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To have smiled sweetly and said nothing to this school bully

(516 Posts)
DrinkFromMyFountain Thu 05-Sep-13 14:55:44

14 years ago I left school. There was one girl who made my life hell, said a load of nasty things about me and told me I would never amount to anything. She also said I'd end up single and Childless at 30 working in a shop. (NB I see nothing wrong with this, but it was meant in a horrible, nasty, put downy way). This was amongst various other things she said and did to try to make my life a misery.

This morning I took my car to the car wash and saw her working there washing cars.

I ordered my car wash for my naice car with my baby DS in the back and said "fancy seeing you here". She made a grimace of a face and carried on with her work.

Karma you beauty.

Pagwatch Sat 07-Sep-13 16:51:28

Whatever ones view on wishing ex bullies miserable there is surely a line? The 'she had years of facial surgery' comment is way, way over the line IMO.

LondonMother Sat 07-Sep-13 17:00:49

Not nice to feel smug about somebody who had surgery to correct a facial deformity or scars after an accident. Maybe a little more understandable if it was lots and lots of elective surgery to stop the ravages of time and eventually it went wrong, especially if the person concerned used to be mock others they felt to be less attractive than they were.

JennySense Sat 07-Sep-13 17:04:27

Some really interesting views on this thread.
A couple of years back I refused to go to a school reunion because a bully who assaulted me was one of the organisers. It was organised via Facebook and lots of people asked why I wasn't going and I told everyone why.
A friend who went said the bully was very embarrassed at my no show and said how she regretted her bullying.
Made her think apparently.

FCEK Sun 08-Sep-13 08:51:34

The girl in question thought it was ok to name call and physically assault a disabled person (me) so whilst i would be happy to accept the apologies if others, in her particular case I have no sympathy.

differentnameforthis Sun 08-Sep-13 11:10:30

Free, I am shocked that you think not one of those lads used her for their own selfish pleasure.

She may have wanted to have sex with them, but you cannot say that she wasn't used (unless you were there while they had sex) and you cannot say she wasn't raped/had sex she didn't want (same thing, right)

lottieandmia Sun 08-Sep-13 11:29:01

I'll admit that I find it hard to find forgiveness in my heart for some of the most nasty bullies I had to contend with. I had to move to another school because of them.

The thing is, although it would be nicer to think that all bullies have problems and they are the ones who need understanding, I don't think that that is always true. Some people are just not very nice and are incapable of reflecting on how their behaviour might affect others. Some of my bullies are clearly still the same people as they were at school tbh.

Pimpf Sun 08-Sep-13 12:04:11

And you can't say she didn't use them for her own selfish pleasure (shock horror girls like sex too). Equally you can't say that she was used, or that was raped or had sex when she didn't want to as you weren't there.

You weren't there, you weren't bullied by this girl, you didn't see what was going on, you aren't Free so you have no right to tell her how to react now as an adult.

You can have you're own opinion, you can say how you would deal with it but telling someone else that her reaction and her feelings are wrong and bad is disgusting and bordering on bullying.

TheLightPassenger Sun 08-Sep-13 13:01:56

some great posts on here, particularly by STDG. As someone badly affected by bullying I take a a middle road - I think many people bully as they enjoy the sense of power, rather than because they must have pitiably awful family lives, and I think it is possible and perfectly acceptable to move on without forgiveness. The one girl who at times behaved badly towards me who I know did have a difficult home life I completely forgive and bear no grudge to (but that is a very individual set of circumstances).I do feel uncomfortable at obesity/teen pregnancy/low status jobs being seen as a reason to gloat though.

SpecialAgentCuntSnake Sun 08-Sep-13 14:23:20

Anyone who is smug that their bully is a heroin addict or was pregnant at fourteen is far worse than the bully IMHO. angry

I wrote down at least seven times what I feel about posters who are that cruel and have children, then deleted. I'm not at their level.

I'll never forgive the bullies who physically attacked me. I'll never forget their girlfriends who made my life Hell for being the 'Slut Who Deserved It.'

I'll be on medication forever. All said bullies have gone on to live their lives and no, I Don't forgive them.

Doesn't mean I would be smug in those sort of circumstances. shock

To be gleeful someone was a drug addict or pregnant at fourteen because 'haha she said no one would ever screw me, joke's on you!' Those sort of people need serious help.

Having a smug moment with someone who made it well and clear their priorities, made your life hell, then ended up in the trap they sneered at you? Well as much as I agree with Marmalade I reluctantly see why it would be satisfying.

People who sneer at the former two are just as scummy as those they happily tromp their boots in.

SubliminalMassaging Sun 08-Sep-13 14:47:30

Anyone who is smug that their bully is a heroin addict or was pregnant at fourteen is far worse than the bully IMHO.

Really? I completely disagree. Anyone who has been terrorised and traumatised by another person over a sustained period is entitled to feel as smug as they damn well like if it turns out their life is much happier and more successful than that of their tormentor. The nature/extent of their downfall is beside the point.

I think some of you have a very unrealistic expectation of others. I can only imagine you don't know what it's actually like to suffer at the hands of someone else.

RussiansOnTheSpree Sun 08-Sep-13 14:58:38

This thread is disgusting it really is.

Hullygully Sun 08-Sep-13 15:28:02

Why is it disgusting?

That is an odd thing to post.

It's interesting: people have different experiences and different responses, about which they are being honest. Thinking that you yourself would never seek revenge, or be pleased to see it happen without engendering it, either means you have never suffered in the way described, are Jesus, or insufferably judgmental and smug.

curlew Sun 08-Sep-13 15:36:27

I am sure I would be seek revenge,nor be pleased to see it happen, or delight in my tormentor's misfortune.

But I would know that it was an unworthy feeling, I would think less of myself for feeling it, and I would, I hope, not be especially delighted that the fate that befell her was to be fat and to work in the service sector.

Pimpf Sun 08-Sep-13 17:58:44

But curlew it isn't being delighted that they are fat or work in any particular job, it is the fact that they are something that in the past they tormented someone about, or where very rude about and said that that is all the victim would do.. It is them that we're rude and sneering not me (or others)

FreeWee Sun 08-Sep-13 18:30:03

Pimpf yes. Thank you wine That's exactly what I think.

SpecialAgent Having a smug moment with someone who made it well and clear their priorities, made your life hell, then ended up in the trap they sneered at you? Well as much as I agree with Marmalade I reluctantly see why it would be satisfying. How is that not allowed to be the case in my example? Her priorities were looks, boys and telling me I'd never shag anyone. How is her getting pregnant not falling into her own trap? How come you get to decide the difference between gleeful and smug? And me having a private moment of comeuppance versus her years of bullying? Yep way worse. I don't need help thanks. I'm pretty happy as it happens.

Subliminal thank you. I will continue to be happy my life turned out just fine despite my years of suffering.

I know I'm a bitch for feeling smug but as long as I'm smug in private and don't rub it in her face who gets hurt? Surely only a little bit of me who'd like to get over it but can't. And I'll take the hit if it's all the same to you.

coco27 Sun 08-Sep-13 18:36:36

The "it" girl from my school who made my life a living hell has married a very wealthy (albeit much older) bloke and is living in an absolutely FABULOUS house, travels all over the world and generally living it up.
my school bully too sad envy

Thistledew Sun 08-Sep-13 18:39:29

I met the ringleader of the people who bullied me at school at our 10 year reunion. I had a fabulous time chatting away and getting on well with a completely different group of people than I used to associate with but be excluded by at school.

When I went to the bar, I saw my ex-bully sitting quietly and not really engaging with anyone other than her date- a complete contrast to her queen bee persona at school. I said hello to her, and we had a brief conversation. She seemed to genuinely not recognise me at first and was shocked when she worked it out. She told me that in fact she had had a miserable time at the school she had attended after she left ours. I thought to myself "that was probably because you were a pretty vile person at the time". I didn't say it though, because she was the sort of nasty person to put someone else down, not me. TBH, I really didn't give a stuff either way, although I appreciated the irony for a moment, particularly as she didn't seem to be inclined to offer me an apology or any recognition of her own behaviour.

Namechanged101 Sun 05-Apr-15 13:32:20

Sorry to resurrect this thread but had my 'moment' on Friday walked past a girl who used to put me down for being fat/ugly/stupid all through secondary she sneered at me-not seen her since we were 16...cue her looking a good 10 years older and a lot larger than she was- Im now tall and slim(ish) and looking pretty ok. Shame we didn't stop to chat so I could tell her how this 'moron' is now in a very interesting job and about to start a masters smile

Sierraspider Sun 05-Apr-15 15:51:07

See its strange, because I was so badly bullied at school by a group of people and in particular one girl was nasty. She was the ring leader. We are talking I would be spat on, beaten the crap out of, my hair cut and my things taken and broke on most school days.

I was bullied so bad as a teenager I tried to take my own life. I recently found out both her parents died in a fire not so long ago and she is now a stripper/ drug addict workung in a seedy club and looks very ill indeed. You think ide be happy karma seems to of truly got her for those years of hell she put me through - but I kind of feel sorry for her.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 05-Apr-15 16:30:46

I could have written your post OP. Now before I go any further a job is a job. No shame in working in a car park but in your case I think you're entitled to make an exception, bet she thought she was going to be a bank manager. Talked about getting her eye wiped, but like I sAid a jobs a job. There's no shame in earning an honest living.
There was a girl in my senior school who made my life there a nightmare.
She would say I'm fat and ugly and would never have a boy friend. I would fail all my GCSEs. I would be on the dole all my life.
Well I got 5 GCSEs. Never been short of male attention, and I've never stepped foot in the job centre. Let alone claimed anything off them. Now again I'm not putting people down that have or are doing. Unemployment can happen to anyone myself included. However
......A round a year ago who did I see walking out of the job centre while I was with my d.p. None other than her . The bitch who'd put me down said I'd be nothing. I said hi............... . She said I don't recognise you.
I said oh I recognise you though. Karmas great isn't she!.
I walked off feeling very pleased with myself.
Enjoy your wallow OP. Everyone Is allowed one that was certainly yours.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 05-Apr-15 16:32:25

Car wash not car park

Aeroflotgirl Sun 05-Apr-15 16:32:28

Pwahhahaha more fool for her, good on you smile

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 05-Apr-15 17:28:33

This is an old thread I know, I remember it the first time round, when I also found it distasteful.

I was bullied at school and as an adult don't give a shit what the people who bullied me are up to. I'm not even a particularly forgiving person. I'm not the same person I was at school and presume the same is true for them.

It seems a bit odd to crow that someone you don't like is a "failure" who who "only" works in a shop when most of you saying that would argue to the hilt that working in a shop is a perfectly fine job.

Failedspinster Sun 05-Apr-15 17:34:36

My DH was attacked every day of school by someone who, years later, ended up homeless and addicted to drugs. It was only human that he should feel actually quite cheerful when this guy asked him for change.

Bizarrely, one of my bullies ended up as a human rights lawyer and sought me out online to apologise for how she had treated me at school. Her apology, then and now, meant a great deal to me and it can't have been easy for her to make either. I totally respect that.

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 05-Apr-15 17:43:04

I don't think that reaction is "only human". Feeling pity yes, actually being cheerful that someone is a homeless drug addict, no.

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