with the "troll troll troll" crap.

We are not married, been on/off for the last 4 years. Let me tell you right now, if a guy like this gets the tiniest sniff you are after his money, you won't last the night, let alone the marriage. And forget the prenup thing, they are barely worth what they are written on, a good lawyer will tear one apart. He's not dumb, he will have protected everything.

Do NOT marry this man for his money. I'm a big believer in karma. The reason my DP keeps coming back to me is that I've never been after his money, and never taken/asked anything from him. Yes, it gives me and DS and incredible lifestyle (when we are together) but when we have split, I have deliberately walked away with nothing every time. Which is what makes us so genuine.

If you saw my DP, you'd throw your loose change at him, wonderfully scruffy bugger most of the time, he tells people (who don't recognise him) that he works in a bank. Your chap sounds similar, which is why he hid this part of him, he can spot the money grabbers a mile off and he's seen and been approached by thousands of them. And I don't mean full on golddigger trash. Even those that show the tiniest bit of interest in the bank balance, these guys have such a (warranted) chip on their shoulder about people solely being after their wallet, they run a mile at the slightest hint.

So, my advice is, if you genuinely like him, go for it smile If he doesn't set that spark inside you, and you're just stringing it out for the lifestyle then walk away now, because it won't take him long to detect that in you anyway.

ExitPursuedByADragon Sun 22-Sep-13 20:28:41

He sought you out?

headlesslambrini Sun 22-Sep-13 20:30:35

all good relationships are based on honesty. Chances are one of the qualities he is looking for is honesty.

Curiosity is a natural emotion. explained that you liked him and wanted to find out more about him before you allowed to get too involved. He has obviously found out about you before he spoken to your parents. Kinda the same thing really.

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