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to think we should inherite larger share of MiL property?

(261 Posts)
Jellybeanz1 Thu 12-Sep-13 12:55:45

I have been caring for my very nice but sometimes difficult MIL for 3 years in her large country house. I left my job p/t teacher and we sold our small London house to move in. Over the last 3 years we have done substantial work to the house let alone a ridiculous amount of de cluttering from 2 generations of hoarders living there (not kidding couldn't get into 3 rooms). My dh has to stay away 3 nights a week commuting to his old job. We have also prevented the house being sold for nursing home fees (she has dementia and is incontinent).
So when we just had the house valued to see what our options might be for the future I was very disappointed to hear my dh say half would go to the brother. He hasn't helped out at all and we lost money on our house in London as prices have returned to 7% increase. MiL's property is now worth more now as prices are picking up and all the work and effort we have put into it. I have just had argument with dh as I don't feel he is valuing my efforts and also depriving the children of their inheritance.
Aibu and greedy or should we/I be compensated. I have looked for a nice teaching job here but cant find one (2 interviews). I feel like I don't want to carry on with the loneliness, the burden of caring and managing this large house and garden( on my own most of the time ) if it wasn't to improve our financial position. After all the brother i L. is not spending all his time doing up the house and not being able to get away and is actually financially well off. I'm also worried I've messed up my career.

CalamityJones Thu 12-Sep-13 13:00:44

The idea of divvying up your mil's assets before she's even dead doesn't sit very well with me. And was your plan to move in so you got a bigger share of the inheritance or because your dh loves his mother? Why did you have to sell your London house to move it?

Sirzy Thu 12-Sep-13 13:03:10

All that reads like is you went to 'help' her because you thought it would be financially beneficial to you in the long run?

Onesleeptillwembley Thu 12-Sep-13 13:05:29

You sound a peach! Maybe the brother should have more, you've lived there rent free for years.

Floggingmolly Thu 12-Sep-13 13:06:42

You've presumably pocketed the profit from the sale of your London home and lived rent free ever since.
Your claim that by giving his brother his rightful share your dh is "devaluing your efforts" is as good as admitting you did it for the money.
Have you seen a copy of the will? She may just have left it all to a charity for homeless donkeys. and good for her if she did

CalamityJones Thu 12-Sep-13 13:06:59

Good point, onesleep. How much rent have you paid your mil, op?

EastwickWitch Thu 12-Sep-13 13:07:12

Did you have a conversation with BIL before you sold your London House & moved in or before you spent your money on her house?
It's a big step to have taken without any legal advice & you all being aware of the implications.

GobTheGoblin Thu 12-Sep-13 13:07:19

Does the mil have a will? You may find that she wants it split 50/50 or even leave it to the cats home. As it is her property it is hers to do as she will with it.

AllThatGlistens Thu 12-Sep-13 13:07:20

Oh dear god.. Has your MIL actually even passed away??

Talk about picking over the remains shock

RunRabbit Thu 12-Sep-13 13:07:36

Agree with the other posters and yes, you are BU and greedy.

If you gave up so much to look after her it should have been done because you care for her not what you can get out of it.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Thu 12-Sep-13 13:07:50

You seem nice.

Why are you having a house that doesn't belong to you valued?

lainiekazan Thu 12-Sep-13 13:07:54

If the plan was that you looked after your mil but in return got the lion's share of the house's value (the whole lot would seem unreasonable, given that you say it is a country house) then that should have been agreed in advance.

If your mil has dementia then it is probably too late for her to take proper advice and draw up a will, or do you have power of attorney already?

Squitten Thu 12-Sep-13 13:08:20

Perhaps it's your MIL's decision as to what happens to her property rather than you and your DH doing it for her... hmm

Chusband Thu 12-Sep-13 13:08:38

You don't get a say in it. Depends on what her will says.

sparechange Thu 12-Sep-13 13:09:16

Have you had to pay her any rent, or pay bills while you've been living there?

I have some sympathy for you and have been in a similar situation myself, but at the end of the day, you are caring for family, and you can't really put a price on that or on family members not pulling their weight.

It is too late now, but perhaps you could have rented your place in London out rather than selling it and got the best of both worlds.

specialsubject Thu 12-Sep-13 13:09:22

seems that the OP is doing most of the work and has given up a lot. No judgement here.

Is there a will? (You've all got problems if there isn't and MiL is no longer competent to make one)

if you don't want to do this any more, say so. Then you and hubby move out, the home gets sold to pay the care fees and depending on how long she lives, there may not be anything left to discuss. But you will probably have your life back.

PrimalLass Thu 12-Sep-13 13:09:33

I don't necessarily think YABU as it seems to be you doing the work not your DH, and definitely not his brother.

quoteunquote Thu 12-Sep-13 13:09:53

It could be sold and money used for her to go into a nursing home,

It is really not nice to be thinking what you may or may not get when someone dies.

If she left a will , and decided to equally divide everything, then that is what she wanted,

Do you pay rent?

OTTMummA Thu 12-Sep-13 13:11:44

You sound vile.
Why don't you do everyone a favour and get a job, any job.
You clearly resent looking after your MIL so just leave it to a professional who isn't after her house when she slides of the mortal coil.

WowOoo Thu 12-Sep-13 13:12:36

I don't believe this is genuine.

If it is, everyone else has said what I think already.

MaxPepsi Thu 12-Sep-13 13:12:47

I kind of see your point but your MIL has 2 sons. They should inherit equally as that is what she wanted when she was of sound mind.

DH's gran died last year. She had 4 kids. 2 looked after her (her daughter effectively putting her life on hold) the other 2 couldn't even be bothered to visit.
However all four of them inherited equally. As an outsider I found this very unfair on DH's aunt and his dad and think the other 2 siblings should have recognised this and offered them something extra.
The eldest did, the youngest however swooped in and took whatever he fancied before we'd even buried her.

Your BIL may well recognise the efforts you have all put in.

DuelingFanjo Thu 12-Sep-13 13:12:54

When it does come to it you may have a case to argue that you have spent money on the property and so therefore deserve to get that financial contribution back, particularly if you have a paper trail to prove it.

However, do you really want to be getting into the legal fight it will involve at a time when two people will be struggling with the loss of their mother?

If your MIL wanted to give more to your husband then she would. Do you even know if she has made a will.

PresidentServalan Thu 12-Sep-13 13:13:54

YABU and grabby. She's not even your mother! It's none of your business who gets what and when. Agree with the pp who said you sound vile.

Ragusa Thu 12-Sep-13 13:14:21

Bleeeeurgh. Is this serious??

TakingThePea Thu 12-Sep-13 13:14:55


Like others have said, you and your husband should be helping his mother because you care, not to get more of the house.

Why would it be depriving your children of their inheritance? Your BIL was around before you or your children - what about his inheritance?

Giving up work and moving etc are issues you obviously would have discussed before. I don't think it's right to complain 3 years down the line.

I hope I don't come across as harsh - you do just sound greedy tbh.

Does your MIL have a will?

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