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To have said no to this request RE: DD's birthday party?

(202 Posts)
muminthecity Sun 15-Sep-13 12:58:22

DD is turning 8 next week. Money is very tight at the moment so we are having a party at home, on a shoestring budget. We live in a 2 bed flat so space is an issue as well. DD has invited 12 children from her class, I am expecting 8-10 to turn up.

One of the girls invited has a younger sister in the year below. DD knows her but isn't particularly friendly with her. Anyway, this girl's mother sent me a text in reply to the invitation saying "Hi, thanks for the invite, X is really excited about the party, but as the girls are too young to understand that they don't always get invited to the same parties, I can't possibly bring one without the other. Is it ok if I bring them both?"

I was a bit taken aback by this tbh, the girls are 6 and 7 so not babies and surely at that age they should be able to understand that they can't always go to the same things? Also, many of the other children invited have younger siblings who are not invited.

I replied to her saying "I'm so sorry but I just don't have the space to invite siblings." She then replied saying that her DD would not be attending as she would hate to upset her little sister. She also mentioned that both girls were "very disappointed" with a sad face at the end.

So, AIBU? Should I have just said yes and let them both come? I'm feeling guilty now that X has to miss out, but also think that it would be unfair to invite her sister but none of the other siblings. Not to mention the space/money issues!

3birthdaybunnies Tue 17-Sep-13 13:14:30

YANBU - slightly different if they were 2 and 3 and couldn't leave 3yr old on their own, but at 8 there's no chance that she will be hanging around. She's missed an opportunity there to have nice 1:1 time with her younger daughter and maybe buy something which doesn't match her sister's. My dc enjoy it when it is 2:2 instead of 2:3 and there's often cake involved so I enjoy it too.

Flicktheswitch Tue 17-Sep-13 12:19:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ToffeeCaramel Tue 17-Sep-13 12:16:52

shrinkingnora grin

shrinkingnora Tue 17-Sep-13 12:14:52

She can't come back, she's at a police station explaining why the kids beat a fat boy to death at her last party.

I see midori hasn't been back to explain why she called the OP sour-faced etc, based on other people's comments on this thread - I had thought she might even apologise for this. Or to explain how the OP is supposed to find £300 she hasn't got, to host a party extravaganza.

Just as well I wasn't holding my breath...

FauxFox Tue 17-Sep-13 07:54:31

S'alright Jux sure you didn't mean it to sound like that smile

exoticfruits Mon 16-Sep-13 22:20:04

If they have a tantrum it is just tough!
I am a bit astounded that anyone would spend £300 on a child's party.

Jux Mon 16-Sep-13 21:49:25

SOrry, FauxFox. That was a stupid and insensitive post of mine. Please feel free to report it. I shall do so too.

imip Mon 16-Sep-13 14:36:48

I have small gaps bw 4dds. With the oldest two, 5&6 when one gets invited to a party and the other isn't, it is painful. The other complains, tantrums and cries and it is soo annoying. However, that is just how it is and I would NEVER dream of asking to bring the other along.

We do have to do parity with play dates though, and need to take it in turns to have people over or go to other people's houses.

roamer2 Mon 16-Sep-13 14:19:34

Did she think that parents should stay too? Though normally parents have disappeared by yr 3

FauxFox Mon 16-Sep-13 14:07:59

hmm Jux

Jux Mon 16-Sep-13 12:21:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

secretscwirrels Mon 16-Sep-13 12:19:34

FatOwl Haha, I did the same. They lived next door so I felt obliged to let the older sister come.
A 12 year old at a party for 5 year olds. She completely ruined it by heckling the magician angry
Still rankles 12 years later.

cleoowen Mon 16-Sep-13 12:02:24

Goodness, what a precious parent. Her children are old enough to understand and accept that one is invited and the other isn't. Surely they will be both be upset now being told they are not going to a party which they were excited about, rather than just one of them! How stupid.

If the invited one was upset I would probably just have some time with her and have a special treat just the two of us thing.

Idespair Mon 16-Sep-13 12:00:32

Yanbu. What a bitch sending you a text like that. She clearly fancied some free childcare for both her daughters. If her younger dd is 6/7, she quite clearly does understand that parties are not for siblings as well! I think the average 3yo is capable of processing this concept.

Fleta Mon 16-Sep-13 11:56:19


And time for her girls to learn a valuable life lesson that they aren't always going to get the same invitations to everywhere

WireCat Mon 16-Sep-13 11:53:30

£300 on a kids party. faints

OP stick to your guns. I feel for the child, not going to a party as her mother can't bear for her kids to be "parted" my arse, she wanted a child free afternoon

I've had the same request. I to.d the people they'd have to pay for the sibling. Sibling didn't attend...

SugarHut Mon 16-Sep-13 11:39:16

I throw massive, well over the top (because I love party planning) do's for my son. I always say siblings are welcome because I usually hire some kind of educational show/speaker that frankly it would be a waste for only a few children to enjoy...although I make it clear that siblings are most welcome to come for the show, which is always at the end, but are not included in the initial party or catered for. Not because of the expense, but because they are not DS' close friends so it would simply be a little odd for them to be there.

Having said that, I would never DREAM of inviting any siblings to a party they had not been invited too. Especially with such a lame excuse, ie, my children are too precious to understand they have different social groups. If there was some reason, physically, that she could only drop off both children, or neither, then I would attempt to accommodate. But there is none, she's being incredibly rude by subsequently refusing your invitation and insinuating it's down to you that the original girl is not coming. You are right, they are not toddlers unable to understand the concept. I think you have done exceptionally well not to say anything else, I would have struggled not too!

FauxFox Mon 16-Sep-13 11:35:06

midori what are you doing? You spent £300 on a party, so say £45 for the £15/h 'woodland'? £55 on food? what was the other £200 for? Booze for the adults while the kids went feral? hmm That's what you do on your birthday not the DCs surely?

HavantGuard Mon 16-Sep-13 11:33:21

Living in a one bed flat and spending £300 on a child's birthday party. Right.

TakingThePea Mon 16-Sep-13 11:23:46


She is the one disappointing her children. She could drop the elder one at your party then have fun time with her youngest.

GladbagsGold Mon 16-Sep-13 11:22:59

YANBU. Other mother has terrible manners.

Midoris party sounds fun too though I have to say. I like throwing more the merrier parties usually, but we have done things like laser quest where numbers are more controlled too.

I have two DC and would never bring one to a sibling-friend party!

ShatnersBassoon Mon 16-Sep-13 11:21:21

Looking on the bright side, at least the woman asked about the little sister, even if it was a bit cheeky. I've known people sit uninvited siblings down at the party table, leaving no chair for an invited friend.

Jux Mon 16-Sep-13 11:20:56

No, £300 is a massive budget for a child's birthday party.

I have an aunt who had two dds. They were not twins. The godmother of the younger dd was a friend of the family - the whole family I mean, all my aunts and uncles and their kids - and she would buy the most beautiful expensive presents for her god-daughter. My aunt would refuse them unless the godmother got one for the other dd too (as it would be unfair to give a present to one and not the other hmm). The result was that these lovely things were given to me instead! Both girls missed out.

Being my cousins, I was very close to the two girls. We all knew what was happening and I know the older one would have been happy enough for her little sis to get birthday presents from her god-mother, as she got presents from her own god-mother. The whole thing was a fabrication of my aunt's, for no good reason. It was utterly ridiculous.

FruitSaladIsNotPudding Mon 16-Sep-13 11:11:48

Goodness, is £300 considered a small budget nowadays??

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