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To have said no to this request RE: DD's birthday party?

(202 Posts)
muminthecity Sun 15-Sep-13 12:58:22

DD is turning 8 next week. Money is very tight at the moment so we are having a party at home, on a shoestring budget. We live in a 2 bed flat so space is an issue as well. DD has invited 12 children from her class, I am expecting 8-10 to turn up.

One of the girls invited has a younger sister in the year below. DD knows her but isn't particularly friendly with her. Anyway, this girl's mother sent me a text in reply to the invitation saying "Hi, thanks for the invite, X is really excited about the party, but as the girls are too young to understand that they don't always get invited to the same parties, I can't possibly bring one without the other. Is it ok if I bring them both?"

I was a bit taken aback by this tbh, the girls are 6 and 7 so not babies and surely at that age they should be able to understand that they can't always go to the same things? Also, many of the other children invited have younger siblings who are not invited.

I replied to her saying "I'm so sorry but I just don't have the space to invite siblings." She then replied saying that her DD would not be attending as she would hate to upset her little sister. She also mentioned that both girls were "very disappointed" with a sad face at the end.

So, AIBU? Should I have just said yes and let them both come? I'm feeling guilty now that X has to miss out, but also think that it would be unfair to invite her sister but none of the other siblings. Not to mention the space/money issues!

Bumpstarter Sun 15-Sep-13 12:59:48

No. She was guilt tripping you.

RedHelenB Sun 15-Sep-13 13:00:20


QuintessentialShadows Sun 15-Sep-13 13:00:29

No. Yanbu. The woman was a cheeky cow.

LIZS Sun 15-Sep-13 13:01:33

No you have done the right thing , how entitled and rude and I bet she fancied a couple of hours childfree-. The only person disappointing her dd is herself.

tripecity Sun 15-Sep-13 13:01:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fivemoreminutesmummy Sun 15-Sep-13 13:01:53

YANBU. At all. It is your prerogative to invite who you want/ are able to. I think if possible, and space allowing, it's nice to invite siblings but things get ridiculous if you're expected to cater and provide party bags for all of them.
She is cutting off her nose to spite her face.

hettienne Sun 15-Sep-13 13:01:59

YANBU - how cheeky of her to try to guilt trip you!

Deadhamsterssmell Sun 15-Sep-13 13:02:05

Wow! YANBU at all.

NynaevesSister Sun 15-Sep-13 13:02:07

No not at all. This was the mothers choice you shouldn't feel guilty about it. I have developed a patter - oh dear we only have room/can afford X number but for sure if anyone pulls out I can see if it is possible (except it isn't as there are three siblings son IS friends with who get priority and whose parents never tries to force an invite).

CatAmongThePigeons Sun 15-Sep-13 13:02:13

YADNBU. How cheeky of her to ask!

HoneyDragon Sun 15-Sep-13 13:02:23

No. The cheeky cow just wants free child care for the afternoon.

And is being an absolute bitch to her dcs.

NynaevesSister Sun 15-Sep-13 13:02:33

Also, how rude!

WipsGlitter Sun 15-Sep-13 13:02:37

Cheeky cow!

Gruntfuttock Sun 15-Sep-13 13:02:39

I'm sure she was just hoping that she could drop both girls off at yours while she had some child-free time.

Patilla Sun 15-Sep-13 13:03:12

Goodness me, no YANBU.

I have friends with three and four year olds who already understand this idea.

They will never learn if they always go to the parties together. And if you let one sibling in you'll have 20 children at the party before you know it.

Do not give in to this woman! Emotional blackmail irritates the life out of me.

In fact I'd be tempted to respond along the lines of DD will be dissappointed that you wouldn't let your DD come! But this probably isn't the most tactful answer.

FirstStopCafe Sun 15-Sep-13 13:03:37

YANBU. Very cheeky of the other mum

HangingGardenofBabbysBum Sun 15-Sep-13 13:03:45

What an ill-bred woman, first for asking and secondly for her 'disappointed' bollocks.


fuzzpig Sun 15-Sep-13 13:04:21

Good grief. Precious much? YANBU!

My DCs have never been to the same parties, why would they confused

WafflyVersatile Sun 15-Sep-13 13:04:45

Na. It's up to her to manage her children's disappointments in life, not you.

BackforGood Sun 15-Sep-13 13:05:09

Good grief, I can't believe the rudeness of some people. Of course YANBU - she is being very rude to even ask, and sadly doing her dc no favours as, longer term, it just means they won't be asked if she does this to everyone.

Margetts Sun 15-Sep-13 13:05:14


I have twins and 1 is often asked to a party and not the other. I enjoy having the time with just one child

cakebar Sun 15-Sep-13 13:05:35

I know two sets of parents that do this, and tbh it is a factor in whether they get invited or not. It is annoying.

QuintessentialShadows Sun 15-Sep-13 13:05:58

You could text her back "Now is a good opportunity to teach your girls that they have separate friends and go to different classes in school, and it is not normal at this age to tag along with their siblings to parties with children they dont know. My X will be disappointed to hear Y is not coming, but this is your decision of course."

soverylucky Sun 15-Sep-13 13:06:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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