Friend of DH arriving on a Sunday at 7.34am(145 Posts)
My DH is a nice person. (read, mug.) friend was supposed to come over yesterday to talk about a business they are in the process of starting up. Friend cancelled. last minute.
Friend tried to re-arrange for today - no time given.
Today, we are child free, we went out for the night together last night. As our youngest is 12 weeks old, our lie ins are pretty precious to me.
We also have in laws coming over for Sunday lunch, so busy morning.
So when friend tries to rearrange, DH says non - committal 'oh mate, we're pretty busy tomorrow, got parents coming for lunch and busy morning.
Could possible spare an hour or so before but another day would be better.'
Response: 'ah ok.'
Then this morning, 7.15am - DH gets a text - 'Hi mate - I'm on my way. Be with you at 7.30ish.'
So now he's downstairs!!!
AIBU to be so fucking angry I ripped DH to shreads this morning and would honestly like to go down there and explain to this prick exactly how unwelcome he is?! Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fucking fuck fuck fuckprick.
This is why we live 4 hours (including a ferry journey) away from mil.
She still does about half of bil's family washing, etc etc etc. he lives 5 mins away.
Move far away and fast to get away from these people.
Sorry, not helpful but I remember your MIL post before.
I wouldn't have let her back in so well done you for doing that. Can't believe they wanted to make it a weekly thing, probably just so she can check up on you and keep plugging away at trying to take over with the washing etc. She hasn't really learnt though has she if she brought her own shoe polish and waited until you weren't in the room to do it.
You are a mug to put up with any of this
If you had a child free night and opportunity for a delicious lie in, you should have spent it shagging each other's brains out, not letting some arsehole invade your space
My H would have replied to the initial "on my way" text with "Don't bother mate, the door will be locked."
if by any chance he got over the threshold I wouldn't have hidden in my bedroom too scared to say anything, you should have gone down and turfed him right out of your house
if you tolerate this, it will keep on happening and your H sounds like just a big a dick as his mate is
Oh bloody hell is that you OP? I really think you need to tell the lot of them to fuck off and your DH to toughen up!
You have considerably more patience than me, that's for sure
I think I'd have gone into whichever room they were playing FIFA in and said, "oh good, you've finished your business talk. DH, there's stacks to do before
your the guests arrive, so can you make a start on a, b, c, d, e and f then? Thick-skinned friend, we'll see you again soon, not quite so early next time."
This is you isn't it?
With the 'depressed' mother in law who won't leave you alone and steals your eldest's swimming costumes?
YANBU about the friend, the hour he arrived or the FIFA playing once he got there.
Running a business can be a 24 hour thing, you have to put the hours in to make it work. But I don't think playing FIFA for three hours quite fits the bill of putting in the hours for the business.
And YANBU about the in-laws either.
I didn't realise it was you with the nutty mother in law OP. I think you need to ship the lot of 'em off to Siberia
And someone upthread said it's not DH's fault.
I make it his fault.
I'd be reading the riot act. But then that's me.
Oh and she made a point of thanking me for my concern after DH told FIL to take her to doc for her depression! But she is feeling much better now she is swimming more often thank you,
Of course I didn't bloody let her take laundry! I wouldn't have let her polish the shoes either but just came downstairs from changing the baby to find her doing it - she had bought her own shoe polish with her!!
She is not completely over herself - a few snide remarks about the laundry issue, quizzing me about which leggings DSD wore to trampolining this week - not the M&S ones?! Because they go with a specific dress!!!
Generally though things have calmed down.
I have decided to keep it so that they visit purely a guests - this is the first time they had been back - DCs went to stay sat night and then they came for lunch and then left. There was talk of every Sunday but I said that was too big of a cimmitment!
Anyway. Perhaps PIL are reason why DH befriends boundary-less people?!
I would also be livid with friend but I don't think your DH is at fault: he gave the clearest indication possible short of being blunt that a Sunday morning wasn't going to work. I would never take what your DH said as an indication that it was ok and I don't think most people with an iota of sensitivity would either.
My DH had (note past tense), a friend like this who used to show up uninvited with his wife at some point more or less every weekend. They just couldn't take subtle hints. (DH also comes from a country where dropping in is more acceptable.) Eventually it dawned on DH that he had to tell them to ask if they wanted to come round. Funnily enough they stopped coming around after that.
Some people just need things to be spelled out in neon capitals before they get the message.
Oh crikey you have the MIL! Has she got over herself?
Oh Fairy I didn't realise it was you from the MIL thread! You really do have a time of it don't you?! You need to befriend some people with no concept of boundaries and unleash them on your DH in retaliation!
She polished her shoes, sewed a name tape on her socks and offered to take laundry home. In the grand scheme of things I think it went well!
How did it go, fairy? Did she manage to get upstairs to your dsd's bedroom for a tidy up?
Clam - this is my olive branch lunch - hence the house cleaning!
FloggingMolly - I have had past issues with in laws. This was first time back in my house. We had run out of potatoes. I was cooking a roast. I hardly think that makes me a crazy slave driver.
"Just been making small talk with 'friend' (I've not met him before) he said 'had real trouble parking this morning, think everyone on your road was still in bed! I suppose I did get here a bit eearly - but that's me, up the the lark so thought now was as good a time as any! Left 'the wife' on bed hahahahahaha'"
This bloody friend knew exactly what he was doing!!! He knew damn well it was far too early, but sounds like he does as he pleases anyway as he was probably expecting that your DH would not turn around and say "well turn around then, its far too early and I can't do today"
Did they actually plan to talk business? Hours on bloody Fifa first thing on a Sunday morning when they are suppose to be discussing a new business? This man sounds like a bloody pita.
OP, YANBU and I can't believe anyone would think that you are.
I get arsey enough when my neighbour plays his fucking trombone/cello/trumpet at 9.30 on a weekend morning when I am having a lie in. I would not tolerate anyone visiting at 7.30am!!!!
I would have kicked him out as soon as they started playing fifa, a genuine business meeting at 7.30, ruining your first child free lie in.... I could almost forgive, ruining your lie in for a very loud game of fifa, not acceptable.
I would suggest you draw very firm boundaries with this 'friend' now, people who have no consideration for others as he has shown don't take polite hints. You have to tell him straight out what is and isn't acceptable.
"Maybe your dh was glad of an excuse to opt out of the stress fest that was lunch in your house?"
Well that would just make him a complete cunt, wouldn't it?
Opting out of the "stress fest" that was lunch for HIS PARENTS.
And sorry, but it doesn't take a mind reader to know that you don't invite yourself over to anyone's house at 7.30 on a Sunday morning without prior agreement.
"An hour before lunch" means, give me a shout after 11am and I'll see if I can fit you in before 1.
It does not mean in any civilised part of the world that you just announce your arrival at 7.30.
Maybe your dh was glad of an excuse to opt out of the stress fest that was lunch in your house?
There really should have been no need to clean the house and go shopping for potatoes on Sunday morning?
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.