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To tell dd she can't go on school trip

(56 Posts)
EvaBeaversProtege Fri 20-Sep-13 08:16:04

Dd (11) has already been on one residential this term. It was a class bonding trip as she has just started yr8 in a new school.

We had to pay £30 for the trip, even though it was labelled a 'residential' they didn't stay overnight, we're home by 4pm.

She came home last week, said she'd joined a sports team & as part of the bonding they had been asked on a residential. Same place, same cost, just with different people.

At that time I told her if she wanted to go she would have to do mOre chores in the house to earn the cost as we've been paying money left, right and centre for the last three weeks.

She agreed.

Day one, no chores, too much homework.
Day two, only one (unload dishwasher) and she didn't put the dishes away
Day three, again, too much homework hmm yet when I enter the study she's glued to YouTube.

Anyway, in my mind she didn't keep her end of the bargain, but yesterday it all hit the fan.

She has a mental block re: maths. Says she can't do it, hates it, her maths teacher 'hates her' and gets her name wrong all the time (have said teacher has so many new names to learn, cut her some slack)

But it's no coincidence that DH is amazing at maths, part of his job etc... So yesterday when dd was saying "daddy you'll have to do my maths for me, I font understand it" I said l

FrauMoose Fri 20-Sep-13 14:37:58

If I had been unable to ask my father for help with my Maths O-level I probably would not have passed. I had a teacher who was basically not very good at finding different ways to explain things, but had been put in a set with people who seemed to be picking up concepts without difficulty. As I was quite able I felt quite panicky at suddenly not knowing what I was meant to do. Although I listened and asked the teacher for help - the teacher just thought I was being awkward and difficult.

I do think parents need to be able to help children when there are difficulties of this type - supporting them with the homework and also liaising with the school when a child is struggling. If I was the original poster's daughter, I could imagine getting really angry if one parent told me I couldn't ask the other one for help.

Saffyz Fri 20-Sep-13 17:23:49

There's a new requirement that children who don't achieve at least a Grade C in English and Maths will keep studying them until they are 18.

Saffyz Fri 20-Sep-13 17:24:01

GCSE that is.

EvaBeaversProtege Fri 20-Sep-13 17:58:01

Hi all, OP here.

Thanks for all the advice & I can see where those who say I'm U are coming from.

We're in NI, she's y8 & they sit transfer (11 plus) in p7 (last yr of primary)

The thing with the maths (and I'm not making it up) dd can do it. It wasn't even maths as such, she had to write down correlations positive & negative ones - no numbers involved. Ie: sunny weather/sun cream sold etc...

Anyway I'm getting off the issue:

Dd is my only daughter, she doesn't have regular chores, she doesn't even lift her towel after a shower (my fault I know) so the point of her having chores wasn't to earn money, it was simply for her to 'earn' the trip, which isn't essential.

I have no objections whatsoever about her asking her daddy for help, he generally does, the only reason I put that in the post is as its what caused her to tell me to shut up.

Thanks for reading & taking time to advise, I'm on phone so can't name check, but I'm going to relook at how I relate things to each other. It began with 'do the chores, earn the trip' a) she didn't do the chores (which weren't big, unload dishwasher, bring washing from her room which she should be doing anyway)

I do know changing to big school is a big thing, but she's a good mixer & has had no issues.

(whilst typing this she said mammy I told E & J I couldn't go on the trip as we had an argument & I spoke to you in a rude way. E said she wouldn't be allowed to go either)

sashh Fri 20-Sep-13 19:42:53

I think with the maths, get dad to help with the concept, with work sheets that are similar from elsewhere, then she should do the home work on her own.

If she is having genuine difficulty she will be encouraged as she will be doing the maths homework herself, if she just wants dad to do it she will start doing her homework.

I think you are right re not going on trips if she hasn't earned them but I think earning can be chores, jobs, working hard at school, finishing all homework on time etc etc.

greenfolder Fri 20-Sep-13 20:57:44

i dont think you are being harsh- she is just not used to being held to account. my dds would try the same stuff.

maths is easy to call her bluff. offer to write in her book that she didnt understand it and can the teacher go over it? that usually brings those that can but cant be bothered to their senses- dont want to be embarrassed in front of the teacher/their friends.

if she is rude to you and wont muck in- very valid reasons for no trip. next time she will know you mean it. in the meantime have a proper conversation at a quiet time. you expect her to pick up her towel, put stuff away because she is old enough/should be- but you and husband need to be on the same page

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