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To warn MNers with small babies not to make a rod for their backs

(158 Posts)
PenelopeChipShop Mon 16-Sep-13 01:11:14

I am already up for the second time tonight with ds and he won't let me put him back in the cot. He's now 14 months and has never slept for more than 4 hours at a stretch - that was twice and I thought I'd died and gone to heaven at 4 hours sleep. Average is 2-3 hours, but hourly wake ups are not unusual. This is EVERY night, when healthy and not teething, he just cannot sleep for long stretches.

I have come to the conclusion that I can only blame myself and DH I suppose for not teaching him good sleep habits / self settling etc. I didn't read any books on Baby sleep until we already had a problem so did everything you aren't supposed to do - let him nap in my arms, rocked him, fed him to sleep. And co slept for a year. At the time when friends warned me about the things I should have been doing I was relaxed about it and is it thought I want to enjoy snuggling him and not worry about the future. He hated being out down so I never pushed him to sleep alone.

Now I have a 14 month old who still won't sleep and requires constant re settling throughout the night. I am broken with tiredness. Always thought I wanted 2 dc but both DH and I are no longer sure that we could go through this again. I do all the nights though!

So if you have a new baby and thought the same as me be warned. If you don't try and teach babies to sleep before they are too old to object, well guess what - they don't just learn it on their own. It's too late for me but maybe I can save others from my fate. So so sooooo tired :-(

CoteDAzur Tue 17-Sep-13 11:11:40

"there is no such thing as making a rod for your own back by giving too much comfort and cuddles!!! "

That is not what the OP is about.

Those of us who have used sleep training methods don't say "Oooh we gave too much comfort and too many cuddles to the baby today, so no more cuddles until tomorrow afternoon, and we will hold him at arms length until then too, so as not to give any more cuddles".

CoteDAzur Tue 17-Sep-13 11:12:15

Lweji grin

CoteDAzur Tue 17-Sep-13 11:15:19

Tondelayo - I haven't read any of those books and neither have I ever done CIO with either DC.

NothingsLeft Tue 17-Sep-13 12:01:53

I sleep training DS for months. Shh patted, night weaned, gradual withdrawal, CC, even have CIO a go at 13 months out of desperation. We kept at it as every man & his dog insisted sleep training worked. Even paid millpond £350 to help in case we were doing it wrong.

Made absolutely no difference apart from making DH & I even more exhausted.

Co-slept out of necessity once I went back to work (which I had to delay as I was too sleep deprived), fed him if he woke and his sleep improved. After a few weeks he started sleeping through...went back into the cot and is fine 90% of the time at 18 months...

FrameyMcFrame Wed 18-Sep-13 21:01:40


''let him nap in my arms, rocked him, fed him to sleep. And co slept for a year. At the time when friends warned me about the things I should have been doing I was relaxed about it and is it thought I want to enjoy snuggling him''

Comfort and cuddles no?

neunundneunzigluftballons Wed 18-Sep-13 21:10:07

When you have a teenager I reckon you will have to drag him from the bed. I had 2 sleepers and then DS who only started sleeping through at 18 mths if I had my way I would have had the same with the older 2 and not the other way around. I adored the night time cuddles and feeds. At the end of the day they grow up fast so it is lovely to have that time when they are young. Don't get me wrong it was tough at times and there were definitely times I would have loved a sleeper but when we night weaned him at 18 mths he was well ready and got into it immediately. Definitely not a rod IMO.

ThisWayForCrazy Wed 18-Sep-13 21:11:44

I have three children. They are all rods. I wouldn't have it any other way smile

monkeymamma Wed 18-Sep-13 21:31:06

OP I was very similar to you, I always rocked or BF my son to sleep and at 13m he was waking throughout the night wanting milk every couple of hours sometimes even hourly. That was the point where i just couldnt do it any more. We did cold turkey on night time feeds, and I started in the evening breast feeding until he was relaxed but not alseep, then popping him in the cot awake. Once he could settle himself (we didn't do any cc but we did do shh pat/disappearing chair) he just stopped waking in the night. It was like magic. and he has been The Best sleeper ever since (he used to be the worst sleeper ever, even his naps were like 20mins... Now they're 2 hours...ahhh!). I can't tell you the diffence it makes to everything: your outlook, energy levels, ability to cope with a toddler in the daytime!
Basically what I'm saying is, I don't think you've made a rod for your own back, things will likely get much much better sooner than you think. After 12m it is a lot easier to do eg shh pat (if we had our time again, I wouldn't have done it any sooner to be honest) as by that age you have a better idea of when they are distressed and when they are crying/waking out of habit.
Good luck and hope you get some sleep soon!

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