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to ask how to deal with my lazy cunt fella,i swear im going to bin bag him!

(93 Posts)
gettingrightfuckedoff Sat 21-Sep-13 10:55:04

Could be along one but hang on in there need some constructive advice not just LTB!

I have been with DP for 3 years, we have a 6 month LO.
Just had a row (him at the bottom of stairs me at the top) because I didn't bring him his sausage butty in to the front room while he was sat on his fat arse,he did have LO on his knee though.

Firstly we usually get on great and hardly ever argue He is quite passive. He would give me his last penny. we love each other a lot.

BUT I cant cope with his laziness, its always been an issue and its what we argue about if we do.

Ive always done 99% of the house work, I don't know if it's because I lived on my own for suck a long time, I just get on with things when they need doing or Im mothering him and why the fuck should I /why do that? The other 1% is when I remind him to wash his plate.

So before I had LO I worked full time but came home before DP and did chores and did evening meal, which would be ready for when DP got in. The odd occasion he did cook, he would completely fuck the kitchen up so in the end I just said don't bother.

When I had LO nothing changed, id had EC and lost a lot of blood, I really struggled. DP skipped of to fucking work every day, its something i still throw at him while I was doing fairy steps trying to breast feed LO with bleeding nipples, no sleep and clean the house I cant sit in mess, so I don't know if im being anal

fast forward to 6 months on still nothings changed, probably got worse actually. As DP is now paying all the bills Im sure it gives him even more right to think he is the king of the fucking manor. LO is in bed by the time he gets back so he literally sees her for 1 hour before he goes work in the morning.

I bring her in for cuddle in bed. I normally deal with her during the night as he wakes her up more bumbling about. Then I will get up to get her breakfast as I pass the landing he will shout "can u run the bath..." so I did then as I go down stairs he will shout " can u just iron my shirt" .. which I have started to refuse to do.

If he makes a drink, he will leave cupboard door open, juice bottle on side, empty glass then fucking walk away from it!

When we have tea at night, he will leave his empty plate next to him and sit the all night not moving, waiting for me to walk past to take it in or when I get up ask me to 'just make him a drink, or pass him a towel when in the bath, once or twice I don't mind but its EVERY time.

He will come in from work and unchanged on the spot, put his foot ball kit on and walk out leaving a pile of clothes there like he has just vanished.

When he comes home, when I try to talk to him about something he is that absorbed with sky sports he cant take his fucking eyes off telly to acknowledge what ive said, I did actually talk to his the other night about the ignorance and he apologised.

All I do is nag now, I hate it. He called me a stupid idiot this morning, I called him a lazy cunt, he stormed out to work. All because I didn't bring his butty in and hand it to him. I actually forgot to, baby was crying as she was tired as LO has not slept well so neither did I I was just more concerned with thinking that I would have to take LO off DP as he cant settle LO and eat my sarnie with her on my knee, pulling my hair and putting her fingers in my mouth and hoping the caffine in my coffee would kick in sharpish.

Im so fed up, ive had a cry. I know he is taking the piss big time, and if he cant see that he is bang out of order then we have massive problems. He does NOTHING. I am the cleaning fairy,the food fairy, the washing fairy,cleaning fairy ect...

I'm not his mum, waitress,maid! His dad is the fucking same.

I have talked to him over this before and he always says sorry he knows he should do more but nothing ever changes. I have to 'ask' him to help with LO too. I could punch him in the throat.


FutTheShuckUp Sat 21-Sep-13 10:59:03

You have enabled this behaviour for so long he will think its his right to do fuck all. Very depressing.

CadleCrap Sat 21-Sep-13 11:02:29

I think you are going to have to learn to sit in a mess.

Stop picking up after him - if he leaves his clothes on the floor - leave them.

YouTheCat Sat 21-Sep-13 11:02:36

Just stop doing it.

Tell him you are not going to be passing him this and getting him that and that if he wants a drink he knows where the kettle is and he can make you one too while he's about it.

If he makes a mess, tell him to clear up.

The bulk of the housework will probably fall to you as you're home more but that doesn't give him the right to do bugger all. If he needs a shirt he's going to have to iron it himself.

Good luck.

LeaveTheBastid Sat 21-Sep-13 11:04:24

How much easier life would be without an extra child to look after.

gettingrightfuckedoff Sat 21-Sep-13 11:07:04

youthecat doing the bulk I don't mind as I am home and I actually don't mind. Its just got to the point I feel like his personal skivvy.

I have tried leaving his mess, he dosnt care/see it. Honestly if I didn't live here the house would be like one of those of the tv where they hoard stuff and have to climb over bottle of piss!

YouTheCat Sat 21-Sep-13 11:12:38

Can you talk to him when he's calm (maybe turn the tv off wink )? Ask him what he'd do if you were ill in hospital? He needs to know how to cope with the everyday things that need doing.

I think it's going to be a long road of 'retraining' if this has been instilled by his parents.

gettingrightfuckedoff Sat 21-Sep-13 11:16:53

youthecat he knows how to do day to day but why should he do it when I will. He didn't even know how to make LO breakfast till I shown him yesterday. The instructions are on the friggin box FGS! He just acts stupid so ill do every thing.

Fairy1303 Sat 21-Sep-13 11:23:07

I feel for you. I am also living with a lazy fucking cunt of a manchild - and we've also just had a row so I'm on board with this thread!

Firstly - my tactic, and things are getting better - is to tell him what needs doing. and then give him no option but to do it. e.g. deposit baby onto lap. explain that next feed is due in 30 mins. explain that all bottles need washing/sterilising as last night I was too busy cleaning up his shit again.

then go back upstairs to bed for a lie in.

I also can't live in mess, and I have high standards whilst he has exceptionally low ones. I have tried to meet in the middle.

I am also very VERY explicit about what needs doing. This sounds ridiculous and mothering but genuinely he doesn't see things like I do - i.e - oh, there is a pile of laundry to do... or oh - the bathroom needs cleaning etc.

I will now say - the living room needs hovering - I'm cleaning the bathroom, would you mind doing it or would you rather do the bathroom?
no room for negotiation or no then is there!

Stop putting up with this. I'm certainly not going to anymore.

gettingrightfuckedoff Sat 21-Sep-13 11:32:01

fairy I have done similar in the past but think why the fuck should I? He is a grown adult. I'm going to have to start again.

When I talked to my dgm about it she told me to stop nagging and get on with it! At least I don't have to scrub overalls out side ! I'm thinking a list of chores but that makes him seem about 10 which he fucking acts like I'm not going to speak to him all day now.

YouTheCat Sat 21-Sep-13 11:32:50

I had one of those. Couldn't make up a bottle or read the instructions. Phoned me when I had a rare night at my friend's because the babies were teething and he couldn't be arsed to read the instructions on the calpol, so I ended up having to go home. Couldn't work the washer. hmm

Tbh I got rid but there was more to it than him being a lazy twat.

Go with what Fairy said. Tell him what needs doing.

FetchezLaVache Sat 21-Sep-13 11:36:23

It's not so much the laziness, it's the sense of his entitlement to treat you as his personal slave. Sounds like communication isn't his forte. Does he often shout at you for not doing something he hadn't in fact asked you to do?

enormouse Sat 21-Sep-13 11:46:44

Atm I'm pissed off at my DP for letting the place get into a state while I was away. I was away Thursday afternoon and evening and then Friday and I said 'just don't let the kitchen mess build up, everything else can be taken care of'. The place was a complete tip, obviously he'd sat there and watched tv with DS and played on his kindle/laptop. This is not the first time this has happened.
I'm now making him clean it up whilst barking out instructions (you need to hoover now, put another load in the dishwasher, take the laundry out, put the breadmaker on etc ) and have taken away the kindle and laptop. Hopefully a few weeks of crap Saturdays will get his arse in gear and realise it's easier to clean as he goes along.

Could you try something like that op?

gettingrightfuckedoff Sat 21-Sep-13 11:54:55

fetc dp never shouts at me anything.

I picked carried my sarnie in and picked LO up of dp. He looked confused and looked at my plate and said " where's mine " I said in kitchen. His bottom lip came out and said " u had a free hand!" I lost it and said I'm not ur fucking skivvy and it went from there.

As a poster said it is the sence of entitlement that fucks me off too

FlapJackFlossie Sat 21-Sep-13 11:56:06

YoutheCat - so I ended up having to go home.

THAT was a big mistake ^^

diddl Sat 21-Sep-13 11:58:54

With my teenage daughter, I dump stuff on her bed.

YouTheCat Sat 21-Sep-13 11:59:29

It was. I did explain to him how much to give and what to do. But after the 4th call in half an hour, I gave up.

Yama Sat 21-Sep-13 12:02:11

Do you know, I've half a mind to bring up dd to be lazy. Just so that she won't put up with this shit when she's older.

I have no advice [helpful] but I would imagine that the resentment you must feel can't be good for your health.

RhondaJean Sat 21-Sep-13 12:02:41

Diddl I was just about to suggest that.

I live with 3 messy buggers and I'm not th tidiest myself I admit but if I think they are taking the piss the whole lot - dirty clothes, plates, rubbish, whatever - goes on their bed (or their pillow in DH case).

I don't have to do it often but I don't see why I should nag them to keep our living space reasonable or why I should do it for them.

Op, get the laundry basket, pile his shit in it, dump it on his pillow.


gettingrightfuckedoff Sat 21-Sep-13 12:09:11

I think Saturdays /Sundays are now gonna be his chore day.
Like I said before I didn't mind doing general house work and home all day. It's just the sheer fucking laziness of leaving crisp packets, empty drink cans just disrespectful shit. Our car is terrible !!!!! Every time u get in a fill a carrier bag full if shit!

I think as he pays for every thing he sees it as he ducking pays for me!

WireCat Sat 21-Sep-13 12:10:09

Stop doing all he unnecessary shit for him, like running his bath & ironing his stuff.
The housework I couldn't let slide, but I'd put all his crap on his side of the bed. Or get a big box & put all his stuff in there.

There is no excuse for lazy bastardness. He's learnt it from his dad, but then again, he's not thick, he can see what needs doing.

spongebobscardypants Sat 21-Sep-13 12:12:12

I feel ur pain angry I have ended up leaving DH mingin socks by the bed in a pile and literally not wash any of his shit! I leave his rank plates out and go out so I don't have to see it. Takes a few days but it works! Leaving the cupboard doors open irritate the fuck out of me tho. I happily go round slamming them to make a point. I also get the lord of the manor thing. My point is if I didn't provide childcare myself he wouldn't be able to work the hours he does! So I enable him to earn the money it's a joint effort, or so they say grin

gettingrightfuckedoff Sat 21-Sep-13 12:31:11

Ha ha auto text for my potty mouth!

QueOnda Sat 21-Sep-13 12:38:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

olidusUrsus Sat 21-Sep-13 12:42:35

You have to start letting some things slide.

Stop picking up after him, stop washing his plates, stop ironing his shirts, stop making him drinks, stop running his baths and stop telling him what to do. Just leave it and let him work it out.

You say you don't mind doing it but the problem is he doesn't mind you doing it either.

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