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to be a bit miffed at their ready acceptance of this new relationship?

(95 Posts)
Liltzero Wed 11-Sep-13 09:07:53

For many years 3 couples and their children holidayed each year in Scotland. This year's holiday was cancelled because my STBXH and one of the other wives decided that they were in love and started a relationship (awkward!).

So now 2 divorces are proceeding, homes have been divided and sold and 4 children are getting used to the idea that their Mums and Dads are separated.

I discover yesterday evening that STBXH and new girlfriend are planning another holiday in Scotland with their respective children. Fair enough - but what got me annoyed was that couple number 3 are joining them!

AIBU to think that couple no. 3s ready acceptance of this relationship is disrespectful of both me and the dumped husband? They know about the considerable distress the breakdown of our marriages has caused us.

auntmargaret Wed 11-Sep-13 09:12:34

Whose friend was couple No 3 originally, yours or your STBXH?

Hegsy Wed 11-Sep-13 09:12:49

YANBU, I wouldn't be happy if it was me and certainly I have all but cut my 'dads' family out of my life after their ready acceptance of his 'fiance' who he left my mum for, the 'fiance' who is a year younger than me! Ok there were lots of other compounding factors but that was the straw as they say.

mmmm maybe I'm not the best person to answer this but I think I would feel really betrayed by this, but maybe they want to be friends with everyone and felt put in an awkward position?

kiriwawa Wed 11-Sep-13 09:13:01

Ooh tricky. I can understand your upset - must feel like a horrible betrayal sad

However, it seems a bit mean that the kids can't go on holiday with their friends because some of their parents have behaved badly.

FitzgeraldProtagonist Wed 11-Sep-13 09:15:03

Not really. I think they have accepted it as a relationship with future, which for that upheaval, you'd hope it might me. Are trying to maintain their friendships in difficult circs and keep the regular holiday for their family. Seems like they are moving forward. I can see why that might grate.

Tasteless, but what was the other husband like? Just thinking...

Crowler Wed 11-Sep-13 09:15:17

That's fucked up.

Can we know more about who was friends with whom first?

CremeEggThief Wed 11-Sep-13 09:15:53

YANBU. Couple no.3 don't come across as very loyal.
thanks for you.

FeliciaDoolittle Wed 11-Sep-13 09:17:05

I'm afraid it's in this kind of situation you find out who your real friend are. Sadly, couple number 3 look as if they're on the wrong side of that line.

I'd be utterly pissed at them. YADNBU.

They may well feel awkward and want to try to keep friendships with all of you. How you deal with that depends on how much you value their friendship.

Ezio Wed 11-Sep-13 09:17:11

Thats shitty, and i mean real shitty.

Ezio Wed 11-Sep-13 09:17:43

But atleast you know now, they were never your friends.

WaitingForMe Wed 11-Sep-13 09:20:48

I think it's nice. It's what is unquestionably best for all of the children involved.

AnaisB Wed 11-Sep-13 09:21:24

Yanbu to feel miffed, but i don't think couple 3 have done anything wrong either.

Liltzero Wed 11-Sep-13 09:27:37

Wife of couple no. 3 was more matey with the OW, so I do understand and am completely cool about her maintaining that friendship.

I think if it was me and the situation was reversed I would have left it another year before continuing the tradition of the Scotland holiday.

freddiefrog Wed 11-Sep-13 09:30:20

YANBU to be upset, but I don't think couple 3 have done anything wrong really

We're currently caught in the cross-fire of some very close friends' very acrimonious divorce.

They are both our friends, we've only ever known them as a couple and we don't want to take sides, so it's very awkward and I don't really know what to do for the best at the moment.

HangingGardenofBabbysBum Wed 11-Sep-13 09:37:50

I think it's nice. It's what is unquestionably best for all of the children involved.

This. Absolutely.

It's got to be about the children and continuity of any kind to normalise things as soon as possible for them. You need to hide your hurt feelings and see that this not as a personal betrayal bit a way for the children to have a great time with familiar faces.

BillyGoatintheBuff Wed 11-Sep-13 09:39:35

Oh cripes! Yes I'd be proper miffed at couple number 3!! Massively confusing for their kids surely, although of course maybe not if they are old enough to understand it all. I would be proper pissed right off with it all.

SaucyJack Wed 11-Sep-13 09:44:22


If it was for 'the sake of the children' then they should've booked it with you and the other husband and your respective kids.

Crowler Wed 11-Sep-13 09:49:52

Sorry, but putting myself in the shoes of wife/couple 3, I would care about my friend's kids but I would certainly prioritize my friend above their child because I would assume the parents were doing their job and sorting the kids out.

Bonsoir Wed 11-Sep-13 09:53:38

I understand you are pissed off, OP, but I think you need to get used to it. The rearranging of friendships post-divorce does not fall into a nice tidy set of social rules.

MimiSunshine Wed 11-Sep-13 10:26:05

I don't think YABU to feel upset by this but I don't think couple 3 are BU to maintain the friendship or still go away with them.
H1 (your ex) and W2 are still their friends as hopefully so will you and H2 be.

It sucks though and if I was you I'd be feeling like it was completely unfair that they get to carry on as if nothing's happened and I'd be now left out of events and holidays I'd enjoyed.
BUT this holiday could well have been H1 and W2s idea in an attempt to make everything normal and cling on to couple 3 as if to say look everything's fine, it was all worth it

hardboiledpossum Wed 11-Sep-13 10:30:54

Goodness what an awful situation for you. I would be devastated, its rubbing salt in to the wound

YoureBeingADick Wed 11-Sep-13 10:36:00

as hard as this must be for you- cheaters/OM/OW are still allowed to have friends. they hurt you and of course no-one would expect you to remain friends with them but their other friends don't have to suddenly drop them if they still like them as people and enjoy their company. sorry, I know that wont make you feel any better.

squoosh Wed 11-Sep-13 10:40:38


I'm laughing at the idea that they are doing this to support the effected children.

They can do as they like of course, but they would no longer be friends of mine.

ArtOfficial Wed 11-Sep-13 10:41:53

I think that would be difficult for the children actually

Surely the absence of their own Mum and Dad will be very noticeable for them

Its all very sad really

squoosh Wed 11-Sep-13 10:44:42

Exactly artofficial, totally insensitive to the children. Same holiday, different parents. Not very reassuring at all!

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