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was i right to tell my ds not to apologise to this woman??

(579 Posts)
mummyjs Mon 09-Sep-13 21:22:52

my ds (4) and i were in the chemist waiting for a prescription.
my ds was stood by the door pressing the button to open it for people to come in and out and smiling at them and chatting away, people were saying than you and he was smiling and saying your welcome ect.
Anyway this older lady came in and he opened the door for him and she gave him a horrible look and barged past him. He said to her 'its nice to say thank you', which is something i drill into him so i suppose its my fault in a way. anyway she shouted at him 'how dare you speak to a adult that way' and then told me that i should control him and make him say sorry to her.
I have to admit my back was put up by the nasty tone in her voice and told her that i would not tell him to apologise, he was right, its rude not to say thank you and that a woman of her age should not need a lesson in manners from a 4 year old.
anyway she barged back out saying something along the lines of parents who dont control their kids ect.
was i being unreasonable? if he had of said anything rude to her then of course i would have made him say sorry, but i honestly dont think he was the rude one in this??

wonderingsoul Mon 09-Sep-13 21:24:51

ynbu. hes 4, she an old bitter w oman. it takes nothing for her her to say thank you, even if she was in a bad mood.

i would have said the same.

Sirzy Mon 09-Sep-13 21:26:19

He shouldn't have said it but at the same time I certainly wouldn't be making him apologise.

I would explain nicely later to him that certain things we don't say to strangers even though we know its true!

Floggingmolly Mon 09-Sep-13 21:26:43

He was a cheeky little git! shock
A woman of her age certainly didn't get a lesson in manners from your four year old. You were extremely rude yourself.

TokenGirl1 Mon 09-Sep-13 21:27:13

YANBU. I would be the same and would not make my little one apologise. She's just showed him how rude some people can be.

Nasty/rude old people were once nasty/rude young people.

Nanny0gg Mon 09-Sep-13 21:28:05

If someone of whatever age does something for you, it is polite to thank them.

I think it would have been better if your DS hadn't said anything (though I understand he was just repeating what he had learned), but she was obnoxious.

You'll just have to explain to him that unfortunately, not everyone is as polite and helpful as he is.

soverylucky Mon 09-Sep-13 21:28:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoozyBear Mon 09-Sep-13 21:28:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentProvocateur Mon 09-Sep-13 21:28:34

Both as rude as each other, but she should have known better.

Bearbehind Mon 09-Sep-13 21:29:27

That is pretty rude from a four year old.

I'm sure she would have expected to open the door herself, so why should she thank your little angel for something she didn't ask him to do.

Precocious children do not generally endear themselves to others.

KirjavaTheCat Mon 09-Sep-13 21:29:31

I'd tell my child off if he spoke to someone like that actually.

You don't do favours for people for the reward, you do it to be nice, it's not polite to demand a thank you imo.

SaucyJack Mon 09-Sep-13 21:29:37

He was quite cheeky, but she was rude in response.

However, she was perfectly within her rights to ignore your son in the first place. People are entitled to go about our daily business without being forced to stop over other people's kids and their attention seeking games.

echt Mon 09-Sep-13 21:29:50

She was daft to have demanded the apology.

You need to get your son out of instructing people in manners. Unless he has a future in charity chugger passive-aggressive " have a nice day!!" to those who choose not to give.

HavantGuard Mon 09-Sep-13 21:29:59

She wan't pleasant and your DS did nothing wrong. I don't think it's a great idea to let your DS play doorman in a chemists. People are there because they're ill, often in pain, and aren't always going to be in the mood for humouring children.

StanleyLambchop Mon 09-Sep-13 21:30:15

I don't think he was being cheeky. It is nice to say thank you, and she obviously did not like being reminded of that.

I don't agree with this idea that young people have to put up with older people being rude to them but they can't say something back because of 'respect for elders'. If elders can't behave they don't deserve any respect. YANBU.

cooeeyonlyme Mon 09-Sep-13 21:30:32

I don't think your Dc was being rude at all.
Some elderly people demand respect without giving it back. I get it all the time working in a shop.

Good for your Dc shaming her.

Hassled Mon 09-Sep-13 21:30:51

Yeah - she sounds really horrible, but if a random small child ticked me off for not thanking him for something I hadn't asked him to do, my hackles would rise.

When it's your own child it's cute and endearing - someone else's child, not so much.

YouTheCat Mon 09-Sep-13 21:31:06

What he said was rude, but he's 4 and still learning.

What the miserable old bugger didn't say (thank you) was more rude as she should know better.

The thing is, your ds will learn not to comment (out loud) about others' rudeness. But that old cow will be a bad-mannered witch forever.

ToffeeCaramel Mon 09-Sep-13 21:31:18

Maybe the lady didn't realised he had pressed a button to open it and thought it had opened automatically. It was a little rude to say "It's nice to say thank you," although understandable at age 4. So I can understand her being a bit defensive, although it sounds like she went OTT.

echt Mon 09-Sep-13 21:31:37

And while I'm here, less of the "bitter old woman", wonderingsoul.

hettienne Mon 09-Sep-13 21:31:43

I wouldn't have made him apologise. It might have come across as cheeky, but he didn't mean it to be - children of that age, once they know the rules, want everyone to follow them!

You were quite rude though. I would have just laughed it off and said something like "oh, it's just important to little children that people say thank you".

SunshineMMum Mon 09-Sep-13 21:31:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti Mon 09-Sep-13 21:31:51

hmm at 'old bitter woman'.

I think she was rude, but obviously if you're in the chemist, you must know people might be coming in because they're in pain or have had bad health news, so I'd cut a little slack.

I don't think he was deliberately rude and most people surely would realize that a child his age is might just be repeating something innocently. But don't we all learn to apologise sometimes for things we did innocently?

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Mon 09-Sep-13 21:31:59

I would have done one of those really hideous passive aggressive apologies

'I'm sorry my son made you feel offended when he reminded you to say thank you'

I know he shouldn't have said it but really, her reaction was really irritating!

HavantGuard Mon 09-Sep-13 21:32:18

'Cow' and 'witch' hmm

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