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To think oh "STFU" and give no further consideration to this "parenting concern" from ds's Dad?

(121 Posts)
Sparklysilversequins Fri 13-Sep-13 11:46:13

Apparently he is "concerned" that ds eats coco pops for breakfast twice a week as its nothing more than "sugary air". Ds usually has eggs or bacon or toast on the other days but these coco pops are a REAL issue apparently. We have had two heated phone calls about it in the last 24 hours hmm.

He's my ex by the way.

Balaboosta Fri 13-Sep-13 12:10:29

I should be so lucky that my ex (even before he was my ex) gave even one atom of attention to what his children eat. Embrace his interest in DS and direct to other (more important) areas of DS's life. Or just stop with the coco pops because he wants you to and thank him for his concern.

Justshabbynochic Fri 13-Sep-13 12:11:04

Oh sorry, JakeBullet got there way before me!

Balaboosta Fri 13-Sep-13 12:12:00

Me, I have embraced coco pops cos they are the best midnight snack known to humankind

Sparklysilversequins Fri 13-Sep-13 12:19:00

Well ds is autistic so trying to introduce different options is rather problematic and I don't always have time to cook a breakfast, so I kind if think coco pops once or twice a week is not a massive deal.

Ex doesn't have him to stay as his place isn't suitable, we both agree on this.

Justshabbynochic Fri 13-Sep-13 12:20:12

My ex used to threaten to go to court for custody over our DS all the time, just to try and be abusive and controlling over me even when I fled left.

He would find the simplest things to "use" against me, and would repeatedly call me an "unfit mother."

He used to get me so scared that he'd somehow find a way to take DS from me.

That's why this scenerio stuck out to me because it reminded me of how my ex used to bully me. This may, of course, not be the OP's ex's intentions at all, but it does happen.

Mumof3xx Fri 13-Sep-13 12:22:24

If he can't provide a suitable place for your ds to stay how dare he kick off over coco pops
Mans a joke

YouTheCat Fri 13-Sep-13 12:23:29

As your ds is autistic then your ex should have some kind of understanding of the difficulty in getting decent food into your ds.

Once or twice a week he's having cereal because there isn't time to cook a breakfast (this can easily happen no matter how organised you are). As your ex isn't the one having to manage the mornings (and I remember how stressful that can be with an autistic child) he really should butt out.

burberryqueen Fri 13-Sep-13 12:24:39

agree with mumof3 actually how dare he then?

FourGates Fri 13-Sep-13 12:28:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeeBee Fri 13-Sep-13 12:28:13

Tell him he is welcome to deliver whatever he feels is suitable and you will support him in his parenting efforts.

FourGates Fri 13-Sep-13 12:28:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mignonette Fri 13-Sep-13 12:29:26

Is he called Jamie Oliver?

mignonette Fri 13-Sep-13 12:30:20

Oh and cocoa Pops now come in crocodile feet shapes. Super cool.

WorraLiberty Fri 13-Sep-13 12:31:19

Are there any concerns about your DS's teeth/weight/health?

Sparklysilversequins Fri 13-Sep-13 12:33:06

grinAt is he JO?

No, no concerns re teeth, weight etc. Ds is in fine shape, he goes scooting or cycling while I run up to 6 km two or three times a week.

SaucyJack Fri 13-Sep-13 12:33:08


Last time I checked, breakfast cereal was an acceptable breakfast.

Ifcatshadthumbs Fri 13-Sep-13 12:35:39

Four gates, eggs and bacon are not unhealthy IMO and actually a high protein breakfast is an excellent way to start the day. The OP didn't say it was a full, greasy fry up.

Coco pops are shit though.

SubliminalMassaging Fri 13-Sep-13 12:36:45

YANBU to tell him to bog off and mind his own business, providing you are completely prepared to do the same with any parenting decisions he makes while DS is with him.

Are you?

YouTheCat Fri 13-Sep-13 12:36:52

Yes but if you run out of time, isn't it better that a child has something, even if it is coco pops, rather than nothing?

PostBellumBugsy Fri 13-Sep-13 12:37:50

OP - you know better than us, if the "concern" is genuine because he is really horrified by coco pops or if he is trying to control you.

I don't like coco pops, but in the great scheme of things I do not think a child having coco pops twice a week in an otherwise healthy diet is a bad thing or one that should be a cause for concern.

Personally, I am impressed by you cooking breakfast on the other days! Can me & the DCs come & live with you? smile

I've had these kind of issues with my ex-H (I even have an ASD DC too) and it has usually been about him trying to make me do what he wants, rather than about the actual issue he raises.

littlewhitebag Fri 13-Sep-13 12:39:37

My DD has always eaten that type of cereal. She won't eat anything else. She is almost 16 now and is tall, healthy and slim with excellent teeth. You are doing well limiting it to two days a week. Your ex is being silly.

BrokenSunglasses Fri 13-Sep-13 12:42:09

I don't think you should just ignore him if he is a loving and involved parent.

For a variety of reasons I don't like it when my ex, who I have a good relationship with, feeds our dc on McDonald's and pizza all weekend. I didn't realise I was supposed to stop giving a shit about my children's diets just because they are spending the weekend with their other parent.

Your ex has a point. If you ignore him then fine, that's your choice as the RP, but don't expect him to pay any attention to anything you say either.

DeWe Fri 13-Sep-13 12:44:09

Dm wouldn't let us have rice crispies. She said there was more nutrician benefit of eating the packet.

Having a heavy breakfast makes me feel very sick, so they were one of the few breakfasts I could eat without feeling sick. So I stopped having breakfast at all. Dm wasn't too impressed. no pleasing some people and now rarely have breakfast.

PartyOrganisor Fri 13-Sep-13 12:49:37

Well if your ds is autistic and has some issues with food, then I can see how having other 'quick fixes' rather a full cooked breakfast is going to be harder.

BUT you still haven't told us if this guy IS into healthy eating. Not just for his dc but for himself too. Would that issue have been there if you still had been living together?

Or has it become a power struggle between 2 parents that didn't get on very well? (both from your ex and from you)

I wouldn't want to comment re the unsuitable place to take his ds with him. Lots of things can happen, we know nothing about the circumstances of the dad nor do we know how affected by autism the child is, all of which will have some impact.

Sparklysilversequins Fri 13-Sep-13 12:49:59

I think there is an element of control and while he is a loving parent the practical stuff has been left to me from day one. He rarely lifted a finger when we lived together. He intermittently gets these bug bears about things and will bang on and on and on about it till he gets his own way. He was MUCH worse when we lived together.

He also drinks quite a lot too and I do find it hard to take parenting directions from someone who has never done the hard stuff really (though he would say he has, but it was probably about 3%!) and who thinks nothing of pissing off 6 weeks travelling.

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