To ask what you actually say when DH asks 'what do you do all day?'(68 Posts)
Have a 3.5 year old, 1.5 dogs and an 8 week old baby and he seems genuinely confused as to my daily activities (as he chomps his way through the totally miraculous home made fish pie...)
My ex used to ask. My DP doesn't. Mainly because my ex was convinced that I (like him) saw relationships as some kind of game where you try to get as much as possible out of the other person while putting as little as possible in yourself. DP (and me) is more of the opinion that relationships are about everybody putting in what they can and taking what they need, and so trusts me to put in as much as I can and if I did happen to sit on my arse all day then perhaps I needed to!
My DH isn't an arsehole. He wouldn't ask. Spend a couple if days not doing all you usually do and then he'll realise what you do.
If he asked, which he wouldn't I would either say that I have sat and stared at the walls all day, or that I was shagging the (very nice) window cleaner.
Mine has never asked. He sometimes asks me what my plans for the day are. I usually reply "Nothing" or "The usual".
He actually knows what I do as he works at home most days.
Interestingly I usually achieve more in the way of chores on days he is in the office as he's not there to distract me.
He's never asked, but if he did raising one eyebrow at him would have him scurrying out of the room.
DH asks this. Or he says, "you haven't done much today have you?"
He doesn't seem to include getting the kids ready, food prep, washing up or washing.
He has had the kids all day and he makes a point of doing the housework to show that it can be done. But, the DC sit in front of the tv or iPad most of the day.
I said yesterday that I was going to take it easy because I am 7 months pregnant and get bad pains in my bump if I walk a lot. His reply was, "you can still pick stuff up of the floor though".
It's a massive bone if contention between me and DH and always has been.
To answer your qu I try to justify my day, DH says what.i didn't do and then I tell him to fuck off and burst into tears.
Who are these husbands who leave lists for their wives? I'm dumbfounded.
Wtf?? With a toddler and 8 wo baby!! Never mind the dog.
And you managed to make fish pie!! How??
I suggest you feign some sort of communicable disease and insist he stays home to look after children and dog. Lock bedroom or bathroom door. Reappear at 6pm and ask for your fish pie.
He will be begging for mercy by lunchtime. Don't give in. Or better sti have urgent all day hospital appointment and don't come home till dinner time.
I realise you have a new baby and probably BF or don't want to be parted from LO. But this would make him see the error of his ways.
If it comforts my DH was like that until my youngest was about 1 yo and I went down with a migraine so bad the GP visiting thought it was a stroke and I was blue lighted to hospital and stayed in for 24 hrs.
DH didn't even have to look after a dog or cook. Just look after a 3 yo and 1 yo.
He certainly doesn't ask. Sadly he doesn't actually help much more either but at least he doesn't ask!
I once overheard DH talking with a (male) neighbour about the jobs he did. It made him sound like Mary Poppins, when in actual fact, the jobs he does don't take very long at all. The neighbour asked him, if he does 'all that' what did I do? OH didn't really say very much so I thought, OK, he's feeling put upon, I shall prove to him that I do my share and more.
I went away for a week, on my own, and left him to it. With a list of what needed doing every day, which covered three sides of A4 paper. He got it, he really did, as it took him hours to get through what I do every day.
I always split home and work with DH, we work together, so what ever one of us doing the other has to do the rest, there has never been anyway anyone could do either side badly.
So he was under no illusions as to what doing the children and running the house entails, he has had to juggle a babies, toddlers ,teenager, cooking,cleaning,doctor appointments,play dates after school activities, dog walking, and running the home office, as many times as I have.
If anyone is asking, then you should leave them to do it a few days a week, nothing like experience to give you some answers.
I remember DH asking in a bemused fashion when DS was 2 weeks old, feeding non stop and there was no discernible change in the state of the house because he'd gone back to work.
I burst into tears, said I'd had a shower, bought bread and spent the rest of the day feeding his son and if he was nice he wouldn't ask again. To his credit he never has.
But by the time you have a 2 DC, or even one who can walk/talk/cause chaos you'd think they'd know not to ask?!
My DH doesn't ask that.
"How was your day?" Yes, and I tell him how it takes me an age to hoover as the toddler LOVES the hoover and insists on sitting on the bit of floor I am trying to hoover. The. Entire. Time.
He got the idea when he did it one day on his days off.
hahaha He does the hoovering now when I go to town with the toddler on his days off.
Blimey OP, you manage to cook home made food with an 8 week old and a toddler?? I told DH I'd take over the cooking while I was on mat leave. I think I ended up cooking about 3 times in 6 months! That was only with one easy baby to look after. Your DH really does have no idea does he!
Ha ha, Tidydancer, that's exactly the conversation that happens in my house on a bad day.
H has often been left in charge of everything. I've been away on training courses for days at a time and he's held the fort. I come home to the house in a similar state to how I leave (maybe a bit worse) but he still doesn't let up in his criticism. He just thinks that because I am a woman it is my job and quote 'I am better at it'
except he knows better . I work part time now and he is still the same asking what I have done all day.
My DH often works away for a week or 10 days at a time, he works hard and comes home knackered, he knows how hard it is with 3 DC's, I feel like a prisoner when he is away because there is no let up, and I can't even go out with the dog in the evenings, exercise class etc He knows how it is but when he's moaning that he hasn't finished work until 7pm I feel like shouting at him as often older DD is still asking questions about homework at 9pm and don't often sit down before 9.30/10!
I am assuming your DH wasn't asking in a 'How was your day?' kind of way and more 'Have you been sat on your arse all day?' way...
If my DH asked me that when I was a SAHM, he'd have been wearing his testicles as earrings! Seriously, OP, I think your DH needs a short sharp lesson - if you ff the youngest (or express some bm if baby will take expressed milk) I'd suggest buggering off for the day and leaving your DH to it - I can pretty much guarantee he will never ask the question again!
My DH has never asked me that - and he has often come home to an utter pit!
I think I would organise a few days away for myself so he could learn exactly what I do...
He wouldn't ask, he knows what I do all day as he looks after DS when I work.
Although once, I do remember having a lazy day and I said I was tired at about 6-7pm, and he said (jokingly) "why?! you haven't done anything!" so I just replied "well, no, after my other boyfriend came over and we spent the day having rampant sex everywhere, I was just too tired to do housework". He never asked again!
DP would never dare ask me. We don't have kids but I only work part-time (lack of jobs in our area, not through choice) so I am home four days a week. But, I do all the chores, go shopping if it's needed, clean, vacuum, and sort out dinner. Even if one day I haven't done anything and have just made the bed and stayed in my pajamas, he would never dare complain or moan about it.
Dacky DP does the time thing! He once tried to tell me it would take 2 mins to peg the washing out. He retracted it after I left him to peg it out with the assistance of peg obsessed DD. I took him 20 mins but that did include time to knock next door and ask for the pegs back which DD had posted through the fence while he wasn't looking
I get lists of things to do. Because (quote) I 'can manage my time better'. He also forgets how long things take. Running a Hoover round? 15mins. 4 bed semi. Riiiiiight. Drop to post office? Must be around 20? No that would be 20 mins prep for two dcs. 15 min drive. 10 min park/walk. 30-1hr queue. Walk back. Drive back. Unload. Home say 1.5hrs later if lucky or if I don't get "whilst your out can u do x....' Text too.
I tell him I lie on the sofa reading while little fairies shop, cook, tidy, run errands, provide instant ready made perfect solutions to all our family's issues...
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