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To have said no to this request RE: DD's birthday party?

(202 Posts)
muminthecity Sun 15-Sep-13 12:58:22

DD is turning 8 next week. Money is very tight at the moment so we are having a party at home, on a shoestring budget. We live in a 2 bed flat so space is an issue as well. DD has invited 12 children from her class, I am expecting 8-10 to turn up.

One of the girls invited has a younger sister in the year below. DD knows her but isn't particularly friendly with her. Anyway, this girl's mother sent me a text in reply to the invitation saying "Hi, thanks for the invite, X is really excited about the party, but as the girls are too young to understand that they don't always get invited to the same parties, I can't possibly bring one without the other. Is it ok if I bring them both?"

I was a bit taken aback by this tbh, the girls are 6 and 7 so not babies and surely at that age they should be able to understand that they can't always go to the same things? Also, many of the other children invited have younger siblings who are not invited.

I replied to her saying "I'm so sorry but I just don't have the space to invite siblings." She then replied saying that her DD would not be attending as she would hate to upset her little sister. She also mentioned that both girls were "very disappointed" with a sad face at the end.

So, AIBU? Should I have just said yes and let them both come? I'm feeling guilty now that X has to miss out, but also think that it would be unfair to invite her sister but none of the other siblings. Not to mention the space/money issues!

pigsDOfly Sun 15-Sep-13 13:32:11

God no YANBU.

What is she going to do if one of the girls wants to marry at some point in the future, make her wait until the other one finds someone to marry so she won't be disappointed to be left out. Stupid woman.

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking Sun 15-Sep-13 13:32:30

Yanbu. Well done for not letting her guilt trip you smile

Sarahplane Sun 15-Sep-13 13:44:55

What a cheeky cow. Yadnbu.

CruCru Sun 15-Sep-13 13:46:00

Yanbu. Apart from anything else, if everyone "needs" to bring a sibling you'll end up with 25 kids not 10. It's impossible.

I had a friend at secondary school like this - in the first couple of years we always had to have her little brother along as well which changed the group dynamic. Ugh.

Primrose123 Sun 15-Sep-13 13:46:20

YANBU. I think the other mother is very rude.

alpinemeadow Sun 15-Sep-13 13:49:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bowlersarm Sun 15-Sep-13 13:50:38


Don't bring it up again, but stick to your guns. She was very rude. She should take the opportunity of doing something one-to-one with which ever dd doesn't have a party, whilst explaining it's not possible to be invited to everything.

And she shouldn't be trying to make you feel bad about it!

She was being lazy, and using you for childcare.

Euphemia Sun 15-Sep-13 13:51:49

YANBU! Stupid woman - her poor DD. sad

wearingpurple Sun 15-Sep-13 13:52:41

YANBU. Dd2 is close in age to Dd1 and used to throw a strop when she didn't get invited to dd1's friends' parties, but she's over it now and I'd never have indulged it. Of course a 6 year old is old enough to understand this concept! Ridiculous.

topicsactiveimon Sun 15-Sep-13 13:54:28

Wow, I am a seriously soft touch on birthday parties - invite everyone so no one feels left out, etc - but even I think this is way OTT. YANBU. I would text back but something very light: DD will miss having X, too. If you're able to make other arrangements for her sister, X is more than welcome on the day.

That's some world-class piss-taking!

pigletmania Sun 15-Sep-13 13:54:46

Yanbu at all, the mother is a cheeky so and so, using her DDs to guilt trip. It's her fault her dd is missing the party, now is the time fr a lesson in life, 6 is not too young at all. Bet se wants to bugger off for some Chid free time, and using you as free babysitting

ThreeMyselfAndI Sun 15-Sep-13 13:55:50

shock yanbu, that's incredably rude to ask and then try and guilt trip you too!! You've done the right thing.

ToffeeCaramel Sun 15-Sep-13 13:57:08

YANBU. You did the right thing. I can't believe the cheek of the other mum!

maras2 Sun 15-Sep-13 13:57:51

Cheeky wagon.Bet she still brings the kids though.

Mummyoftheyear Sun 15-Sep-13 13:59:47

Cheeky cow ( other mum)! She was probably hoping to occupy both girls at the same time. Don't doubt yourself. You are absolutely right! I know it's hard but she's just trying to use you to entertain both girls. Until you'd said yes, she shouldn't have even told her girls that they'd be going. IF its true about them not understanding hat they're not invited together now that they're 6 and 7, it's time that they learnt. Bloody cheek !!!!

lunar1 Sun 15-Sep-13 13:59:58

Are you sure the reply wasn't from the 7 year old? I just cant believe an adult woman would be so childish!

Manchesterhistorygirl Sun 15-Sep-13 14:00:20

No, she was being hugely unreasonable! Dh us just gone out to pick ds1 one up from a party whilst I sit in with ds2 at home. They are 7 and 2!

The only time I ever ask to bring the other child is if its soft play and I'm on my own and then I always pay for the other child nd buy their food and drink! It's massively unreasonable to do otherwise I thought?

Lizzabadger Sun 15-Sep-13 14:01:55

Another YANBU. Don't reply. She was just trying it on.

TyrannosaurusBex Sun 15-Sep-13 14:02:42

YANBU. My DH once did this and I was mortified blush

ToffeeCaramel Sun 15-Sep-13 14:03:35

The laser quest mum is really bad too as she has taught her son that all he has to do is tantrum to get his way

babybythesea Sun 15-Sep-13 14:04:47

I had a friend like this. Little sister (18 months younger) always had to come too. Problem was, I didn't like the little sister very much - she whined, she always wanted to do things her way, and always told tales to adults if she didn't get it leading to me and the older sister being told off for not including her/not taking turns/not being fair etc. There was always stuff we couldn't do because she didn't like it/didn't want to do it.
I loved being with my friend but I couldn't handle the constant demands and presence of the younger one so after a while the friendship tailed off. (I was about 6 up until about 9 putting up with it, and then gradually asked less and less for my friend to come over. By the age of 11, we didn't see each other any more).

Charlottehere Sun 15-Sep-13 14:05:38

What an arse, not you the othermother

RenterNomad Sun 15-Sep-13 14:07:24

The only reason a younger child should "have" to come to an older sib's party if if it's a "play and stay" with parents attending, and there's no-one to care for the one "left out".

Dumping both kids (or all kids, in the case of 3+) would be bloody rude!

BalloonSlayer Sun 15-Sep-13 14:13:25

"Are you sure the reply wasn't from the 7 year old? I just cant believe an adult woman would be so childish!"


Gives me an idea

How about texting back "Hi OtherMum, I think your youngest might have got hold of your phone, perhaps you might want to check your outbox! Cheeky wee pickle trying to invite herself to DD's party and pretending to be you! Just as well she doesn't sound grown up enough yet and I guessed it was her xxxxx"

ExitPursuedByADragon Sun 15-Sep-13 14:14:11

Cheeky mare.

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