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To think there's nothing wrong with marrying the only man you've ever had sex with?

(132 Posts)
MoveYourArmsLikeHenry Sat 21-Sep-13 23:16:07

I'm 25 and married and have only ever had sex with my DH. Some of my friends think this is weird and one even remarked that she felt sorry for me as I have not had much "variety" hmm

I didn't think it was sad or weird and im very happy with my DH. Probably just my autism rearing its head but she made a joke about it with another friend in front of me and seemed to brag that she had slept with atleast 10 people and I felt a bit pathetic about only sleeping with one person.

Don't even know why she brought the conversation up but wish she hadnt. I felt embarrassed and our other friend could see how upset I was and said "guess we know who the bike of the group is". This made me laugh.

But really what wrong with only sleeping with one person?

MoveYourArmsLikeHenry Sat 21-Sep-13 23:59:39

Thank you jessie your post makes a lot of sense. Be it 1 or 100 partners, nobody should be judged

TheBigJessie Sun 22-Sep-13 00:04:31

Also, TiggyD, does "elle ajoute un chapeau" happen to mean anything to you?

If it does, hi, and thanks! grin [stalker emoticon]

TiggyD Sun 22-Sep-13 00:12:14

No it doesn't. confused

BOF Sun 22-Sep-13 00:15:07

It's just none of anybody else's business, and very gauche of her to bring it up: jeez, you're not in school any more. Treat that sort of attempt to embarrass you with the contempt it deserves.

MrsMook Sun 22-Sep-13 00:16:40

I'm married to my first partner. I was just lucky to fall in love with the right person when I was in early adulthood. Apparently I'm his 3rd, not bad for being 10yrs older.

Beats having had a load of heartache first!

It's probably more common than you'd think, just not seen as very cool and bragable these days.

Jan49 Sun 22-Sep-13 00:21:00

I married the only man I ever slept with and I was his only ever partner at the time. I'm divorced now. But not for that reason. Having multiple partners is a health risk. I suppose most people consider it worth the risk, like driving a car knowing you have an increased chance of death compared to walking.

There's nothing wrong at all with sleeping with only one person. TBH I think it's the ideal but doesn't work for most people.

ILoveAFullFridge Sun 22-Sep-13 00:22:46

"There is nothing wrong but variety and novelty are fun in themselves, it just seems sad to settle down so early.

But I guess you don't know what you miss so it is understandable you are in AIBU."

But if you're happy you don't miss anything. Why is it sad? That would be like saying that practicing Jews/Muslims/Buddhists/vegans are sad because they miss out on pork and other foods. But if they are spiritually fulfilled they don't feel the restriction.

ILoveAFullFridge Sun 22-Sep-13 00:23:56

And nothing wrong with only ever having had one partner.

Plenty wrong with mocking that.

80sMum Sun 22-Sep-13 00:28:24

Nothing wrong with that at all!

Morloth Sun 22-Sep-13 00:30:09

I married DH when I was 21.

Neither of us had had sex with anymore (or since! ).

Wouldn't have it any other way.

Different strokes for different folks.

Summerblaze Sun 22-Sep-13 00:47:07

I met dh when we were both 14. Neither of us had obviously been with anyone else or since.

We celebrated 21 years together this year, married for 13 and have 3dc. Not only that but I still like him, love him and am attracted to him which is more than can be said for a lot of people I know. The sex is great. He may be the best in the world or the worst but as I have nothing to compare it to, it doesn't matter as long as we both enjoy it.

That said, I don't think it is wrong for people to have had previous partners. If I hadn't met dh, I may have been the same. I have had people say the same to me. Don't let it bother u. Enjoy your relationship.

murasaki Sun 22-Sep-13 00:49:17

There is nothing wrong with sleeping with only one person.
And there is noting wrong with sleeping with lots of people (provided you're sensible about precautions).

Neither choice should be judged.

MyBaby1day Sun 22-Sep-13 01:05:13

YANBU, it's lovely that you are like that smile

Sandychick31 Sun 22-Sep-13 01:06:49

No imo YANBU.

AbiJen Sun 22-Sep-13 01:13:05

Not everyone believes in sex before marriage. I married my husband because he was perfect for me, soul mates blahblahblah, then after marriage, had sex. Any woman who has had an amazing orgasms knows that they are based on an amazing relationship. If you're in tune with each other, then you're going to please each other, but that's only what I know, and mine's very good for me...

A statistic for you ...over 50% of couples that married in the 30 years are now divorced.

We as humans are territorial and insecure, and we can't cope with knowing about previous partners and questioning the relationship you have. Is he right for me, did he get on better with ... , i saw him looking at her, is he displaying disloyalty. Go figure, huh...

TheRunawayTrain Sun 22-Sep-13 01:15:30

YANBU. Who you sleep with should be your choice- and if you met the man you loved, then you wouldn't be sleeping with anyone else, so one partner is kind of fine. Like sleeping with 10, 20, 30, 40 or whatever number of people. All fine.

I have slept with well over 20 people. My choice. My friend openly talks about the fact he DH is her first time. Her choice. No worries.

LEMisdisappointed Sun 22-Sep-13 01:17:16

I have slept with more men than I care to remember. I wish that I had only ever slept with dp.

ukatlast Sun 22-Sep-13 01:33:29

What Jan49 said 'Having multiple partners is a health risk'

Cookiepants Sun 22-Sep-13 01:33:29

If it ain't broke, don't fix it! I met my DH at 15, now 29 and still happy with my choice grin. I don't feel like I've missed out being messed around and disappointed, I count myself lucky I found a man who makes me happy on the first go!

squoosh Sun 22-Sep-13 01:41:27

'I felt embarrassed and our other friend could see how upset I was and said "guess we know who the bike of the group is". This made me laugh.'

Wow OP you sound like a charmer! So it's awful for someone to poke fun at you but you're more than happy to sneer at someone who's made different choices to you?

Yep, you sound just lovely.


SlobAtHome Sun 22-Sep-13 01:47:44

Nothing wrong with either. I don't see how bedroom (hallway/kitchen/garden wink) activities are anyone else's business except for those involved confused

LillyNotOfTheValley Sun 22-Sep-13 01:54:24

What would be weird is to have sex with someone else just for the purpose of not having one partner in your life! If you are happy woth your DH there is nothing wrong.

MrsKoala Sun 22-Sep-13 03:36:19

It wouldn't work for me personally. I like to have lots of partners and it's the one thing i really miss when in a relationship - so yes i do think it's a little odd compared to my experience. The only 2 people i know who married their first partner ended very badly as they hit their 30's and felt they had really missed out and had 'midlife crisis' and left their wives.

Lo at 'missing out on pork ', very appropriate comparison given the subject matter grin

FryOneFatManic Sun 22-Sep-13 04:16:03

I've only slept with DP. We've been together 27 years.

DP had had a couple of previous relationships, including a shortlived marriage, but only about 2-3 people in total (and I'm friends with his ex wife).

I don't think it's right to judge others for how many people they've slept with; it'll be what's right for them and we're all different.

The only thing that ever slightly worries me is whether I'd be able to have sex with someone else if anything ever happened to DP and I found myself dating again. Not that I really dated in the first place. Met DP at 18, we clicked and here we are years later. But our sex life has been enjoyable so I would want to try it with someone else, I'd just be a bit nervous.

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