To be upset for DS

[impatienttobemummy]

DS is 23 months. Picked him up from nursery to be told he'd had an off day. From one look I could clearly see he wasn't well start of a cold. One of the nursery staff said he hadn't been himself all day not really laughing or wanting to join in.
Then she told me that at lunch and dinner time he refused to say thank you and instead cried his eyes out when they asked him to. So a colleague of the nursery nurse I was speaking to refused to let DS have dessert by taking it away from him replacing it with fruit which he didn't eat as was upset.
AIBU to think he's 1 a bit young for this dicipline and I'd have made allowances considering he was feeling poorly.
We have had some issues with tantrums at home which I've told nursery about. The colleague apparently said tell mum we have seen 'the real DS today'?!
I'm worried about him being there now!
Btw I'm pregnant so bit hormonal so am looking for rational advice! Thanks

[PeacockPlumage]

Poor thing, and poor you. Have you had concerns before? Is the nursery manager approachable?

[Forgetfulmog]

My dd isn't yet 1 so I don't have your experiences but I've already started disciplining her (not punishing obviously) but letting her know that certain behaviour is unacceptable. Sorry but I think YABU

[impatienttobemummy]

About this member of staff yes. She is the assistant manager, the owner is approachable, do you think it was a bit heavy handed?

[impatienttobemummy]

Thanks forgetful, I worried I am bu as I also do dicipline but its the fact they did it dispite him clearly not being himself... He always says thankyou usually

[Platinumstart]

Do I think it is heavy handed to punish an obviously distressed and poorly one year old by removing food? Bloody right I do!

I would be furious in your position and very concerned that when it became apparent that he was unwell that they didn't call you to collect him.

[Forgetfulmog]

Sorry, skim read & missed the bit about him not being himself. Was he poorly then? If so then YANBU & allowances should have been made. Apologies for that

[Mama1980]

I would be furious in your position.

[impatienttobemummy]

Thank you, I was a bit shocked at the time, then last night it really played on my mind. The message relayed to be about 'the real DS' worried me as I told them about tantrums to be helpful not so that it would be used against him. Ill speak to the owner

[Fairyegg]

I would mainly be annoyed that they are using fruit as a punishment. Fruit should be encouraged to viewed as a treat IMO. I would certainly bring it up with the nursery.

[cashmiriana]

It's very bad practice to use food as either punishment or reward in a childcare setting. I would be complaining about this.

[Cuddlydragon]

YANBU. I would be upset for my DS being punished for feeling below par. I'd have a word tbh.

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

YANBU. I'd be upset about the seeing the real DS comment. And I agree that fruit should not be used as a punishment, you want them to be encouraged to eat it! I'd be speaking to them.

[Noteveryday]

Hmm I would expect my 2 year old to say thank you - but I would have handled it in a softer way e.g. when he cried, cuddling him then still making him say thank you or do the sign for thank you or say please can I have my dessert? Rather than swopping it. YY to bad practice using food as punishment.

[Noteveryday]

The seeing the 'real DS' comment - most children are extra well behaved when they start a new setting then, after settling in, relax in to their usual behaviours (e.g bit of boundary testing) so this may not be as bad as it sounds.

[Onebuddhaisnotenough]

Yanbu for all the reasons already mentioned.

[BigW]

If anything, I am quite strict. But I would have been cross. If a child is poorly, they should be looked after. Also, I don't think withholding food is an appropriate or effective form of punishment.

[Fairylea]

I would be furious.

They should have realised he was unwell and made extra efforts to comfort him, not upset him further.

[Nanny0gg]

Much as I like good manners, I would not expect an under-two to always say their Pleases and Thank-yous, even though it should be encouraged.

And withholding food as a 'punishment' is not on. I'd also ask to have a look at the nursery's discipline policy. They sound more than a little heavy-handed to me, irrespective of whether or not your DC was 100%.

[wonderingsoul]

sorry but am i the only one who wouldnt punish a 1 year old for not saying thank you?

and to take his dessert away is plain nasty tbf.

[mercibucket]

fruit as a punishment!!!

[pianodoodle]

DD is 26 months and does say please and thank you but if she's having a poorly day and crying because of it I'm not going to sit there and say "say thank you" over and over as it would wind her up even more.

I think you need to weigh up situations without being so rigid - sometimes it just isn't worth a battle if there's something more pressing and if the child is pre-occupied and feeling out of sorts it isn't the right time to have a whole barney because they didn't say thank you :(

At this age anyway - i'd be peeved too.

[zoobaby]

Agree with all the comments about using food as a punishment. Fruit is for enjoyment you mean ol' wench. Also, do they get a dessert every day? What's with that?

[BuntyPenfold]

I would be complaining in the strongest terms.

Removing food as a punishment? Atrocious.

The staff concerned need disciplining and training.