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to wonder why gentle parents are often anything but?

(105 Posts)
ohforblardysake Thu 19-Sep-13 18:36:22

I breastfeed, use cloth nappies, co sleep, baby led wean, etc etc. It's what feels right for me but I recognise that everyone does it differently and what works for one doesn't work for everyone.

I joined a few gentle parenting sites on Facebook and have one by one unliked them over the last few months as they are all so horrible! I hoped to see from them just posts and articles about things that interest me in terms of bfing, cosleeping,etc, but instead they are just judgey and horrible.

One recently had a thread absolutely slating women who have pain relief in childbirth. Another full of women going on about how they are having unassisted births and laughing at those who have hospital births as stupid scared,and hoodwinked and not understanding how birth REALLY works. The latest one full of horrible crap about formula feeding, here

There is nothing gentle about any of them - they are judgey, spiteful and nasty. Feel quite disillusioned!

Nancy66 Thu 19-Sep-13 18:39:58

"Weak mothers act to satisfy their needs, strong mothers their duties"

as their mission statement/motto

They sound like a bunch of po-faced cunts to be perfectly honest

YouTheCat Thu 19-Sep-13 18:44:07

Not clicking on the link for the sake of my bloop pressure. grin

They do sound like a bunch of twats though.

DragonsAreReal Thu 19-Sep-13 18:45:12

Why would you think Alpha parents would be gentle? Alpha means top dog I think.

namechangesforthehardstuff Thu 19-Sep-13 18:46:13

Oh for God's sake this again?


Surely there can't be that many people out there joining 'gentle parenting groups' only to find themselves 'disillusioned' by the horrible bitches they encounter? Or have I stepped back in time to August?

Fairylea Thu 19-Sep-13 18:46:32

Well I'm the polar opposite of you in terms of choices smile .. I bottle fed from birth, babies in their own rooms from 8 weeks (yes I know and understand Sids advice before someone says), use disposable nappies, babies both hated slings and I tried loads so went straight into the pram etc etc....
Oh and I fed puree!
And had a c section by choice for non medical reasons.

BUT - I am completely open minded about people's choices. What worked for me doesn't necessarily mean it will work for everyone or mean that that is what other people should do. I'd never ever assume to tell anyone what they should do with their children unless they were literally doing them serious harm! smile

In my experience it is often people who are not entirely comfortable with their own choices who seek to bring down others... that or they are just bonkers and on some mission to save the world.

I'm a gentle parent smile I probably don't fit into any of your groups though!

FastWindow Thu 19-Sep-13 18:46:40

grin at bloop pressure.

ohforblardysake Thu 19-Sep-13 18:52:12

Gentle parenting is their term, not mine - obviously any parent could be classed as gentle, I'm just saying that it's a joke as they're so vicious!

Namechanges, sorry I don't know what you mean - perhaps there was another thread about this and that's what you mean.

DragonsAreReal Thu 19-Sep-13 18:52:21

I don't see why all this really matters tbh, I don't believe bf or ff impacts them significantly in later life, and I don't care what others did or do. I only care about what was best for me and my babies now children.

The only thing about different styles of early years parenting I have ever noticed a difference on (worked in nursery's that took babies from 6 months and my own and friends dc) is ones who promote independence or not. The ones who could self settle, entertain themselves to a degree seemed the happiest, cheerfullest (is that even a word?) and up the years most bright and intelligent.

TheYamiOfYawn Thu 19-Sep-13 19:00:37

I think YABU for expecting nothing but fluffy sweetness and light on a group consisting mostly of sleep deprived horizontally fluctuating new mothers on the internet.

namechangesforthehardstuff Thu 19-Sep-13 19:03:02

Yes, there was another thread about this.

It was very long.

People mostly seemed to come in to:

a. complain about people judging others' parenting
b. complain about how 'gentle parenting' types parent
c. complain about how the children of 'gentle parenting' types behave badly
d. complain about the how the children of 'gentle parenting' types behave like little Stepford children

There was no apparent irony in this.

It was very long.

Really really long.

But it was August so that was kind of OK because things usually settle down a bit in September.

Do please feel free to look for it. I would link but the will to live seems to have gone

PoopMaster Thu 19-Sep-13 19:05:35

Unassisted births as a choice? Are they mad?!! shock

I speak as someone who had an unassisted birth (no, wonderful as he was DH does NOT count), but that was just how it turned out. I don't even think we were particularly "lucky" that nothing went wrong, but still...surely it's just responsible to have someone there with equipment just in case!

parkin2010 Thu 19-Sep-13 19:08:41

Not judging but I bet before I click on the link they are all a bunch of mingers ;) ;)

namechangesforthehardstuff Thu 19-Sep-13 19:09:55


SaucyJack Thu 19-Sep-13 19:10:32

What else do you expect? If they feel strongly enough about a perceived parenting style to want to spend all day on Fuckbook blithering on about it, then I doubt their opinions are going to be particularly moderate.

SaucyJack Thu 19-Sep-13 19:11:21

And "gentle parenting" is a stupid and offensive term.

parkin2010 Thu 19-Sep-13 19:14:25

Had a look. I can't tell if they are minging or not because every one has a profile picture of their child as they have now ceased to have a functioning identity of their own now they have had a kid ;) ;)
nothing to envy from that lot at all, I love the irony of their name too haha!!!

namechangesforthehardstuff Thu 19-Sep-13 19:18:26

They're just people making choices and talking about them. Like we do on here. I honestly don't get why there's another thread about this.

Is it just one person who's been savaged by someone with a sling?

Kamchatka Thu 19-Sep-13 19:18:41

From having been on here for years and years, it's clear that people who get frothy at the mouth about these things have undiagnosed mental health problems (most likely PND) and it comes out as an extremely strong need to control people extend what is consuming them most at the time (feeding, mainly) to all people, i.e. to try to make their environment fit them to make them more comfortable at a time when they feel lost in the world.

Clearly if you are un-joining these groups you most likely don't recognise that feeling, and tbh I would just let it all go and get on with life.

Bamboobambino Thu 19-Sep-13 19:21:35

I had planned section for my DTs, formula feed and use disposable nappies. I don't use slings.
I think I'd make them very upset indeed if I joined their little group smile

thebody Thu 19-Sep-13 19:22:13

I think some people just never really grow up and so need a support group to tell them what to do.

but like a parent really with a child only most if us grow up, do our own thing and understand others do what's best for them.

it's a bit sad really.

thebody Thu 19-Sep-13 19:23:57

to add the term 'baby led weaning, gentle parenting and attached parenting are all totally meaningless shite really arnt they? but sell books to the bewildered and sheep like.

namechangesforthehardstuff Thu 19-Sep-13 19:28:19

Zero irony. Zero.

thebody Thu 19-Sep-13 19:31:14

can I start a weak mothers group as I kind of like to satisfy my needs.

I need wine and cake any one join me?

parkin2010 Thu 19-Sep-13 19:38:44

Me!!!! Im a shit mother because I work and go to the gym and stuff ;)

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