AIBU to refuse to be personal referee?

[PigOnStilts]

Got a friend. Had her 20 years. Always been close. We've seen eachother through a lot of hard times ...... In recent times shes treated me like shit, really, has cancelled on me virtually every time we've had an arrangement. And a couple of years ago rented my house and totally trashed it....I had to get new carpet in etc. I didn't make a fuss as I was in quite bad ill health at the time and keeping stress out of my life was vital.

I've consistently been there for her and she for me but never in physical sense....she lives by text and can't be relied on to actually meet up. She let me down big time on Sunday and I had to go to a party totally on my own....

It's the final straw really, that and the lack of apology (constant theme)...

I was coming on here to ask should and how dump.....

And got a text asking me to be personal referee for her 20 yo son who I don't like because he totally ignores me. I mean, just blanks me, and has done since they were my tenants three years ago. It's not that I don't want to I any kid a favour but writing a statement for her son is nuts...he clearly doesn't even like me. Can I say no?

[Sirzy]

Of course you can say no.

Or respond saying "if he nips in/phones me to ask then I will" - at 20 he is more than old enough to sort things for himself!

[mrspremise]

YANBU, No is a complete sentence. You don't have to justify yourself, just say that you don't feel comfortable doing this, end of.

[MammaTJ]

'Sorry, nothing to do with me, not close enough to either of you to know the ins and outs',

[HorryIsUpduffed]

And your personal reference would say "when he was my tenant the place was trashed" so um no.

I recently didn't provide a reference. There is no awkwardness with the person in question because she's nice, and worth having as a friend.

[happycrimblechuckie]

Perfect Sirzy my 20 year old son would never do that so she is safe to say that as he will never pop in to get one! They are lazy and rude like that.

[PigOnStilts]

She's just texted me again saying that she knows that of course it won't be a problem, she's told me what he's put down....how. Fucking. Rude. I didn't get it earlier because I had no signal, but would it have killed her to pick up the phone?

[SweetSeraphim]

I don't think I could resist answering, tbh. You're going to have to say something. Does she really think the friendship is the same as it always was?

[ScottishInSwitzerland]

So he's already sent off an application listing you as reference without you saying ok?

Reply and say actually it is a problem. Don't be pushed into doing it. Cheeky cow

[ilovesooty]

So he's written his own reference, expects you to endorse it and hasn't the manners to contact you personally? They're both so rude it beggars belief.

[echt]

Text: it's a pity your son didn't 1. Ask me himself 2. Wait for my reply.
I cannot be referee.

If you're contacted by whoever it is just say: Sorry there was a terrible error, I am not a referee for X. This last is kinder than he deserves.

[PigOnStilts]

No I think he's listed my details and they'll contact me. I actually think he's lazy and has v poor social skills...I can't say that!

Her kids are all ignorant...they have crap social skills because they all just sit in front of their computers. I've never said to her I think he has a horrible attitude....but he has.

She has saved my ass in the past though...it has to be said, once my life was fine she seemed to lose interest. She's a rescuer....and I am too, so I kind of get it.

[echt]

But if you give him a reference you'd be lying, surely.

[Rowlers]

"I think it is more appropriate that he approach someone in a position of responsibiltiy to act as referee. One of his teachers, for example. I will not be acting as referee."

[Sallyingforth]

"I regret that I am not able to give a fair reference for this person because I have had little contact with him for some years"