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sorry a xmas one

(29 Posts)
dementedmumof6 Thu 19-Sep-13 17:33:34

sorry don't know how to link to previous posts.

My ex-sil asked what I was doing for xmas dinner today and when I mentioned had ordered my turkey was met with the response "mine don't like that I will have to bring something else." as your house is the only one big enough for us all.

Would I be unreasonable to say no this xmas is going to be hard enough as is the first since ex and I have split up and he has a new girlfriend although he is spending the day with us due to kids, and after the disaster that was last year really not in the mood to however also don't want to look like the bad guy as am finding it really hard especially since they have become friends with the new girlfriend and I feel pushed out.

FlapJackFlossie Thu 19-Sep-13 17:34:47

There is a Christmas Thread, you know.

Anyway, sorry.......can't answer you......don't do Christmas until end of November grin

Sirzy Thu 19-Sep-13 17:34:56

So she assumed she would be invited to her brothers exes for Christmas? How odd! Tell her straight its not happening!

NotYoMomma Thu 19-Sep-13 17:36:30

I would so annoyed by this!

I would say no, and say its been a hard year and you are having a small intimate Christmas with your kids and ex and she will have to make other plans

cheeky mare

CruCru Thu 19-Sep-13 17:40:27

Dude - seriously? Tell her that, as you have split up from her brother, you are planning on making some new traditions to make things easier for the kids. If you want, suggest that you meet up on say 22 or 23 December for a couple of hours. However, please don't let this drag on - if you tell her now, she will have time to arrange something else.

Apart from anything else, if you stay as the default for everyone's Christmas, it will be weird when your ex is more serious with his girlfriend - will she be coming to yours? When you are with someone new, will your ex still be coming?

temporarilyjerry Thu 19-Sep-13 17:44:13

As she is your xsil, you don't need to be too polite about telling her that she's no invited.

wonderingsoul Thu 19-Sep-13 17:44:40

in a way its nice you esil still thinks of you as family.

but no.. i would tell her this year ius different, meep up christmas eve.. boxing day or even just for an hour christmas day.

dementedmumof6 Thu 19-Sep-13 17:48:03

sorry flapjackflossie didn't realise there was a xmas topic have now posted in there

Topseyt Thu 19-Sep-13 17:50:02

It is a bit presumptious of her to think that she is still coming to your house for Christmas despite your split.

Your house, your rules. You tell her straight whether or not it is happening. Say no if you want to, and don't be guilt-tripped.

dementedmumof6 Thu 19-Sep-13 17:53:58

I think that's the problem topseyt did it last year as was the first since their mother died and was a disaster ,had to change what was cooking as her children are the fussiest eaters ever and would only eat party food, they got really drunk and invited others over and only left 11.30 once her youngest son attacked my eldest daughter. but she has already started on the we don't have much money and is the only house where everyone can sit round a table together.

froken Thu 19-Sep-13 18:00:14

Op yanbu! Good luck with Christmas, I would tell ex-sil she is not invited asap!

Flapjack there is also a travel topic, an education topic, a special needs topic, a pregnancy topic, does that mean people shouldn't post aibu questions about holidays, schools, disabled parking spaces or pregnancy ( or any otger issue with an appropriate topic)? Aibu would be pretty much empty!

WorraLiberty Thu 19-Sep-13 18:00:54

I'd tell her to jog on, the cheeky mare!

So what if yours is the only house where everyone can sit around a table?

How does she think large families in small flats have coped for years?

It's Christmas...everyone can make do and grab a garden chair/stool and eat where they can.

Amy106 Thu 19-Sep-13 18:01:18

You are not reasonable but she certainly is. Make it clear that she is not invited now she knows she needs to make other plans.

diddl Thu 19-Sep-13 18:09:10

Have you actually invited her?

If not, tell her it doesn't matter what you're eating as she won't be there!

expatinscotland Thu 19-Sep-13 18:12:28

OP, answer her now: 'Now x and I are split, I won't be hosting Xmas dinner anymore, just x for the kids. You need to make other plans.' To any of her money woes or lack of large tables, keep repeating, Now x and I are split, I am not hosting Xmas dinner anymore, just having x over for the kids. You need to make other plans.

HeadfirstForHalos Thu 19-Sep-13 18:18:43

She's not your sister, get the ex to sort it! YANBU btw.

HeadfirstForHalos Thu 19-Sep-13 18:20:33

I deal with it yourself then go with expats idea. It'll sink in eventually.

EndoplasmicReticulum Thu 19-Sep-13 18:20:45

YANBU. Part of splitting up from ex has to be losing his awful relatives, surely?

Her financial issues and the size of her table are no longer your problem. Say no now, say it clearly and say it often, she has plenty of time to make other arrangements.

TessTackle Thu 19-Sep-13 18:24:14

You're not being unreasonable at all. Tell her to do her own Christmas dinner at her own house for her ingrate kids that don't like turkey! Gah!!!

DontmindifIdo Thu 19-Sep-13 18:24:27

Op- tell her that as you and you exH have split up you have decided not to host his family for Christmas as they are no longer your family. That while you'll be polite to your exH for the dcs sake, you don't feel like throwing a big event. Of course, exH has the dcs on x, y, and z days over Christmas, so your sure he will arrange something with his family during his time with the dcs, but you couldn't possibly interfere with his access arrangements, so she better call him directly to plan.

BrokenSunglasses Thu 19-Sep-13 18:26:49

Get your ex to deal with her. If you are still on good enough terms with him that you can spend Christmas Day together, then tell him that she's not welcome.

Patchouli Thu 19-Sep-13 18:27:37

and don't worry about not looking like the bad guy, it's perfectly normal to not have the outlaws for xmas.

FingersCrossedLegsNot Thu 19-Sep-13 18:27:51

Yadnbu, how very presumptive of her!

DontmindifIdo Thu 19-Sep-13 18:28:40

Oh and for the "there's a Christmas thread" people, there's also a relationships, a politics, a primary education section, I've read AIBUs that cover all those topics today. This isn't really a Christmas problem, it's an ex-in laws and expectations problem.

Slippersocklover Thu 19-Sep-13 18:31:25

YANBU. Tell her now that she has to make alternative arrangements, and that you will not be hosting Christmas dinner under any circumstances.

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