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So, I offered a fellow mum ...

(137 Posts)
MoistJoist Thu 12-Sep-13 07:58:25

... a brand new (school-branded) uniform set for her DC as she had been unable to order any in time for the start of the school term. I gave it to her last week and she promised to pop the money for it round the following day. She didn't, and I did not hear from her until I received a text yesterday saying she had ordered more uniform for her DC as, after she washed and dried the new set I gave her, they came up a little tight, and that she will return the set to me tomorrow (presumably after her DC has worn it for the whole week ...)

I'm not sure how she's washed and dried it as I have washed the same uniform set (part of the same batch I ordered, and cleaned according to the instructions on the label(s)), tried it on my DS (who is a smidgeon bigger than her DC) and it came up just fine i.e. it is his size. There is every possibility that it may not see him through the entire school year if he goes through a growth spurt, but it is his size.

I'm not really sure how to respond to her text. I'm not close to the mum, but our DC have been cared for together for years and are good friends (and will be in the same class at school, which they are hugely excited about), and I have always liked and respected her, albeit from a distance. I don't think it is worth falling out over this (especially as I am not desperate for the money), but AIBU to consider her text a little bit cheeky, given that it was a brand new set and she'd promised to pay me for it? And WWYD?

NynaevesSister Thu 12-Sep-13 08:02:04

Reply to her what a shame especially as it was the size she asked for. Never mind, as it is so new she can easily sell it on to get her money back. Also I would be inclined to call her and talk to her. I presume you're not able to take it back as it has been washed?

WireCat Thu 12-Sep-13 08:02:12

There's nothing you can do.

Use the uniform on your own child.

Runningchick123 Thu 12-Sep-13 08:03:22

Text her back and say 'as you have agreed to pay me for the uniform then just pay me and keep the uniform, if its too small then try selling it to somebody who has a smaller child'.
The uniform is no use to you and is now 2nd hand so she should pay for it and learn to wash her clothes properly so they don't shrink.
If she had bought it from the shop she would have paid for it and couldn't return it based on the fact that she simply didn't wash it correctly causing it to be damaged.

ZenGardener Thu 12-Sep-13 08:05:32

Perhaps she felt awkward about taking it and didn't know how to say no.

Did you not buy it for your son to use? Perhaps she felt you were being over-generous.

Just accept it back and use it. No need to fall out.

RhondaJean Thu 12-Sep-13 08:06:26

I'd text back right now and say its fine, I will just collect the uniform at the school gate this morning.

ZenGardener Thu 12-Sep-13 08:08:01

I'm confused. Did she ask you to order it from the shop for her? And now she is refusing to take it? Or is it a spare set you have ordered for your son and decided you could manage without?

I can't tell from your OP.

lollylaughs Thu 12-Sep-13 08:08:11

Why did you have a complete extra set?

If it fits your dc just accept it back and let him wear it.

Don't offer her anything again.

CaptainSweatPants Thu 12-Sep-13 08:09:56

It's a non issue

It doesn't fit so she's giving it back

Not cheeky at all

HeySoulSister Thu 12-Sep-13 08:10:40

Set? So it's a jumper?

lollylaughs Thu 12-Sep-13 08:10:53

And what was the reason she didn't order her own child's in time? That is just strange - she has known the start of term date for a long time. What would her child have worn if it wasn't for your offer?

Wheresmycaffeinedrip Thu 12-Sep-13 08:12:45

People have different definitions of what fits. She says it doesn't want it.

Just take it back and use for your Ds

ohforfoxsake Thu 12-Sep-13 08:13:20

Depends in how much it was and If you can do without the money.

I'd reply by saying 'Its no good to me now you've shrunk it and I won't be able to get a refund if I return it.'

You could try taking it back - the shop may refund you as it's shrunk, or you could exchange it for a larger size for next year.

I think she's a cheeky cow. It's her responsibility to repay you.

LIZS Thu 12-Sep-13 08:13:54

So it had already been washed before her dc wore it ? Text back and say , you can only accept it back if it hasn't shrunk so that your dc can't wear it (check against the rest) but that you hadn't considered it being just a loan.

Tuppenceinred Thu 12-Sep-13 08:15:53

Yes it's bloody cheeky and I don't know why some here are giving you a hard time. You SOLD her this uniform to help her out and she hasn't paid.
As long as it's in good condition and you'll use it I'd take it back straight away and use it, and make a mental note to be a bit careful with her in the future. If you won't use it then maybe speak to her (not text) and remind her that it was sold to her. Depends how much aggro you can be bothered with.
But yes, she's a cheeky cow and knows it.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Thu 12-Sep-13 08:17:32

As you said your child is a bit bigger than her child, presumably the uniform will be too small for your child and therefore useless to you?

If I could afford to write it off, I would.

If I couldn't, I would pull her up on it and say that you weren't lending her the uniform, it was agreed that she should pay for it and therefore you would still like paying for it and she can then do what she wants with it.

I would, in either case, not offer any assistance to her again.

SoupDragon Thu 12-Sep-13 08:18:01

If it has shrunk, complain to the supplier.

SoupDragon Thu 12-Sep-13 08:18:48

Why did you have a complete extra set?

Do you only have a single set of school uniform? confused

ExitPursuedByADragon Thu 12-Sep-13 08:21:55

Cheek. As she has washed it that implies ownership so she should pay up. And check how she washes stuff!

marriedinwhiteisback Thu 12-Sep-13 08:23:13

Just take it back and write it off to experience.

Jaynebxl Thu 12-Sep-13 08:26:27

It needs to go back to the shop, whether it is you or her who takes it. It hasn't survived a week so it isn't fit for purpose.

elcranko Thu 12-Sep-13 08:27:37

If you could take it back and exchange it for a bigger size despite it being washed then do that - you'll have a bigger uniform for when your own DS outgrows his.

If it can't be taken back then it is useless to you and the other mum should pay you for it IMO.

MoistJoist Thu 12-Sep-13 08:31:26

The set consists of a jumper, shirt and fleece (everything else i.e. trousers, socks etc can be generic). I had ordered 3 sets from the (school-approved) national supplier a few weeks back.

Her DC came over for a playdate and the mum said she had been unable to locate the web page where the uniform could be purchased (easily done as our area can be described as being part of Greater London or (incorrectly) a neighbouring county - the uniform was listed under the latter). I showed her the webpage and said that orders were usually delivered within 10 days, so it was unlikely her DC would get it before the start of term, but that as I had ordered 3 sets, she could have one, and I would order another (as I would already have 2 other sets, I could manage with these for the 10 days it would take for delivery). She said that it was very generous of me and she would drop the money round over the weekend.

This isn't a case of crossed wires - she clearly said that she would drop round the money for it over the weekend. When she didn't, I assumed that she was busy and would drop it off another time (easy to do as her DC started school on Monday and my house is right across the road from the school).

I haven't seen the uniform since it was given to her. As she said it was tight after she washed and dried it (whereas my sets, which I have also washed, are not), I suspect she may have washed it at a slightly higher temperature or more intensive wash. That, or we could both very well have different perceptions as to what is "tight". Either way, I can't find out if DS can use it unless I accept it back and put it on him, following which if it has shrunk or is tight, I can't very well then call her and say she has to pay me for it as DS can't use it (well, I could, but I would consider that as "cheeky" as her text to me ...)

It looks like I shall just have to suck it up and take it back.

StupidFlanders Thu 12-Sep-13 08:31:30

I'm confused by some replies.

If I didn't have a uniform for my dc (weird) and someone offered to help me by selling me theirs, I would buy it. Which would mean it was mine.

She has washed it and dried it. No shop would take it back (if it did really shrink she washed it wrong). She could try asking the supplier.

Editededition Thu 12-Sep-13 08:32:20

I would text back and say you are slightly confused by her message, and if she saying that the uniform has been shrunk in the wash and won't now fit your own DC

If the answer to that is yes, then I think the reply needs to be that she will need to replace it.
Unless you are actually happy to write off the money?
Shops don't replace clothes which have been shrunk by poor washing.

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