AIBU or a mean wife about DH's friend and friend's GF staying over and not leaving with DH in the morning on my one-off me-day day off?(67 Posts)
DH's friend asked last week if he and his GF could stay over at ours this evening. They're from another EU country, over visiting friends in another city, but as we live in London where their flights are going from it's more convenient
and free if they stay with us the night before they go home.
A few weeks ago I booked a day off work for tomorrow, not to go anywhere but to have a lie-in, laze in the bath reading a book, paint my toenails, eat cake and generally not do anything of any importance. I've been working really really long hours over a particularly busy period at work, and I just wanted one day to have the house to myself and be totally lazy. I very rarely get to do this, as although DH and I don't yet have DC we're very busy at the weekend and evenings - the next month is booked solid.
DH told his friend that he could of course come to stay (without consulting me), and has told him that they can leave whenever they want on Friday as I'll be around so they don't have to leave at the crack of dawn like they would have had to if we'd both been working. I was really peeved about this, and told him that he's effectively ruined my day off - I wanted to lie in and then laze about in my nightie, which I certainly won't be able to do with strangers in the house wanting showers and breakfast. He thinks IABU, and I can just book another day off (I could, but it would be in a few weeks' time and I'm tired NOW), and that they won't be much trouble and will potter about without input from me.
However, that's not the point! I don't want anyone in the house on my 'me' day, not even DH, and I certainly don't want to deal with DH's friend (whom I dislike anyway) and his GF (whom I don't know). I want to be alone and selfish and lazy for one day - is that too much to ask? I've already cooked them a meal, washed and ironed their bed linen, made up the beds in the spare room, and will then have to wash the linen again after they leave - i.e. enough!
So, who is BU? DH or me? And, more importantly, how can I get them out of my house in the morning?!
I think he is bu to not of consulted with you first..
Could you still give them a time lie lie lie say that actually you have to drop something at the office for 9am so they must vacate before then? And in actual fact just be pottering around your room doing you nails and they think your getting ready to go out?
I see your point but it's one night and they're your husband's friends and he wanted to help them out.
what time is their flight? I think it's perfectly ok to ask them what their plans are.
I think a little of both - it is (presumably) his house too so he should be allowed to have his friends over although yes, he should have asked. I would be expecting him to go into work late though so he can do the entertaining.
YANBU Can you cancel your day off and have it next week instead?
yes lie and say you have to leave early and so must they..
no if they are 'his' friends why isn't HE washing the sheets and cooking them dinner. he's a cheeky bugger not checking with you first.
I would agree with the lie bit. say they have to be gone at a certain time like 9 am and then have your lazy day.
also don't make them breakfast. they can get that in the plane.
You're on a hiding to nothing because you don't like the guy, but... but...
Why on God's green Earth are you in charge of the fricking bed linen?!?
His friends; his problem.
Foot down. Now. About all of it. Don't make the bed. Don't clean the house. Don't get up in the morning.
That having been said... It's your DH's house too, so if he wants to invite people to stay he can. Still, it's his house TOO - i.e. also YOUR house, so he needs to spare-share like a nice, polite human being.
Would it be a huge big deal to your workplace to move your day off to Monday? It would be OK in mine. . .
I want to be alone and selfish and lazy for one day - is that too much to ask? I've already cooked them a meal, washed and ironed their bed linen, made up the beds in the spare room, and will then have to wash the linen again after they leave - i.e. enough! Why have you done all of this? Does your husband have no hands? I'd be more pissed off that he hadn't done all that. Get him to make them breakfast and say they have to leave by a certain time as you have x to do.
"I've already cooked them a meal, washed and ironed their bed linen, made up the beds in the spare room, and will then have to wash the linen again after they leave"
your DH should do all this.
Tell them they have to be out in the morning as you have stuff to do. Then go out and buy yourself a breakfast, go home and do what you wanted. Your DH can sort the linen out later.
It's your day, and you can still have it. YANBU to be a bit pissed off, but it's a nice thing to do to let them stay.
I'd put up with it, gain some brownie points for future use as it is a one off. Can you book some spa treatments and head out, asking them to post a key through the door on their way out?
Why should her dh necessarily do all that? My dh had friends to stay the other week. I spent ages cooking a really nice meal for us all because I enjoy doing it and am a better cook than him. This isn't the point of the thread either.
Op if you can't move your day off to Monday then YANBU. I'd be really fucked of in this position. And actually dh wouldn't ask this of me either, he'd get that not being able to have a lie in would ruin my day off. Hope you manage to sort this out, its totally not unreasonable to ask that they leave in the morning when your dh leaves as you have plans.
I would feel deflated at the loss of the me-day.
I would tell DH to tell them that due to an appointment I have scheduled they will have to depart at 9.00am. Then I would have done guest duty with a smile and still had the me-time.
"I've already cooked them a meal, washed and ironed their bed linen, made up the beds in the spare room, and will then have to wash the linen again after they leave - i.e. enough!"
I think he should have asked as well.
What time is their flight-you might still get a lazy day?
Or tell them to be gone by 9?
I was going to write why have you done all of this when your husband invited them around but numerous posters beat me to it
Why should her dh necessarily do all that?
Because he invited them in to their house without asking OP, so he should be the one to look after them. In fact, even if he had asked OP, he should be doing the legwork. If OP was cooking anyway then it makes sense that she would cook for them, but her husband should be doing all the beds etc.
OP I would not be happy with my partner inviting people around without asking me however in this situation, I would probsbly bollock him then allow it. But I would tell them they will have to leave by, say, 9am because I have stuff to do.
Tell them you have friends coming over and your dh didn't consult you, so 'really sorry' but could they be gone by 9.
(And agree with other posters 'd'h announced their visit he should be doing the donkey work.)
I agree, tell them you've got an appointment booked for early that morning (which your DH didn't know about because he didn't check with you first!), so sorry, but they'll have to leave then too.
Why should her dh necessarily do all that? My dh had friends to stay the other week. I spent ages cooking a really nice meal for us all because I enjoy doing it and am a better cook than him. The OP didn't exactly come across as if she had enjoyed doing it though. If she's tired, needs a break etc then it makes sense he does at least some of the legwork for his friends. I doubt anyone enjoys making beds!
I'm picturing me inviting a couple of friends over and expecting DH to do the spare bedding, cook a meal for them and then bugger off to work the next morning leaving him to play host on his day off .......
I'm now picturing allot of swearing!
If both of you work, and they're his mates let him stay home and play hotelier.
I would happily let his friends stay over.
But it would be on the understanding that he caters for them himself or they shift out early. I don't see what any of it has to do with you at all! Stay in bed!
YANBU. And even if you could move your day off til Monday, if you're anything like me you'd prefer having a Friday off, you can relax more because you know there's no work the following day.
Having 'other people' in your house is quite stressful and I can understand it completely defeats the object of your having a day off.
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