To say No and speak my mind?(107 Posts)
Ok, a bit of background: My Sil's boyfriend has just started his job as a teacher. I have been a graphic designer for over 5 years. We are both the same age but he chopped and changed what career he wanted after uni. We very rarely see each other, he's not really someone I or DH would socialise with. To be honest when we do see him I spend my time biting my tongue and tolerating him in order to keep the peace. We have very different views.
Last Friday I had a Facebook post from him completely out of the blue (haven't seen him for 3 months) saying 'you know how you are an awesome and generous designer, well I need a favour. I need a school poster doing by Tuesday, can I count on you?
Now maybe to most people that is a fair enough favour to ask of me but I found it patronising and degrading. Surely school posters are a part of his job that he is getting paid to do! I would never ask a favour of someone I don't have anything to do with for months at a time. It made me feel like I'm seen as a child with a crayon and that my profession is viewed as twee: want something to look pretty, ask Nell to do it for free. My Fil did something similar recently for his business and I never got a thank you and felt incredibly used.
I was pretty stressed out with work last week so I wasn't in the mood for being publicly patronised in this way without saying something. I told him that as a teacher, a school poster is part of his job that he is getting paid to do. At the most if he wants to delegate then he can ask one of his pupils to do it. I said that I'm sure he didn't mean for his comment to come across as patronising or demonstrating such a lack of respect for my profession, but that's how it made me feel so no I will not do you this favour.
He deleted the post and I've not heard from him since but Mil saw my reply and has told me that I am incredibly rude and out of order. That he is entitled to ask me for a favour and that I should be polite because he is practically family.
Perhaps I should have simply said no but I'm fed up of having to bite my tongue when I feel I am being mocked and insulted, just because they are the in laws. Was I wrong to express my opinion, should I have said yes and done his work for him?
Sorry that's so long.
Ouch! I do think you were being a bit unreasonable in the Public Flogging but I'm guessing you woń't be asked again anytime soon! YWNBU to say No though
Thats a good apology OP. I would leave it at that now If I were you. He will come round eventually
Well done OP, good apology I'm sure he'll accept it after stewing for a bit
Katy - I reckon most of the posters would be saying 'no what a cheek, asking on FB and not respecting your work etc ... tell him to do one.'
God, you are one stress head, op! How much disrespect can you possibly get from your family regarding your job, that you feel worn down by it all? Do you perhaps mean they don't show sufficient respect?
Why should they?
Fwiw, I think your apology would have been so much better had you not included the part about your ungraciousness being, you know, basically all the family's fault for not respecting you enough.
Fair play to your OP - you have now certainly been "the bigger man" and it's good to see someone actually taking on board the replies to something they ask on here
well done OP, you took it on the chin and have done the right thing. Hopefully this can be a trigger to clear the air and move forward <not quite sure why I just sunk into management-speak there, sorry>
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