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To ask what the secret is go get people to remember when they've made plans with you?

(17 Posts)
dorisdaydream Fri 20-Sep-13 16:25:22

Because I'd say 80% of things that anyone arranges with me either get cancelled or forgotten about by the other person. It's got to the stage now where I've stopped instigated plans with others as they just simply never go ahead. People end up cancelling or forgetting and then making plans with others.

And even now when people suggest to me that we meet up, they still forget. What's the secret to getting them to remember? Are you supposed to FB chat said person each day and say how you are looking forward to meeting up on Thursday or something?

Last week I was invited to a friend's house for lunch. She lives in a town about 30 miles away. She invited me a week before, and we arranged the time etc. I arrived at the planned time and she was out, shopping in the city with another friend and she'd 'forgotten' she'd invited me.

Then another friend invited me to meet her in town one day this week, to go shopping and out for lunch. On the morning she sent me a FB message saying she was sorry but she'd forgotten she was meeting me and had now arranged to meet another friend instead.

And another friend is very flakey; she'll make plans with me, at her suggestion, then when I try to confirm them she'll act like she never said it in the first place and as if I'm making it all up.

I'm really quite fed up with it. The people that cancel on me seem to have plenty of time to make plans with other people and they stick to the plans, yet they cancel on me. I tell people I'm disappointed 'Oh no that's a shame, I was really looking forward to it', and make it obvious I'm not happy at being cancelled on or forgotten about but it still happens.

lunar1 Fri 20-Sep-13 16:28:25

Make better friends!

YouTheCat Fri 20-Sep-13 16:29:00

Doris, it's time for a clear out. Get some new friends.

Could you do an evening class or something to meet some new people?

Pagwatch Fri 20-Sep-13 16:29:02

It doesn't happen much so I am not sure if I already have a technique.

I usually text or email to confirm and/or (depending how far in advance) make contact the day before to make sure.

If a friend pretended we hadn't arranged to meet more than once,I would arrange to meet her again. That's just too much like hard work.

Delilahlilah Fri 20-Sep-13 16:29:05

Give them a taste of their own medicine? I would be pissed to travel 30m to be 'forgotten'...

spongebob13 Fri 20-Sep-13 16:29:58

well I have often said to someone "you must call around for lunch", they say" yeah lovely am off work wed" etc but I would always double check its going ahead a day or two before.

so if you had made plans for lunch a week in advance I would still be checking in a day before to see if they are still free, where we meeting, will I bring anything etc.

the FB cancellation was rude. especially that morning at last minute and to say her excuse was she forgot and was going with someone else? that was rude rude rude!!

CaptainSweatPants Fri 20-Sep-13 16:30:50

You definitely need new friends

YouTheCat Fri 20-Sep-13 16:34:12

Can you pat them metaphorically on the head and say 'oooh it's must be terrible when your memory starts to go'? grin

I would always text the day before to make sure things were all fine. I also put dates into my phone and set up reminders so my old brain doesn't forget.

There really is no excuse (bar emergency) and they are just very bad-mannered.

drivingmisslazy Fri 20-Sep-13 16:35:26

Agree you need new friend. smile

Bowlersarm Fri 20-Sep-13 16:36:04

Generally I text the day before to say 'looking forward to seeing you tomorrow/for lunch/at 3.00' or whatever.

avolt Fri 20-Sep-13 16:39:48

I always text on the morning and say are they still on for meeting up.

Having said that, I've weeded out the couple of people I knew who used to drop me for a better offer and no longer see them any more.

I feel you need to do the same.

racmun Fri 20-Sep-13 16:42:25

You poor things its not a nice feeling to be dropped.

Not sure what to say other than try and meet so e nicer friends.

CoffeeTea103 Fri 20-Sep-13 16:43:18

Do you confirm at least the day before or early enough if you are still meeting up? With Plans made weeks in advance, sometimes you do forget.

sittinginthesun Fri 20-Sep-13 16:46:04

I had a friend who did this to me three times. I dumped her - she still doesn't understand why, even though I explained it quite bluntly.

Other friends, I text a couple of days before to check.

BackforGood Fri 20-Sep-13 16:48:32

Agree, you need to make better friends. Can't say this has ever happened to me with a friend. Well, I have a friend who was my mobile hairdresser who did this a few times, and the answer was I now have a new hairdresser.
I suppose if all other qualities are fab and you want to keep her, then you need to text the evening before, or earlier in the day to say "looking forwards to seeing you at {insert time}", or,, "Seeing as how you completely forgot last time, this is an official reminder".

Jan49 Fri 20-Sep-13 16:58:15

I've got a friend who sounds like one of yours. She never actually cancels anything. She just denies there was any arrangement to meet. She also suggests things I don't want to do and won't take no for an answer, which makes me feel uncomfortable, so I spend ages dreading her trying to pin me down to a date for the thing I don't want to do and weirdly she never mentions it again. I once spent the entire 6 week school holiday reluctant to arrange anything with anyone else as I'd told her what dates I was free and I felt I couldn't then arrange anything with anyone else until she'd let me know. Last year I moved house so I'm much further away from her. She has now spent an entire year claiming she is coming to see me really soon. I actually felt under extra pressure to sort things out so she could visit when we'd first moved, but the minute I said it was possible, she backtracked. I now just ignore her comments in texts about visiting soon. Whew, that was

Perhaps you could text/phone on the day and don't go unless you've had a definite response to say it's still on.

dorisdaydream Sun 22-Sep-13 14:06:38

Thanks everyone. I think I'm going to have to distance myself from those that are flaky with me. It just drives me mad that they seem to manage to remember plans with others and have 'fantastic' days/nights out with others but I'm always forgotten.

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