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if I report my neighbour to the police for harassment

(37 Posts)
AbiJen Fri 20-Sep-13 22:00:07

I have an awkward situation whereby for the past 30 years access to mine and the neighbours back doors is via a shared path, due to both houses having had side extensions, there is literally 4 feet distance between both party walls. The area outside my gate and the neighbours has always stored our bins.

She wants a gate between the two houses along this path, I don't. the last tenants made life difficult, they became territorial over this shared space. I couldn't even walk out my gate without their dog barking at me and the kids. (huge rottweiler, bigger than my 2 little ones).

I could build a fence but it means that the one building the fence will only have 18 inches walk way because you cannot construct a fence in someone else's foundation, it has to be built 6 inches from the centre. So no one has ever built a fence.

One day, I came home and she's moved all 4 of the bins out of their usual place, and stored her bins there. I've had my bins there for 8 years and the tenants have kept theirs against their wall. It's never ever been an issue. I didnt do or say anything, but I have decided not to put my bins against their wall, I have put them, instead along the shared path and that's meant there's about 18 inches of space for any of us to use.

Anyway, I cut some of their overgrown holly in the front - my kids like to climb the tree in the front and it's got their holly growing on it. I always clear out the overgrowth around the 2 oak trees outside my house and binned this into the green bin, apart from what couldn't fit in. SK solutions picked up the oak tree overgrowth that I had left neatly in a pile by the tree, as they usually and very kindly do, but left their holly.

When I was out, Emma came round and told my son, a young lad, that I was making it difficult for her to buy the house because of the holly. At that point I didn't think we had a relationship problem nor that they were investigating buying the house.

So at the weekend she got her fella to have a go at my husband, who without batting his eye, was more than happy to clear the holly.

Now, the house opposite to us is having work done. We have trucks, skips and mini vans parked there all day long. Some days I cant get onto the drive, so today I parked outside her house. This evening, she came round and told me to move the car. "sorry to be a pain, but I have a guest coming and my husband will be home soon so you need to move it sooner rather than later" and gave me that stern look mothers give to children when we're enforcing 'tidy your room before I get back!" kind of look.
What would you do? I was on the phone and whilst I remained nice, I felt she was rude and threatening in a mum telling me off way.
I want to go over and tell her whats what, but I don't want to fall out with her. She's obviously got a chip on her shoulder, she does have 2 squealing kids who she keeps telling to "shut up", they're 2 and 7! She bought them a puppy which I do feel sorry for, the boy keeps harrasing it and I always hear it whimpering. I know she's clearly got issues, but what a jerk? Or am I being sensitive.
I haven't moved the car, been too busy.

AbiJen Sun 22-Sep-13 16:21:02

If I put my bins against her wall, then I'm escalating a situation.

My husband is on their side, and thinks I'm a complete arse for getting upset.

But I agree with MikeOxard, if I don't confront the situation stating my rights, maybe nicely... then they'll assert their "rights"

This has become a cold war with unsaid words.

digerd Sun 22-Sep-13 12:48:20

These council rules about "offering the cuttings/prunings back to the righful owner" was mainly intended for fruit that was attached to the cuttings.

digerd Sun 22-Sep-13 12:42:28

The law about neighbours bushes/trees hanging over your space, is that you should offer the cuttings back but if they say they don't want them back then you have to dispose of them.
I can't stand the evil glare that some battleaxes do< my neighbour used on me, but the worst was when she turned into a snarling, shouting shrek looking thing>.

She put her bin on your side leaving you no room so you have no other choice than to put your bin on her side.

BoozyBear Sun 22-Sep-13 12:01:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MikeOxard Sun 22-Sep-13 11:51:14

1. Seriously, there are the same number of bins and the same amount of space as there always was. If she puts her bins where yours were, then put yours where hers were - against her wall or not, doesn't matter as she's done the same to you anyway. Simple.

2.You don't legally have to give her holly back - you technically do have to offer it back, but no bugger is ever going to say 'yes I want it back', so have a convo, establish she doesn't want cuttings back (and I think you've already actually established this from her convo with your son), and then next time you cut anything in your garden, just get bloody rid of it yourself.

3. Park where you want, and don't let her think she can tell you otherwise. Tell her in no uncertain terms that you can and will park wherever is legal and convenient, she won't mention it again, as you are in the right and there's f all she can say/do. If however you keep saying 'oh yes, your space, I'll move' then she will keep asking.

AbiJen Sat 21-Sep-13 23:20:39

@vtechjazz You are correct. I have let this silly thing fester and balloon.

this evening, the bins have been moved about again... I don't have anywhere but the narrow area to put my bins, or possibly against their house wall in the shared space... but we've established they are being a bit territorial about the shared space...

Anyway, it's obvious that she's getting a bit annoyed about it all, so I'm going to have to sort it out with cake and coffee, or (hopefully not) fists.

AbiJen Sat 21-Sep-13 23:09:21

mis read it all.
1;Shared space had both sets of bins, always, she's decided hers go against my wall, leaving me no where to put mine, I'm not pathetic enough to lean my bins against her wall, i.e., she's being territorial over the shared space.
2;Her holly is overgrowing into my garden, onto my tree's that my kids play on. The oak tree is out in the street, I maintain because the council don't (cutbacks) but they will clear the cuttings. They didn't clear her holly, that legally I must return back to her.
3;I pay road tax, I'll park my car legally anywhere I can. Outside her house suited because my other neighbour's having work done and I can't park outside my house. We are all neighbourly & friendly over here, apart from this newcomer. She did tell me she didnt like where she was living before. I put it down to her attitude!

pixiepotter Sat 21-Sep-13 15:21:29

Ok well I am finding this hard to follow, but from what i can gather your beefs are:-
1 You normally keepyour bins in the shared passageway and now she has moved hers there
2 You took it upon yourself to chopped down your oak and her holly and then disposed of your oak but left the holly for her to dispose of.
3 She asked you to move your car which was parked outside her house?

vtechjazz Sat 21-Sep-13 15:02:54

Somehow, when you live next to people the trivial things seem to worm their way into your head and balloon into obsession! I know I've furiously twitched my curtains over the merest hint if a cat on my drive, let alone a stray football!!

turnaroundbrighteyes Sat 21-Sep-13 13:38:04

Might have misunderstood, but can understand her being annoyed if you went onto her property to cut her Holly without asking and left it in mess (she wasn't to know it was left for the council and may not have wanted it cutting or anyone on her property).

Bins and gate seems like a misunderstanding.

Car, lol, sorry we couldn't get onto our drive will move as soon as its clear.

All small things hopefully u can sort with a friendly chat.

MikeOxard Sat 21-Sep-13 09:47:29

Sounds a bit annoying, but as you have thankfully realised, you clearly need to get a grip. When she does or says something annoying next time, don't nod and smile and then get annoyed - that's silly. Be assertive and tell her what you think. "No I won't be moving my car" "But I have a guest blablabla" "Well I'm afraid they'll have to park somewhere else". Job done.

sweetmelissa Sat 21-Sep-13 08:36:58

Sorry, this has made me laugh - OP, hopefully when you are not so stressed you will be able to laugh at it too!

ps it's 8.30am and I think I have told my children, my foster children and also my husband to "shut up" at least a dozen times already this morning!!!!

AgentZigzag Sat 21-Sep-13 00:04:44

It's shitty when you've got anything but a pleasant appropriately chatty neighbour.

The people who've known you for 8 years will just roll their eyes and ignore, I'm sure.

Just be calm with her, and then ignore her too smile

Driz Fri 20-Sep-13 23:33:02

Aw OP you are sweet.
She does sound annoying and unreasonable, best to just ignore ignore ignore

AbiJen Fri 20-Sep-13 23:11:12


AbiJen Fri 20-Sep-13 23:05:46

Seriously people, I am honestly fed up of her, and posting this has been good for me. Sometimes we need a reality check, so I appreciate you laughing, ok, maybe not at me, but at the situation. It made me realise how dumb I sound for getting my knickers in a twist over it.

I don't think I've conveyed how annoyed she seems to be, very well. I'm not in the habit of slagging people off. I just got fed up today.

She didn't ask my son to pass on a message though we assume it was a message. My son told me she came over and was very angry, was ranting about the holly (which I left on the grass verge for, like I said, the council to pick up, so not even in her garden or in her way). He's a 15 year old boy, dragged away from Minecraft to answer the door to some crazy woman. lol.

Also, I know she has been complaining about me to a neighbour further up the road who's 2 daughters have been friends with my older kids (in the same school and year). I can't fathom how she thinks she can come here and suddenly turn people against me. People whom I've know for 8 years and have been good friends with. Bizarre. Like I said, she got me fed up today with her whining about her husband needing to park outside the house. In case his poor legs should tire from parking behind me and however long my car is, further away. I was getting worried she'd knock on my door again, telling me to move. He's home and probably told her to get a life. lol, just like I need to.
Right, I'm off to bed, read a good book.

Thank you guys for the wake up call. I know there are real issues out there, sleep well

gordyslovesheep Fri 20-Sep-13 22:49:38

I'm honestly NOT laughing at you - just confused as to the actual issue? I don't see where she told your kids off - only the bit where she asked your son to pass on a message

sorry x

QuintessentialShadows Fri 20-Sep-13 22:44:59

Unless you had parked across a dropped kerb, I dont see why you should have to move your car. The street is public, right? And anybody can park there!

AgentZigzag Fri 20-Sep-13 22:38:19

Was there a specific reason her DH needed that space for his car?

Annoying for them, but guests can just park elsewhere.

It would be a bit cheeky if she was getting territorial about the space outside her house.

Have you moved your car yet?

AbiJen Fri 20-Sep-13 22:33:37

nah! I'm not a perfect parent, far from it - I f up plenty- and I'm glad my life is good, but wtf? I don't need some jerk telling my kids off for a chip on their shoulder, and you're all right.

Sometimes, i think when you get caught up in a situation, like i have, ie I cant see what i've done to piss her off, I've over analysed the situation and made it seem bigger and worse than it is.

So while you're all laughing at this/me, it's actually made me realise this is a bit of a naff problem to even discuss, but for that very reason, I'm glad I posted it.

thank you

Driz Fri 20-Sep-13 22:32:52

Gordy grin

ladygoingGaga Fri 20-Sep-13 22:32:12

judgemental aside

Jesus, you couldn't get your judgey pants further up your arse if you tried.

I actually feel sorry for the neighbour

AgentZigzag Fri 20-Sep-13 22:31:29

Are you saying your neighbours are renting the house next door (with shared path) and they're thinking of buying it?

But why would the holly make it difficult for her to buy the house?

Does the holly belong to her?

I can't see anything in your OP that looks negative or is harassment, but you talk about other times you've talked to her (at least about the gate, why didn't you want a gate, wouldn't it mean you'd see them less?) so maybe there's more to it than just your OP?

TakingTheStairs Fri 20-Sep-13 22:29:01

Sounds to me like you are creating problems in your head that don't exist in real life.

PartyFops Fri 20-Sep-13 22:27:02

YABU, be glad you have no worse problems.

HTH grin

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