To think turning up early is just as rude as being late ?(64 Posts)
My PIL do this all the time...and it drives me up the wall! So today we said come at a certain time and they turned up twenty minutes early ...we were still getting dressed ( not cos we'd just got up but cos we'd both just been to the gym) ...so they had cats bum faces cos we weren't ready and they clearly thought we were just lazing around....why why do they do this?!
I don't think I've ever been late for anything in my life. I was even born on my due date I've never slept in for anything either.
I always arrive early to doctors app/dentist etc. just 5 or 10 minutes. I detest being late. If I'm going to friends/family I turn up bang on time.
Turning up hours early I'd say it was inconvenient but not really rude. I guess it's a compliment and they can't wait to see you
When I was a teenager I was always late getting to my mums. Now she always tells me a time an hour earlier than the time I'm expected and as I'm now 30 I arrive at the time given. Then I get in trouble for being early lol
I would rather be early than late, but we now have PILs trained to send us a text when they are 20 minutes away, so that we can scramble around and be ready for them. Sometimes if they are stupidly early they head to a cafe or go and buy the papers (they don't tell us, they just do it). This is due to the couple of times they turned up early and found us still in bed or getting dressed.
My own DParents are a lost cause and will always arrive at least 30 minutes early. But at least they are predictable and we can make allowances!
The height of rudeness is to turn up early for a children's party (more than a couple of minutes) unless you are there to help with the setup. Those last ten minutes before the start of a party can be critical. At our last party we had a few children dropped off 15 minutes early, a couple of them being rather clingy, and we still had a few small-but-important jobs to do that didn't get done and caused us problems later.
When you turn up early, you are arriving before you have been invited.
It is not on. <stern>
I operate on the just in time principle. If you arrive 20 mins early I will not be ready and inwardly I would be annoyed and flustered. I would much rather you be a bit late if its just a matter of coming to visit me at home.
Better early than late. Think of it in life terms - if you are late for an interview it looks bad, late for a plane or train you miss it, late for a doctors appointment you lose it, late for an exam you fail it. Early for any of these things is no problem. 20 minutes is not a problem but if they are constantly an hour early then have a word or get used to it and accommodate it. My father in law says he'll be here at 10am, he always arrives about 9.15am. I just expect it now and get ready earlier. If he was always an hour late and I was waiting around it would piss me off a lot more. It is hard to be punctual, you are always either slightly early or slightly late unless you live walking distance away from where you're going.
Being late is extremely rude, it shows a lack of thought or care for the person you are meeting IMO (its my biggest pet hate!), obviously things happen and people are unexpectedly late which is fine of course.
Being early isn't rude if its family, if it is for a dinner party/party or something it would be frustrating as usually the host is preparing up until the last minute then maybe it is a bit annoying but not really rude.
I did think your were going to say 2 hours early or something but most people would usually be dressed 20 mins before doing something I think. Some of the descriptions of people being early are quite rude though and the huffing etc is definitely rude but not being 20 mins early.
Why can't you just say, look we don't mind you being early etc but we won't be ready till x o clock so you can make yourselves a cuppa etc.
They certainly shouldn't be huffy about it but I don't mind family or close friends being early. They are welcome unannounced too
My mum does this. I asked her to come for 8am and she turned up at 7.10am!!!
I can be the same turning up early so I would sit outside or walk about until it was time to go or whatever.
But I would rather be early than late.
A few minutes late or early is fine but being way too early is as rude as late in my book, and as far as my business is concerned drives me mad.I work from home and several clients would often turn up much earlier than arranged ,and sometimes even when Im still half dressed and getting readying the mornings.I start early enough! I had to get tougher and point out diplomatically that earlier can be as bad as late.
With your PILs try telling them half an hour later than you actually want them to come,or say you will be out doing something else just before they come and so no-one will be in till their expected time.Good luck!
My parents always come early! Which is a bit annoying if you're getting ready but at least I can say 'you're early, I'm not ready, help yourself to a cup of tea'.
"Hi, come in. Make yourself a cup of tea while we finish getting ready". Would be my response.
They are family after all.
I could've written this post myself! I'm naturally a late arriver, but because I know it annoys people I keep it in check and make an effort to be on time for people who are more punctual than me. My ILs however can often turn up 2 hours early and it drives me insane, especially if I'm still in bed!
I don't mind waiting around but I hate feeling rushed so IMO being extrememly early is much ruder than being late!
Im always early I get panicy in I feel I wont get there on time always beem like this I get the earlier bus or train and always leave min 30 min early if traveling
I am happy to sit in the car around the corner of family friends houses till the right time
I don't think it's as rude as being late, but it is a bit rude.
A text saying "we're a bit early so we will just nip to the shops if there's anything you need" gives the host the chance to reply "don't be daft, come straight round so long as you don't mind my hoovering round you" or "oh actually another pint of milk would save us a job, thanks!".
Someone did this to me last week. I was hoovering and hadn't emptied the bathroom bin. I threw the Hoover in the cupboard and hoped they wouldn't want a wee before I did.
This fits in with the other thread about cultural norms for turning up for dinner/parties etc.....
I always thought that in the UK it is perceived etiquette to arrive a few minutes after the designated time... that is certainly what I was taught by my etiquette-driven parents but the times they are a changing....
I think though that if your PILs do it all the time you may just have to adjust yourselves to being ready half an hour earlier than you might otherwise like!
It's worse when it's delivery or workmen arriving early!
I've had people wait outside my door, because I was actually still commuting home, so couldn't possibly have been there earlier.
If I book it for 6pm, it's 6pm, not 5:40, fgs.
My dad tends to arrive earlier too.
I once had a friend arrive 1 hour earlier for a party, but it was the day after a clock change. She hadn't realised.
YANBU. It's not fair on the hosts to arrive when they might not be ready.
Yanbu. My father always arrives at least an hour early. We have often been out and he has rung saying I am waiting outside. Drives me demented. Yet he does if every single time. One day he called in at 9.00 when he was due for lunch at 1.30. It was the first morning dd1 slept in so myself and DH were fast asleep in bed until the bell went. I was so annoyed but years later he still does it. I find it more rude then being late.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
I had friends who always did this. They had destructive children, so getting the house ready was important, and I really resented the imposition. They lived 40 mins drive away and often managed to be around 40 mins early!
YANBU I hate this it is so rude. If I ever arrive somewhere more than 5/10 minutes early I would park up the road and read the paper or go and get a coffee
YANBU! I cannot stand it if someone turns up especially early (I'm still at the 2hr30m mentioned earlier) I don't keep my house pristine so it would be really embarrassing if someone turned up especially early as I wouldn't have finished tidying up.
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