Ok, a bit of background: My Sil's boyfriend has just started his job as a teacher. I have been a graphic designer for over 5 years. We are both the same age but he chopped and changed what career he wanted after uni. We very rarely see each other, he's not really someone I or DH would socialise with. To be honest when we do see him I spend my time biting my tongue and tolerating him in order to keep the peace. We have very different views.
Last Friday I had a Facebook post from him completely out of the blue (haven't seen him for 3 months) saying 'you know how you are an awesome and generous designer, well I need a favour. I need a school poster doing by Tuesday, can I count on you?
Now maybe to most people that is a fair enough favour to ask of me but I found it patronising and degrading. Surely school posters are a part of his job that he is getting paid to do! I would never ask a favour of someone I don't have anything to do with for months at a time. It made me feel like I'm seen as a child with a crayon and that my profession is viewed as twee: want something to look pretty, ask Nell to do it for free. My Fil did something similar recently for his business and I never got a thank you and felt incredibly used.
I was pretty stressed out with work last week so I wasn't in the mood for being publicly patronised in this way without saying something. I told him that as a teacher, a school poster is part of his job that he is getting paid to do. At the most if he wants to delegate then he can ask one of his pupils to do it. I said that I'm sure he didn't mean for his comment to come across as patronising or demonstrating such a lack of respect for my profession, but that's how it made me feel so no I will not do you this favour.
He deleted the post and I've not heard from him since but Mil saw my reply and has told me that I am incredibly rude and out of order. That he is entitled to ask me for a favour and that I should be polite because he is practically family.
Perhaps I should have simply said no but I'm fed up of having to bite my tongue when I feel I am being mocked and insulted, just because they are the in laws. Was I wrong to express my opinion, should I have said yes and done his work for him?
Sorry that's so long.
AIBU?
To say No and speak my mind?
Nellelephant · 16/09/2013 09:04
You totally overreacted. Your mil is probably embarrassed by you, as I would be. Totally fine to say no if you didn't want to do it, but you took things to the extreme.
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Bloody hell, you really let rip, didn't you? You just took all your bottled up resentment at the lot of them and spewed it out at him 
His question seemed friendly, cheeky but in a nice way and lighthearted to me. It reads like he values your skills and sees you as someone good at what they do, not the opposite. He wanted a really great poster, who did he think of to come up with something amazing? - you. If I got something like that, I'd laugh, say you cheeky sod, let me see what I can do.
I think that you overreacted to that one question if we take it in isolation and at face value, but I also think that for you to have such an extreme overreaction to it, you must be stuffed to bursting with anger and resentment at the lot of them, so perhaps it's a good thing that you did. Maybe you needed to let it out.
Perhaps no more bottling up and just handle things assertively as they crop up?
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