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To have said no to this request RE: DD's birthday party?

(202 Posts)
muminthecity Sun 15-Sep-13 12:58:22

DD is turning 8 next week. Money is very tight at the moment so we are having a party at home, on a shoestring budget. We live in a 2 bed flat so space is an issue as well. DD has invited 12 children from her class, I am expecting 8-10 to turn up.

One of the girls invited has a younger sister in the year below. DD knows her but isn't particularly friendly with her. Anyway, this girl's mother sent me a text in reply to the invitation saying "Hi, thanks for the invite, X is really excited about the party, but as the girls are too young to understand that they don't always get invited to the same parties, I can't possibly bring one without the other. Is it ok if I bring them both?"

I was a bit taken aback by this tbh, the girls are 6 and 7 so not babies and surely at that age they should be able to understand that they can't always go to the same things? Also, many of the other children invited have younger siblings who are not invited.

I replied to her saying "I'm so sorry but I just don't have the space to invite siblings." She then replied saying that her DD would not be attending as she would hate to upset her little sister. She also mentioned that both girls were "very disappointed" with a sad face at the end.

So, AIBU? Should I have just said yes and let them both come? I'm feeling guilty now that X has to miss out, but also think that it would be unfair to invite her sister but none of the other siblings. Not to mention the space/money issues!

WafflyVersatile Sun 15-Sep-13 13:07:19

She probably just wanted some free babysitting.

poorbuthappy Sun 15-Sep-13 13:07:27

What Quint said.

ivykaty44 Sun 15-Sep-13 13:08:19

text back

well that is a shame x can't come, you'll have to get the pair of them sorted so they can be separated otherwise x may find she misses out on a few parties.

Give it right back to her as her problem

EndoplasmicReticulum Sun 15-Sep-13 13:08:38

That's ridiculous. I have boys with 18 months between them and they have always been accepting of the fact that they don't both go to the same parties.

I reckon mum was hoping to offload them both so she could have a couple of hours child-free time.

littlewhitebag Sun 15-Sep-13 13:08:52

Cheeky mare. She has made rod for own back letting her DC think they can go to every party the other is invited to. It will backfire as people will stop inviting them.

BalloonSlayer Sun 15-Sep-13 13:09:31

Are you planning to reply?

You are not disappointing the Invited Child, the mother is. The sibling may be disappointed that they are not invited, but the mother should have been telling her children how it is since the oldest first started to go to parties.

(I would add though that I think with twins it's slightly different My youngest DC knows three sets of twins . . . only one half of each pair is likely to be in his class at school at any one time. I would never dream of only inviting one twin to the party, however, but this does mean that for three people DC wants to invite I have to invite six. [wince] )

PrincessFlirtyPants Sun 15-Sep-13 13:09:50


I remember when I was at primary school (many moons ago) and there was a girl in my class whose little sister always had to be invited. Do you what happened? The older sister didn't get invited to any parties as no one wanted her sister tagging along sad

The parents are being unreasonable and its the children who are going to suffer.

muminthecity Sun 15-Sep-13 13:10:06

Phew, glad IANBU. I feel sorry for the girls though, as they will not end up going to many parties, will they? Also, I don't think the younger one would enjoy it as much anyway, as none of her own friends would be there, she might have ended up feeling a bit left out.

Thanks for the replies. I don't feel so guilty now!

WafflyVersatile Sun 15-Sep-13 13:10:16

''DD will be disappointed your DD can't make it but obviously it's up to you.I completely understand if you'd rather deny your DD8 a party than explain the hard but true facts of kiddy party life to them''.

hippo123 Sun 15-Sep-13 13:11:44

The only person who should be feeling guilty is the other mum. Even my 3 year old knows and understands that she doesn't always get to go to her elder brothers friends parties. She's being ridiculous.

OddBoots Sun 15-Sep-13 13:13:36

yanbu, she was cheeky to even ask.

LIZS Sun 15-Sep-13 13:14:03

DD will be disappointed your DD can't make it but obviously it's up to you.

^This - she needs to learn some basic etiquette and impart to dd's. Does she dress them alike too ?

lljkk Sun 15-Sep-13 13:14:38


Ragusa Sun 15-Sep-13 13:17:06

YADNBU. cheeky passive agressive woman. Poor kids.

Iwould live to send that text reply suggested above but wouldn't have the guts grin

muminthecity Sun 15-Sep-13 13:17:37

LIZS - Now that you mention it, yes, they do often wear the same outfits!

FelineFurry Sun 15-Sep-13 13:17:43

OMG! YANBU that was so rude. I had something similar last year with my son's 8th birthday party at Laser Quest. One of the mother's turned up with the the elder brother in tow (about 10 so not a baby) saying brother had been really upset that his sibling was going to do Laser Quest and had thrown a tantrum the previous evening shock over it. She asked if she could pay to join in but I didn't need to provide him food.

I did agree but obviously I couldn't make him sit in the corner whilst all the other children were eating so then joined the queque for party bags! I had to give him my eldest's as I'd already used the spare for an invitee who'd turned up unexpectedly.

He is know as the party bag thief in our house. They are a very wealthy family too so it's not as if Laser Quest is something they couldn't afford themselves any time they wanted.

muminthecity Sun 15-Sep-13 13:18:42

I wasn't planning on replying to be honest, there is lots I would like to say but can't be arsed with any school gate drama that may follow!

BrokenSunglasses Sun 15-Sep-13 13:19:19

Cheeky cow! YANBU!

I agree with replying that your dd is disappointed her friend can't come.

PoppadomPreach Sun 15-Sep-13 13:22:01

Another YANBU! Silly cow - the way she is brining up her daughters is setting them up to be permanently disappointed with life.

CatAmongThePigeons Sun 15-Sep-13 13:23:18

My DC have a 5 year age gap, DS1 is off to a party this afternoon and DS2 is not invited to go, so he will be staying with us. As DS2 gets older, he will be invited to parties that DS1 won't, that's life and it's good learning skills.

dietcokeandwine Sun 15-Sep-13 13:25:33

Totally NBU. And how on earth is a child of six 'too young to understand' that they don't always get invited to the same parties as their older sibling? The average 3 year old tends to understand this perfectly in my experience!

Silly woman and I feel sorry for her DDs as she's doing them no favours but that's her problem not yours.

Hope your DD has a lovely party.

missuswife Sun 15-Sep-13 13:25:41

YANBU. I would reply that your daughter will be disappointed if X can't come, and of course if the mum changes her mind, X is still welcome on her own.

I can't stand emotional blackmail.

IslaValargeone Sun 15-Sep-13 13:27:48

Agree with you about not replying, those types of people don't tend to learn anything from being enlightened about their behaviour and yes you are probably right, too much 'school gate drama'
Silly rude cow.

skyeskyeskye Sun 15-Sep-13 13:28:29

YANBU. I have a friend like this. I told her that her DC won't always be able to do everything together and need to learn that they will each be invited to parties without the other one.

Slightly different but similar issue, DC aged 4 and 5. Oh X can't possibly make a plate at play group because Z is at school and can't make one. Yes, and Z made one when he was at play group.,,,,,, so second DC prevented from doing thing that PFB did at same age... Doesn't make sense to me.

SockPinchingMonster Sun 15-Sep-13 13:30:10

YANBU, I have 5 year old twins and sometimes one will get invited to a party and the other won't, I think it's a good thing as they get to be treated as individuals and even at their age they understand that they won't always be invited together. She has a cheek trying to make you feel guilty. Stick to your guns and don't invite the younger one.

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