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To have told DP mum?

(28 Posts)
HeyUGuys Sat 07-Sep-13 20:45:19

My DP got hit by a car today and was taken to hospital with head/neck injuries.
He and inlaws fell out a while ago and havent spoken since, i have a good relationship with MIL and take dc to see her every week.
DP is on his own at hospital as i am at home with dc, i rang his parents as i thought they should know, they have left to go to hospital, did i do the right thing or should i have left it alone?

kmc1111 Sun 08-Sep-13 09:20:53

I think YABVU and I think his parents were U for going to the hospital. I would absolutely hate it if DH did that to me, it's not even remotely his place to make that decision, and for my estranged parents to come and force themselves on me when I'm incapacitated and unable to get the hell away from them would be a huge violation.

diddl Sun 08-Sep-13 08:54:46

This may have made him resume contact anyway.

Perhaps it was OK for you to tell them-but maybe they shouldn't have assumed that he would want them to visit & should have waited to be asked?

bearleftmonkeyright Sun 08-Sep-13 08:34:25


bearleftmonkeyright Sun 08-Sep-13 08:29:16

My dp had a similar situation with his parents which I did not understand. It took his mum to phone and tell him his dad had cancer and not long to live. We had also had another baby. IMO you did absolutely the right thing. These kind of situations can fester on and on. They both need to forgive and let Ho.

FredFredGeorge Sun 08-Sep-13 08:20:35

If he was unconscious, and the estrangement was genuinely silly - and likely to have been resolved at some point - then YWNBU to tell his family. However with him fully conscious and able to be asked what he wanted you were very unreasonable to tell them without his agreement.

Glad he's okay, and glad he's not too annoyed and understands though.

pudcat Sun 08-Sep-13 07:54:39

I think you did the right thing. If I had had a silly quarrel with my son and he had an accident resulting in head injuries I would want to know. Just imagine how his parents would have felt if he had died and they did not know. If that was me I would never be able to live with myself.

elcranko Sun 08-Sep-13 07:53:40

Hopefully this will be what gets them speaking again, as PP said- life's too short.

I'd probably have told them too but I'd have told them and asked them to watch the dc so I could go up to the hospital myself and promised to keep them informed.

Glad your DP is ok smile

phantomnamechanger Sun 08-Sep-13 07:48:51

Glad your DP is OK and yes I think you did the right thing.

This is why I do not get petty rows and grudges among close family.

How would either side feel if one party was suddenly killed in an accident? Too late then to apologise and make amends.

Seriously, life is far too short to be holding onto grudges, and not speaking to people is pathetic. Tell the lot of them to grow up!

HeyUGuys Sun 08-Sep-13 07:42:00

He's home now, and luckily he's ok.

I didnt get to speak to him, the hospital rang me at his request as his phone had got broken.

He wasn't angry, but he wasn't pleased although he said he understood why i told them, and said he would have done the same if he was in my position. Plus he got a lift back so maybe they'll manage to be civil now?

diddl Sat 07-Sep-13 21:17:59

Could you not have asked him first?

Have you & the children managed to see him?

Depending on how he feels, he might rather have no one there.

hashtagwhatever Sat 07-Sep-13 21:16:54

I'd have got them to watch dc whilst I went to the hospital.

HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 07-Sep-13 21:15:25

Sorry I think yabu. My dh has gone through periods where he has not been talking to his parents and he wouldn't have appreciated this at all. Hindsight is a beautiful thing but it would have been better for them to look after the dc. I hope it doesn't stress him out too much.

Twinklestarstwinklestars Sat 07-Sep-13 21:12:56

Yanbu to tell them but I would have got them to have the do not go to the hospital.

BrokenSunglasses Sat 07-Sep-13 21:11:10

You are this mans DP, so hopefully you have a good relationship that puts you in the best position to judge about what he would want.

It's slightly concerning that you say this i just hope he sees it the same way, i couldnt imagine one of my ds in hospital and not knowing. As his DP, you should be thinking about what he wants more than his mothers position in this. But if you think he would be glad that they are there, then you did the right thing.

I hope he is ok, and makes a quick recovery.

BoneyBackJefferson Sat 07-Sep-13 21:05:49

"and it was the only thing to do if you want to remain on friendly terms with them yourself."

But it is the OP's DP that is stuck in a bed unable to get away from people that he has (for whatever reason) stopped seeing.

YellowDinosaur Sat 07-Sep-13 21:03:54

I'm sorry but family do NOT have a right to know. Even if they are not estranged.

I can understand the op feeling stuck in the middle. But she should have told her dh she wanted to tell his parents because of the awkward position she was in. so he could at least have tools the hospital staff to not allow them in if he didn't want to see them.

squoosh Sat 07-Sep-13 21:01:03

It was definitely the right thing to do. His family had the right to know, and it was the only thing to do if you want to remain on friendly terms with them yourself.

BoneyBackJefferson Sat 07-Sep-13 20:59:43

What YellowDinosaur said.

HeyUGuys Sat 07-Sep-13 20:58:47

They fell out over something silly that neither will say sorry for, a camping trip ds1 was left out of when everyone else went, it was lack of communication. They had an arguement, refused to speak to one another an its just dragged on

HeyUGuys Sat 07-Sep-13 20:55:47

Jumping, i didnt even think of that! I was all nervous telling them that it didnt enter my head. Prob would have been the better idea!

YellowDinosaur Sat 07-Sep-13 20:55:23

Sorry but I actually think yabu. I can understand why you did it but it should be up to your dh if his parents know what has happened. Presumably something significant has happened for them not to be in contact? For them to turn up, when they are estranged, and he is probably immobilized and can't get away from them, is out of order.

JumpingJackSprat Sat 07-Sep-13 20:52:00

Cant they look after the kids while you went to the hospital? I hope he is ok. If he is scared/in pain he may not appreciate seeing his parents.

HeyUGuys Sat 07-Sep-13 20:51:55

I just let out a huge breath! Thank you all, i just hope he sees it the same way, i couldnt imagine one of my ds in hospital and not knowing.

squoosh Sat 07-Sep-13 20:48:08

Oh and hope he gets well soon OP!

squoosh Sat 07-Sep-13 20:47:41

Definitely the right thing to do. Absolutely.

If you hadn't I can't imagine you would have maintained such cordial relations with your MIL once she'd heard from another source.

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