..to think that you shouldn't moan about DH's short paternity leave if you're spending £800 on a bleedin' pram?

[QueenArseClangers]

On another parent oriented website the Mum's Due board that I lurk on seems to be full of women who are upset about their DH's not having much leave when baby is here and themselves worried about not being able to take as much mat leave due to finances. These ladies are the same ones who seem to be bragging about splashing out on 'essentials' like prams that are a best part of a grand, nursery furniture that costs more than my car and all sorts of overpriced shite.
I'm on baby number 5 and, fair enough, have a carseat, some clothes and a second hand bedside cot (not to mention my trusty norks) and do see the desire to get nice shiny new things for baby.
Surely though, £3000+? That could provide for DH/Mum to have a few extra weeks off with enough to pay for baby bits? Or even postnatal Doula support/meals on wheels/Lactation consultant support?
Gah!

[LadyStark]

DH being off isn't dependent on money, it's about company leave and statutory allowance.

YABU

[absentmindeddooooodles]

What mrswolowitz said.

Maybe tje fathers also are not allowed more time off work for paternity?? I know my dp wasnt regardless of finances etc.

Also mayne people want ro buy the best thwy can for their babies.....and as a first time mum I honestly thought the pricier options were better with safety ratings, comfort etc. I expect this is the case with a few people too.

Regardless if you spend 100 or 1000 on a pram etc, money can still be tight afterwards and people have the right to voice their worries on this.

[HowToChangeThis]

Time and money aren't equivalent. I'd have loved DH to stay home for longer on unpaid leve after my c section. I had a newborn and an 18 month old. I had an £800 too, a Bugaboo Donkey cos its the only rear facing double. His employer needed him back at work, due to commuting I was on my own for 13 hour days in a lot of pain, I had a cleaner but what I needed was a cuddle.

[absentmindeddooooodles]

Please excuse horrendous typos and spelling. On my crappy phone!

[Abra1d]

I don't understand the connection between the paternity leave and being able to afford the pram?

[Beamur]

YANBU
It's about priorities. If you're taking less maternity leave because of concerns about money, then it makes no sense to spend so much money on items such as prams and nursery furniture. But many people get sucked into this and think things are 'essential' when in reality, they might be nice to have, but you'd manage without.

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

Yabu.

I have a Bugaboo Bee kindly bought by my in laws. DH didn't get paternity leave as he was inbetween jobs so took time unpaid.

I think you are making a lot of assumptions.

[Aquadent]

YABU. My husbsnd's company couldn't spare him at any price. He had 2 weeks off and they refused to let him take annual leave on top of that.

[Famzilla]

DP couldn't take a single days PL as he is self employed and we couldn't afford it so I'm inclined to get abit cats bum face when I hear/see women being all woe is me about "only 2 weeks" PL or boasting about their fucking bugaboos.

However, I think if you aren't self employed you can only take 2 weeks PL right? It must be horrible if you can afford to take more but your employer won't physically let you. I can imagine that can be quite heartbreaking for a new father, feeling that your boss is literally pulling you away from your family. At least we had a choice.

[Pinkponiesrock]

My DH is a farmer and he didn't take a week off over all 3 of mine never mind 2 weeks for each! He also doesn't get holidays, weekends or anything so I'm inclined to ignore people when they tell me how hard it is 'only having 2 weeks paternity leave'.

[LadyFlumpalot]

A woman at my baby group made a snipe at me when DS was little. She basically said to me exactly what you said in your OP.

I have an iCandy Apple (£40 on eBay as was broken - DH fixed it).
Mama and Papa's furniture (donated by my dad and stepmum).
A decent car (bought with a small inheritance).

[Pigsmummy]

In most cases paternity leave duration had nothing to do with money. YABU and very judgemental.

[racmun]

My dh has just told me that despite saving 2 weeks holiday to take off when dc2 is born he won't be able to have more than a couple of days! Let alone paternity leave and holiday.

Yes I have a nice £800 pram etc etc but I'm still pissed off at the situation.

It's not as simple as saying you have an £800 pram put up and shut up you can still have feelings.

[zatyaballerina]

A good pram can last through a few children, invest now, save later. yabu.

[slightlysoupstained]

Horrified by these employers, what century are they in FGS?

OTOH was talking to a Finnish (I think) guy the other day who was terribly sympathetic when I told him UK leave was a year, split between parents. He thought it was so short, 3 years much better. Apparently he's planning on taking 8 months for the next kid.

[MammaTJ]

YABU. Why aren't you telling them on that board, rather than coming on here to moan about them?

[QueenArseClangers]

Yes, I am being judgmental.
Fair enough about limitations being put on PL, I suppose I was talking about these same ladies on the 'other' site's mum's club saying in one breath that they could only afford a certain amount of time off work and obviously being upset about this then in their next post they're squealing over their baby tank and matching gold-plated bottle warmer!
It just seems a bit illogical. I partially blame the manufacturers/shops that push these 'essentials' with a good dose of hormone laced 'buy this product or yoi don't love yer baby' when best for baby should really mean that that cash is spent on caring for new parents and supporting their transition to parenthood.

[wigglesrock]

YABU & worthy. I don't get the link. My husband took very very little time off for one of our kids and less than a week's annual leave for the 3rd. Mainly due to the nature of his work.

Oh and where I am, the grannys usually help out buying the pram.

[QueenArseClangers]

Yes, £800 prams can last through a few children but surely an extra week/someone helping you to establish breastfeeding/ a big fuck off bottle of gin for mum should have more of an immediate priority than some wheels that 'could' be used for a possible non-existant child. On that note though, a decent sling, a maclaren £100 pushchair etc. have lasted parents through many babies.
If people want to save/plan/invest in these huge expenses then that's fine. Just don't understamd the lack of joined up thinking that leads them to complain about cutting back on things that will directly benefit baby.

[dandydorset]

i know what your saying op YANBU,if it's moaning about her dh not being able to afford time of but she can afford a bloomin status symbol buggy

if ive read correct

[wigglesrock]

There's a touch of the Jamie Oliver's about you. It's brilliant that you have managed to reuse all your stuff. Some people don't want to and being adults they get to choose what they spend their money on and people are also allowed to complain about whatever they want.

Have to say I think it's very rude of you to lurk on a site no matter which site it is then start a thread here bemoaning peoples choices.

[Jolleigh]

Maybe some people just have different priorities to yours or DHs with jobs that they're genuinly needed at, Judgy McJudgerson? YABU

[Mumoftwoyoungkids]

You can also take 4 weeks (unpaid) parental leave. When ds was born in May dh tacked his parental leave onto his paternity leave so had the full 6 weeks off.

I think by law you have to give particular dates to have it (dh's employers were kind enough to let him have it all as one block). But obviously you could give a date 4 weeks after your due date to start it and then be likely that the dh will have 6 out of the first 11 weeks of baby's life off depending on whether they arrive at 37 weeks or 42 weeks.

It was wonderful having dh at home for the first 6 weeks of Ds's life. Particularly for dd as she didn't feel the "loss" of my attention the way she would had I been on my own with both of them from early on.

It obviously did cost us and we are lucky that we could afford it but it is probably the best money I have spent. In the end 3 weeks before DS's birth my grandmother died and left me almost the exact sum that dh's lost wages were so we are using that money to pay for it rather than taking it out of my savings. My relationship with my gran was not great (long story but had MN existed 30 years ago then my mum would be on the stately homes thread) so I like the fact that her money paid for this lovely time. It gives me something positive to remember about her.

[Mumoftwoyoungkids]

Hmmm "my savings" - not sure why I called them that - we have had completely joint money for over a decade!