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To not even consider this?

(241 Posts)
Joanne279 Fri 13-Sep-13 00:03:29

Hello everyone. My mil battle is still raging on sad

Other family member have now got involved and have put a suggestion to me, that they will put to her, in the hope mil will accept (no promises!)

Mil flatly refuses to see our 3 kids for 8 months due to family row over her not being given our baby overnight at 2 weeks old.

So, it has been suggested that in order to make mil feel more comfortable, for 5ish times, I go out of my house, so she will come up to see the kids as she won't come up if I'm there. After these 5ish visits, mil will be convinced (they hope) to come up when I'm there. So, I will be allowed back in my home but requested that I not enter the room in MY HOUSE that she is in with MY KIDS when she visits!

Am I failing to try to put myself out a bit for the resolution of the problem, or is this suggestion just a complete joke?

Thanks in advance x

frustratedashell Fri 13-Sep-13 00:08:50

Blimey! I would let her get on with sulking. It's a barmy idea. Chuck you out of your own home cos she didn't like not being allowed to have baby over night at 2weeks old.!? She is being unreasonable.

ReadyisKnitting Fri 13-Sep-13 00:09:00

I think I'd personally enjoy the peace and quiet tbh. If she gets this attention following a paddy then she'll just have another paddy next time she wants her own way.

If she wants to see them then she knows where they are. Otherwise, do you really want them to see a grown adult behave like a toddler? Stuff that.

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 13-Sep-13 00:09:32

What exactly is being done by her to make you feel 'comfortable'? Sweet fuck all, I assume. If you agree to this bullshit she will be controlling everything for ever, and everyone else enables her.

TheYoniWayIsUp Fri 13-Sep-13 00:12:29

Ridiculous! Fuck her, you don't need someone like that in your life!

Icedink Fri 13-Sep-13 00:13:05

Hahahahaha! Like fuck would I agree to that grin

BlissfullyIgnorant Fri 13-Sep-13 00:13:53

First, gringringrin

Second, YANBU to think it's a stupid idea

Third, it's not your problem to solve, it's her problem. She's a fool, but so is the other family member for 'suggesting' it. (Or, perhaps, passing MIL's message on?)

SupermansBigRedPants Fri 13-Sep-13 00:14:38

Not a fucking chance! Have you got bam wrote across your head? No? Keep it that way and tell mil to huff away!

NatashaBee Fri 13-Sep-13 00:14:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Joanne279 Fri 13-Sep-13 00:15:03

Really? I'm actually being serious. This shit has worn me down so much, I don't have the ability to say with any confidence if its me being unreasonable or them? X

Editededition Fri 13-Sep-13 00:16:46

I would suggest to the suggesters that MIL coming to your house to see your children without you being present is NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!!

I might also suggest to them that, if MIL feels she is missing out on her grandchildren because of her sulk, that ceasing to sulk is the only actual solution.

I remember the last thread, OP.
Hang on in there!!

fridayfreedom Fri 13-Sep-13 00:17:45

Let her stew.
I simply can't understand why anyone would leave a two week old baby with someone else and why on earth would a relative feel that they have a right to this and sulk if you don't agree . Totally barmy!!

elcranko Fri 13-Sep-13 00:18:44

It's definitely them! Do not, even for a second, consider this. What a stupid suggestion, asking you to leave your own house so MIL can visit! Like anyone would actually do that?!

What does your DH think about it all? Does he still speak to her?

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 13-Sep-13 00:19:35

Where is DH in all this? He'd better not be part of the keep MIL sweet team.

lottiegarbanzo Fri 13-Sep-13 00:22:24

Haven't read your previous threads but that is nuts, why would you?

If she wants to visit your family, she visits your family as your guest and behaves accordingly. She doesn't have any rights to your children that override your primary role as their mother. If she can't respect your parenting choices she doesn't get any time alone with them. If she can't be pleasant to you she isn't welcome in your home. Simple, surely?

Joanne279 Fri 13-Sep-13 00:24:24

Dh is somewhat on the fence.

To be honest, when the family members were here, he said nothing to I didn't feel pressured by him and he later told me he couldn't get the blame for making me if I later changed my mind ( yes mn, I did stupidly agree but changing my mind)

The ONLY up to this pathetic idea, is that IF I agree, the other family members have agreed there would be nothing more i could do, and they would then whole heatedly support me when she moans about not seeing the kids.

Oh, what to do :/ x

lizzzyyliveson Fri 13-Sep-13 00:26:41

Tell her to jog on. That is all you need to do. Or let her come over but be hiding upstairs, then when she is being Queen Bee on your sofa come down and let her watch your children rush over to you because you are their mother and they love you more.

timidviper Fri 13-Sep-13 00:27:32

Thinking logically, if you go alone with this you are compromising, leaving your own home, being told when you can return and the payoff is resuming a relationship with someone who strops when she doesn't get her own way. She, on the other hand, calls the tune, makes no compromises and gets her grandchildren to herself and the satisfaction of get one up on you.

I know grandparents are important but, if she behaves like this is there any advantage in having her back in their lives?

You are the children's mother, what you say goes and she needs to learn and respect that, so do these other family members. I would tell the lot of them to jog on!

Icedink Fri 13-Sep-13 00:28:03

Sorry that was a bit inappropriate blush

She is being so completely, ridiculously unreasonable I'm wondering what planet shes from! She must have people enabling this behaviour if she really can't see it. Who suggested this stupid idea? What does your dh think?

StuntGirl Fri 13-Sep-13 00:28:38

Good grief, tell her to jog on.

pigsDOfly Fri 13-Sep-13 00:29:59

What the hell. Are they mad?

No bloody way would I agree to this. It's making me feel all hot and bothered just reading your post.

Just tell these family members where to stick their demented ideas and with any luck OP another 8 months (hopefully longer) will pass before you have to give this ghastly woman another thought.

I wouldn't want her coming anywhere near my house, my children or me. And I certainly wouldn't be creeping out of my own house and creeping back in again so she can continue to be enabled in her crazy demands.

Joanne279 Fri 13-Sep-13 00:32:14

I'm actually feeling quite sick sad

I know it's pathetic but I feel so pressured because I know dp wants his mum involved.

I'm going to make myself look like a right door mat aren't I? sad x

LimitedEditionLady Fri 13-Sep-13 00:41:56

Dont do it,i wouldnt.Youre their mum,would it not be a bit weird for them that you have to leave when she comes?Why the bleeding hell should you go.

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 13-Sep-13 00:41:58

They are all in a FOG. They don't have good critical thinking. You still have, aided by MN, a little bit.

My FIL, no diagnosis but I would bet a million, has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Everyone panders but I just laugh and never engage with the nonsense. They are FANTASTIC at doing it so you need to be on your guard all the time and never do anything that compromises your integrity. Leaving my DC with someone who doesn't like me would count.

Madlizzy Fri 13-Sep-13 00:42:26

my answer to that would be to fuck right off. your kids, your home and no way should you be chased away for a spoilt brat of a woman.

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