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to think if this isn't an act of treason, it bloody well should be?

(66 Posts)
WestieMamma Fri 06-Sep-13 22:36:53

I don't live in the UK.

Recently a new cafe/restaurant has opened up near me. A British one! We decided to go there for a treat today. I ordered a Devonshire (hmm) cream tea and WestiePappa wanted fish'n'chips.

My cream tea came with Swedish tea (I think Lipton's collect used teabags in England, dry them and then resell them in Sweden), 2 nice looking scones, strawberry jam and ... wait for it ... SQUIRTY CREAM! That's right, bloody squirty cream. A complete abomination in Britain name.

The fish and chips involved French fries and what appeared to be a giant fish shaped budget fish finger. The forrin waiter tried to convince us that it wasn't what we were expecting because it was haddock and us being Brits are used to cod hmm. The British owner came out, realised immediately that this betrayal of her country was up, was very embarassed and gave us back our money.

Bring back hanging I say.

theolddragon01876 Fri 06-Sep-13 23:41:53

HI Im dragon and my DC's eat squirty cream blush

I have obviously failed as a mother,squirty cream is a "treat" ( Ive bought it twice in 8 years ) They all stand in the kitchen and squirt it straight into their mouth blush

They are actually forrin and influenced by their peers obviously but omg the shame

tries not to mention the GRAPE jelly/jam

Growlithe Fri 06-Sep-13 23:41:57

You can't be truly British if you complained. grin

MichaelBubleBath Fri 06-Sep-13 23:42:43

That's okay - i had 'Shepherd's pie' served cold, no gravy in or on it with a piece of cucumber and tomato...confused

70isaLimitNotaTarget Fri 06-Sep-13 23:45:30

I've just remembered something hideous from the 1970/early 80s (thanks for ressurecting this memory) grin

A tub, flat, beige with a lid.
Frozen.. Full of a creamy, whipped topping.
You scoop what you need like ice-cream.

<<can't remember the name and don't want to>>

FreudiansSlipper Fri 06-Sep-13 23:45:34

Shocked, appalled and outraged angry

If it was dream topping it would have been slightly better as that I think is an English delicacy

FredFredGeorge Sat 07-Sep-13 00:10:15

I've found clotted cream pretty difficult to get outside of the UK, but far from impossible. Substituting whipped double or something though would at least be a reasonable substitute if you really couldn't get it.

Ethnic restaurants don't have to be faithful to the original cuisine, adapting to local tastes is fine, so YABU though...

SomethingOnce Sat 07-Sep-13 00:15:52

Off with their heads!

Mrsdavidcaruso Sat 07-Sep-13 01:00:03

I had that in the UK on the Isle of Wight where I live, ordered a cream tea when it came the jam was in one of those plastic container thingies and it was FRENCH Jam.

I was livid actually demanded my money back. I am local but the place catered for a lot of tourists and if they cant even sell English jam then they are selling tourists short IMO.

Mind you have I also embarrass my DH in the local supermarket
if i cant find English Tomatoes or English cherries (when in season) and I have a right go at the fruit and veg manager

And don't get me started on the lack of British Bacon

Amy106 Sat 07-Sep-13 01:12:38

Where's the PG Tips monkey when you need him? smile

kmc1111 Sat 07-Sep-13 04:00:14

Ha, I end up with cream from a tin in the UK more often than not, and getting actual clotted cream instead of double whip is practically a miracle. And I don't eat fish but DC's and my friends often get what amounts to an over-sized fish finger plus shoestring fries when they order fish and chips. The place may actually be perfectly authentic if the goal was to replicate a shitty British cafe. I've always had much better luck with Devonshire tea in Australia.

AdoraBell Sat 07-Sep-13 04:04:43

I've had a cream tea in England that was served with squirty cream shock and angry, it's just not right.

daisychain01 Sat 07-Sep-13 06:01:48

I had the appauling experience of ordering a cappuchino and it arrived topped with that goddawful shaving foam squirty revolting cream on top. Vile stuff!

Was so incandescent with rage at that abomination, i sent it back and told them it was against the Trades Descriptions Act.

<hoiks up boobs like Les Dawson >

CharityFunDay Sat 07-Sep-13 06:06:51

I wonder what the OP's café is like on full English breakfasts? They probably serve it with frankfurters instead of sausages, the US abomination that is hash browns, and baked beans (which have no place at the breakfast table).

OP, you must try their FEB and report back.

StillNoFuckingEyeDeer Sat 07-Sep-13 06:22:09

I understand that squirty cream is acceptable in some contexts (squirting directly into mouth/onto body etc), but a cream tea is definitely not one of them.

Devon Cream Tea should have protected designation of origin status to prevent such abominations.

The thought of what they might have done to a full English breakfast or a pasty is also worrying me.

PseudoBadger Sat 07-Sep-13 06:23:32

Wow LegoDragon I've just seen where you live! I think I'm jealous but also in awe....

We've had squirty cream on Irish Coffee! And my worst squirty cream story is when DP bought some to put on pancakes a couple of months ago. He didn't realise it goes off (wtf?) and went to use it last week. It was green <boak> and smelt about as good as that fish grin

FeijoaVodkaLovesHokeyPokey Sat 07-Sep-13 06:27:18

You stop pretending a small hairy fruit is a small flightless bird and we'll stop the squirty cream subterfuge imports

CharityFunDay Sat 07-Sep-13 06:33:12

I still call them 'Chinese Gooseberries' (70s upbringing)

3birthdaybunnies Sat 07-Sep-13 06:35:00

Hot chocolate is an acceptable outlet for squirty cream, cream tea is definitely not. YANBU.

solveproblem Sat 07-Sep-13 06:37:59

I'm Swedish (living in England) and quite pleased to have escaped the herring!

But the clotted cream, don't you just whip the cream a bit longer til it turns butter like? (Don't flame me, this is not something I've attempted but always assumed to be the case.)

sashh Sat 07-Sep-13 06:43:11

NorksAreMessy LOL. I actually did LOL.

I have Twinings in the cupboard, is that acceptable? Can it be added to the food parcel?

pumpkinsweetie Sat 07-Sep-13 06:59:27

Yanbu, but yabu for making me crave scones, cream & jamgrin

FeijoaVodkaLovesHokeyPokey Sat 07-Sep-13 07:01:30

Solve clotted cream is clotted over hot water in a pan. At the end of the process the clots are lifted out with a big spoon and wedged into little containers ready for application to scones with jam.

If you beat cream until it is butter like, it is butter grin

winklewoman Sat 07-Sep-13 07:26:53

We always have a couple of cans of squirty cream in the house as the cat loves it. It's just known as cat cream here. He prefers the Lidl full fat one not the light. Fussy cat.

Charleymouse Sat 07-Sep-13 07:54:01

I will assess your unreasonableness if you tell me which order you would apply the ingredients to your scone.

I used to work in a pub that served hundreds of Irish coffees. To make it easier look nicer it was cream that was squirted. Not squirty cream. We had 4 litre cartons of fresh cream that we put in a soda dispenser, added a gas canister then squirted liberally. If it was this then it is still very wrong as not clotted cream. BUT if was Anchor squirty additive with sugar etc cream then yes, treason deffo.

daisychain01 Sat 07-Sep-13 08:36:45

Apparently cream teas are good in places like Tasmania and NZ where there are damn fine red blooded Brits who wouldnt be seen dead next to a can of squirty cream.

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