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To want DP to take me to work

(68 Posts)
HolaGuapo Fri 13-Sep-13 19:32:13

I get the train to work and this suits me fine - I pay for my season pass, and I quite enjoy the 15 minute commute. I often work Sundays and the train times have just changed so that the only train to where I work gets in 3 hours before my start time. What on earth am I supposed to do for 3 hours on a Sunday, especially as its getting colder now?
I asked DP if he will drive me - its about 18 miles from where we live. He says no as petrol is too expensive and he wants to change his car at the end of the year so is trying to keep his mileage down. I don't drive.
I'm 20 weeks pregnant and working 46-50 hour weeks. He works Monday-Friday 9-5. I often only have 1 day off a week (sometimes 2, sometimes none) and because of how my shifts fall, I can work 12 or 13 days in a row without a day off. I'm exhausted and I would quite like to not have to trudge round in the cold for 3 hours before my shift starts. AIBU?

marriedinwhiteisback Sat 14-Sep-13 12:28:41

OP - in about 30 mins I'm going to collect my 18 year old son from about 10 miles away (difficult public transport route) because he stayed after a party last night. I'm doing that because I love him. I'm not saying that because I don't think your dp loves you but I wonder how well loved he has been and so doesn't know how to be caring and show love.

I wonder if you both need a little more love than you have evr received and whether this is the problem.

SquinkiesRule Sat 14-Sep-13 11:14:19

Lone? Love is what I meant

SquinkiesRule Sat 14-Sep-13 11:13:48

He's a selfish arse and this isn't the first time. You need to get this sorted before the baby comes, or you will find he carries on life as before and you are let with all the burden trying to do the childminder drop on the bus and rushing to pick up etc, he needs to step up to the plate and be a man and more caring and considerate of someone who he claims to lone and who is carrying his child.

DizzyPurple Sat 14-Sep-13 11:01:11

He sounds totally selfish. It's a shame it's taken a row to get him to come round. Hopefully he'll be a bit more sympathetic. Doesn't sound like it should be a big deal for him. He's been working all week? Sounds like you are working really hard too. What is it he wants to do with the time he could be taking you? I often find driving in a car is a good time to have a chat without the usual distractions of life. Maybe put that angle to him - quality time together which it doesn't sound like you get much of now.

candycoatedwaterdrops Sat 14-Sep-13 10:45:56

Even if the OP does get a driving licence, (assuming she can afford it!) it will take time for her to learn to drive, so what is she meant to do in the mean time?

McNewPants2013 Sat 14-Sep-13 00:31:58

I think you need to get a driving licence of your own.

Sorry to sound harsh, but there would be no way I expect DH after working a full week to get up and take me to work.

Secretswitch Sat 14-Sep-13 00:16:11

Honey, your are five months pregnant with his child and he can't be arsed to drive you to your job? I am with the other poster who said this cannot be the only instance of his selfishness. Stop and think about how is self involvement will affect you and your child. I feel very sad for you.

elcranko Sat 14-Sep-13 00:09:14

Why on earth would anyone let their pregnant partner wander around in the cold for three hours for the sake of a couple of quid in petrol money? YADNBU OP. Hope he realises what a selfish arse he's being and sharpish.

quoteunquote Fri 13-Sep-13 23:53:50

Do I have this correct, He wants you at twenty week pregnant to wait around for three hours, to save a few miles on the clock, some petrol money, and his lie in?

I would go and stay with your grandparents indefinitely.

Keep a careful watch on your energy levels.

shouldistayorshouldagonooooooo Fri 13-Sep-13 23:49:34

[shocked] what a tight cunt!

TalkativeJim Fri 13-Sep-13 23:28:39

Hey, you know all those irritating things about being pregnant that you just have to suck up while your partner merrily carries on without a second thought... tiredness, achiness, carrying around a couple of extra stone, body changing permanently, stretch marks, possibly severe sickness, going through childbirth?

Well here's the ideal opportunity for your partner to get to make a sacrifice and suck something up. Hurrah! He gives you the lift - and shuts his mean little sulky penny-pinching mouth!

WafflyVersatile Fri 13-Sep-13 23:21:56

He may just have an irrational thing about petrol being expensive.

They are about to become a family and should be a partnership. In a partnership an hour or so of his time dedicated to the family income added to 35 hours per week he works has got to be worth sacrificing to save 3 hours off her time dedicated to the family income on top of 45-60 hours.

WhereYouLeftIt Fri 13-Sep-13 23:13:08

HolaGuapo, have just read your thread of last week.

You said there that "We're not that skint that we can't afford petrol for a day out, he's just a bit tight about paying loads for petrol in general." So this is most certainly not about money, it is about meanness. Meanness is a trait that tends to go beyond money - have a think, there almost certainly have been other incidents where he has displayed meanness. Not nice.

You were just moving in with him last week, where did you stay before? Can you go back?

notallytuts Fri 13-Sep-13 23:10:35

depends how long the drive takes? if its 18 miles along a motorway yanbu

if its not fast roads and would take say, 40mins, thats 2h40 of driving to do two round trips (presumably he wouldnt hang around in the cold whilst you work) - its not that unreasonable for him to not want to spend 2h40 doing something to save you 3 hours. is there not a coffee shop or somewhere you could sit with a book (and tell him to do some housework at home in the meantime!!)

MohammedLover Fri 13-Sep-13 23:02:49

This could be one of many battles that await you. It might be worth spending some time reading sites based on assertiveness. Just because you are young it does not mean that your not worthy of consideration. Maybe your chap just needs a few prods in the right direction! Good luck with your pregnancy.

therewearethen Fri 13-Sep-13 23:02:28

Sounds a bit mean, is money really that tight though that it would mean cutting back elsewhere to make up for the extra petrol?

WafflyVersatile Fri 13-Sep-13 23:01:51

Does this mean he will drive you?

WhereYouLeftIt Fri 13-Sep-13 23:01:46

"He says no as petrol is too expensive and he wants to change his car at the end of the year so is trying to keep his mileage down. I don't drive."
18 miles each way.
36 miles round trip.
Once a week (and not absolutely every week).
16 Sundays until the end of the year.
576 additional miles maximum driven by the end of the year.
36 miles/gallon achievable by most cars.
Petrol ranging from 132.9p/litre to 139.9p/litre = £6.05/gallon to £6.37/gallon.

There is nothing 'D' about your P that he values six quid and some of his oh-so-precious time above you spending three hours kicking your heels in the cold.

And 576 miles on the clock isn't going to make a hell of a lot of difference to the price he'll get for his car.

Don't go and stay with your grandparents on Saturdays. Go and stay with them permanently. The man is a complete tosser.

MohammedLover Fri 13-Sep-13 22:58:15

Is there somewhere on the way that you could be dropped off and get a more frequent bus or train from there as a compromise?

HolaGuapo Fri 13-Sep-13 22:52:39

Yes I am the same OP who posted last weekend. Hmm seems to be a running theme here with DP and petrol costs! After an argument this evening he's agreed that he was unreasonable. Arghhh. The baby was unplanned and I'm very young in comparison to some people on this website. I turn to this site for advice sometimes because I don't know who else to go to. Thank you all.

Catmint Fri 13-Sep-13 22:39:47


maddening Fri 13-Sep-13 22:39:12

I would suggest that you are put on your dh insurance and he teach you to drive - and use the Sunday drive as part of your practise.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Fri 13-Sep-13 22:34:33

Hang on, it's not like this is every day. It's some Sundays.

My DH would drive me in pregnant or not, then have me wonder around for three hours.

Buttercup4 Fri 13-Sep-13 22:20:48

YADNBU, my DH would do this without question and I'm not even pregnant.

I take my DH to work at 5am every morning to save him the 15minute bus journey in the cold. I then come back home go back to bed and get up at 7am to go to work.

Sorry but your DP sounds a bit mean

pictish Fri 13-Sep-13 22:16:33

And that would be preggers or not.

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