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A wedding one! I have a real wedding one of my very own!

(144 Posts)
Hullygully Wed 18-Sep-13 15:10:10

So we are a very large extended family but all close and get on well and see each other differing amounts. But everyone is invited to any "big" event, iyswim.

My third cousin who is lovely is getting married to someone who I think has been married before but can't remember, but they are both older and established, and we (The Family) have been invited to a celebratory lunch and cakes at her mother's house. Very nice. But they will already have got married, we none of us know why and don't like to ask (probs money).

I asked the mother (second cousin) what they would like for a wedding gift and they want donations to their honeymoon.

Is this normal?

I sort of don't mind, it just seems a bit odd. And how much does one give?

Zoe678 Thu 19-Sep-13 21:55:19

Shouldn't have made the comment about days of the week. Regretted that.

BIWI Thu 19-Sep-13 20:55:28

Well clearly it's not as simple as you think Zoe, given the number of people who didn't understand ... hmm

Zoe678 Thu 19-Sep-13 16:59:12

It's so simple, the (first/second/third) cousin (once removed) thing. Where have people been that they don't grow up absorbing this!? do they have no relatives. Maybe it iz cuz I iz Irish but I've grown up with talk of my mother's first cousin once removed and so on etc.. Do you need the days of the week explained as well?! confused

Zoe678 Thu 19-Sep-13 16:57:13

I burst out laughing at giving them a voucher for a night in the travel lodge! although, I have a soft spot for the one in Windsor and if anybody would like to give me a voucher for a night in a travel lodge I would say thank you very much and i'd mean it!

HeadsDownThumbsUp Thu 19-Sep-13 15:48:45

I think that asking for/giving a contribution to the Honeymoon is fine, and sensible.

I have no idea why other people have a problem with it, but they can go back to reading Debretts as far as I'm concerned.

I've given foreign currency - for the country in which the Honeymoon will be taken. That makes it a bit more thoughtful, personal, if that really matters to you.

janx Thu 19-Sep-13 15:14:08

I have 65 first cousins- gawd knows how many third cousins I have shock

DidoTheDodo Thu 19-Sep-13 13:30:45

Blimey. I'm sorry I ever mentioned towels.
You're still getting them though.

BIWI Thu 19-Sep-13 09:27:42

Good visual here explaining the whole cousins/cousins removed thing

Mia4 Wed 18-Sep-13 23:21:55

It's fine and very common now- it's either money or something towards the honeymoon. Vouchers are worthless because you never know what stores may close down, not to mention they might not be able to buy stuff- with the exception of supermarket ones, my sister got a bunch of Tesco ones and they kept her and her DH fed for months. And presents are seriously hit and miss, not to mention where would you put them on the day? You won't see where to put them until after the ceremony-who wants to hoik a gift around until then?

In all fairness, etiquette was fine because you asked, it wasn't assumed. The only thing i'm a bit 'huh' on is if you weren't invited, nor did not know of the wedding and it was a month ago-why would you contribute money anyway? Why don't you just take a nice bottle of champagne or prosecco for them?

ANomNomNom Wed 18-Sep-13 22:55:04

I would give a modest amount of money but would compensate myself by eating a LOT of cake.

Has anyone suggested that the 'lunch and cakes' might actually be The Wedding ? That would be a classy move! although I think slebs do it, so perhaps it is not that classy after all confused

trixymalixy Wed 18-Sep-13 22:41:37

The last couple of weddings I have been to I've given cash as a gift. One asked for cash in the invitation ( no poem much to my disappointment) and the other there was no mention of gifts or a wedding list so I phoned her and she said they would like cash.

So I wrote them both a cheque. I would much rather give them something they wanted rather than crockery that sits gathering dust in a cupboard etc.

I'd much rather have had cash as my wedding gifts, but it wasn't the done thing then, etiquette seems to be changing.

laza222 Wed 18-Sep-13 22:31:35

I have no problem with this. I have given money several times to honeymoons and bought parts of the honeymoon through those honeymoon sites. We are now having one of those honeymoon lists for our weddings. Don't mind if people can't contribute or don't want to, haven't told anyone about the list, but if they ask that is what we say we would like and have had some very generous gifts through it so far.

Jellypoppingcandy Wed 18-Sep-13 21:45:01

It's ok. People usually have loads of household stuff of their own stuff when they get married these days. Happy to give whatever gift the bride & groom would like.

Viking1 Wed 18-Sep-13 21:13:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Viking1 Wed 18-Sep-13 21:13:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorrySighWorrySigh Wed 18-Sep-13 21:02:05

This is the problem with modern day weddings. The etiquette is all arse about face compared to when DH & I got wed.

When we got wed the invitation came from the parents of the bride. The invitation was to the wedding, not a sort of party thing much later. When you responded the reply went to the parents. A gift list might be available on request

You got married when setting up home so were grateful for towels and bedding no matter the colour/pattern. Asking for cash was just wrong.

Now it is all changed and you text your reply to the invitation to the bride. Cash is requested with the invitation. There is a guest list for the day and a guest list for the night.

While I understand it is all different now, inside my head I am screaming 'It's all wrong!'

I am dreading my own DCs getting married because my head will explode.

SimplyRedHead Wed 18-Sep-13 20:25:51

We got online donations for our honeymoon (7 years ago) so shoot me.

We were sent a breakdown of who paid what. Average gift was £15-20 per couple.

We had an amazing time in Africa that we will never have again and all our towels are shit.

girliefriend Wed 18-Sep-13 19:28:27

I have been to three weddings this summer, they all asked for money they all got nice personalised pictures in frames grin

Two of the weddings specified the money would be for the honeymoon so appears it is normal hmm the other one was 'just for a rainy day'.

Although to be fair they did all also say it was our presence they wanted not our presents, I took them at their word on that grin They must have done well though as both honeymoons were in the Caribbean!!!

PrincessFiorimonde Wed 18-Sep-13 19:18:38

Sorry, Subliminal, I'll shut up now. grin

PlentyOfPubeGardens Wed 18-Sep-13 19:04:18

Do you think they eloped? I don't think you get presents if you elope.

Subliminal - I took comfy shoes and got the dancing all wrong as the bride grin

SubliminalMassaging Wed 18-Sep-13 18:58:39

Princess stop being so bloody reasonable and sensible. You are spoiling our fun.

MikeOxard Wed 18-Sep-13 18:36:29

"I haven't been t a wedding for a gazillion years, I'm out of the kulcher."

Um're not going to a wedding now! Don't give the buggers any money for a wedding that you weren't even invited to, the cheeky sods.

Talkative Jim 's poem was a work of fucking genius! Seriously though, if you can't even mention the wedding, then you certainly can't give a gift about it - you don't want to embarrass them (especially not if it's going to cost you fifty quid).

PrincessFiorimonde Wed 18-Sep-13 17:42:30

Haven't been to a wedding myself since about 1925, so no idea what's de rigueur these days. But if your cousin is lovely, and your family are all good mates, then go and enjoy the lunch and the cake and the fizzy stuff. Just slip them a few quid in a card - money was mentioned only because you asked about a gift, wasn't it? So that's quite different from couples making financial 'demands'.

Though I'm sad you didn't get one of those very nice poems that one reads about on Mumsnet...

Weegiemum Wed 18-Sep-13 17:31:08

I could be bought with cake,
But you are on the make,

So no.

Hullygully Wed 18-Sep-13 17:21:59

I can't ask about the wedding

it wouldn't be the thing

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