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AIBU?

To ask how new parents manage to ahem do it?

118 replies

BraveLilBear · 03/09/2013 15:09

I'm baffled. Honestly I am. How do new parents get jiggy with it?

We have a 6 week old. The closest we've got is to ask each other 'do you think we'll ever manage it again?' A combination of breastfeeding, trepidation at ruined lady parts, lack of sleep and generally having no time to do anything but baby juggle when we're in the same room makes the prospect of feeling the love oh so dim and distant.

Yet people do do it. Siblings with 11 month gaps are evidence that they're not liars.

So... Please enlighten me! Otherwise I shan't be held accountable for my actions the next time a HCP asks me my plans for contraception

OP posts:

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meditrina · 03/09/2013 15:19

Why do you think people suggest you let your DC, even when tiny, visit or even stay overnight with loving grandparents so you get some couple time?

6 weeks is in the mythology as the "you can go for it after your 6 week check" - I doubt many people manage it more than once to see if it all still works. 3 months is probably more typical for resumption (based on too many tmi convos) and frequently later than that.

You do need a child at will stay in a cot in another room and a (one way only) baby monitor.

ToriaPumpkin · 03/09/2013 15:20

DS was nine weeks old and had just started sleeping for more than four hours a night the first time we managed it. We were helped along massively by the fact it was Christmas day and I'd had a couple of glasses of wine!

morethanpotatoprints · 03/09/2013 15:20

I don't know either OP.

After our first and second it seemed like ages before we got jiggy again, similar reasons to those you state.
I can't remember how long it was but it was a lot longer than the time it took after dd.
Perhaps if labour wasn't too bad and lady parts were ok it is easier for some folk to resume sex again.
I'm sure there is no ideal time, just when you are ready. I also felt like decking HCPs who asked me about contraception
Congratulations on the birth of your baby, I bet you are Knackered and sex last thing on your mind. Hope you are well. x

AnythingNotEverything · 03/09/2013 15:23

It's not so bad after your first, although 6 weeks is early - I think most couples are much more like 8-12 weeks plus. Also, you can try during the day, when you're supposedly less knackered than bedtime, and LO might be asleep in the pram downstairs ...

How people manage to conceive a third, I've no idea.

PlateSpinningAtAllTimes · 03/09/2013 15:23

No idea, op- I've always assumed people with a v small age gap had a Magic Sleeping Baby.

PlateSpinningAtAllTimes · 03/09/2013 15:26

I agree, Anything - when dc2 is napping, dc1 is awake, and when dc1 tucked up in bed dc 2 is cluster feeding/crying because it's the dreaded evening time/witching hour.

summertimeandthelivingiseasy · 03/09/2013 15:26

I met someone with 10mths between sets of twins once.

StupidMistakes · 03/09/2013 15:31

Baby had his own room. I had a natural birth with only gas n air. No tearing or stitches or need to be cut (much to the midwifes surprise) so for me it was before the 6 week check.

BraveLilBear · 03/09/2013 15:31

Summertime

OP posts:

BraveLilBear · 03/09/2013 15:36

I'm not averse to the idea of jumping back on the erm horse wagon. Mentally, at least. But the reality is mindboggling!

OP posts:

wonderingifiam2013 · 03/09/2013 16:00

12 weeks of bleeding for me so none of that for us until + 3 months!

We even ended up using ovulation sticks for #2 as we didn't have a clue when I was ovulating and we didn't have the energy/time to do it every 2-3 days as recommended!

teenagetantrums · 03/09/2013 16:01

As far as I can remember was just over 6 weeks with first, to be honest the first time I just gritted my teeth and got on with it, was scared it would hurt, but once fine once we started, just the thought of it really. Baby was normally asleep, to be fair mine slept for 3/4 hour streches as babies so I was lucky. I found it harder one they got older, the were always wandering into the bedroom once they could get out of bed. At least if you put a baby in the cot it will stay there.

fryingpantoface · 03/09/2013 16:32

We first had sex after two weeks. But it was a very easy labour and i felt ready to.
da slept a fair amount then, it's now he's a toddler we struggle! Add to this that I'm 20 weeks pregnant, i just want to sleep!
i think it's just one of those things. I have friends who had sex after six months because the baby was an awful sleeper.

MissMuesli · 03/09/2013 16:35

2 1/2 weeks for me. It wasn't a test or pressure or trying to get it over and done with, I just wanted to! Didn't hurt as much as I was expecting and it was nice to feel a little "normal". I would say I'm an exception though, from what I can gather about 4 months seems "average" to my friends!

donteatthat · 03/09/2013 16:38

3 months here! I think that is pretty normal based on conversations with friends, you're not under any pressure to do it so don't put yourself under pressure, it'll happen when it happens!

Squitten · 03/09/2013 16:40

At 6wks post-partum? We don't!

BelleEtLaBaby · 03/09/2013 16:42

Wasn't there a thread on here a while back where someone who was a midwife or nurse or something said there had been a couple doing it on the postnatal ward

Took me and DH a few months after DS1. DS2 due any day now so I think DH has his thoughts turned hopefully towards Christmas :)

Chattymummyhere · 03/09/2013 17:01

I don't get how people don't have the time really..

Me and dh have always returned to normal sex within 4days-2weeks dependant on bleeding or issues downstairs.

Babies spend a lot of time napping a quickie here and there during nap time you can soon add up a lot of sex miles so to speak during naps

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful · 03/09/2013 17:03

I've found now we have sex far less than we used to we are much quicker at it.

We hadn't had sex for 6 months, the first shag lasted only 3 minutes

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful · 03/09/2013 17:04

chatty I think that might be the problem, pre baby you are used to a rather lengthy sex session - it takes a while to realise that you can do it really quickly.

GaryBuseysTeeth · 03/09/2013 17:07

Planned quickies are your friend!
5wks post ds2 here and we're planning around naps/shifts.

MammaTJ · 03/09/2013 17:08

It only takes a few minutes and a lot can be acheived in a short period of time if you are gaggin for it have been without for a while.

I had to go and get the MAP when DD2 was 4 weeks old.

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BelleEtLaBaby · 03/09/2013 19:25

hey - I remember you from the js-ers! Congrats - 5 weeks already!

BelleEtLaBaby · 03/09/2013 19:26

I recko when I've got newborn ds2 here (hint: get out, ds2) AND toddler ds1 at home, I'm going to look back fondly at the days of shaggibg around a newborn's naps.

I'm never getting laid again, am I??

;)

BelleEtLaBaby · 03/09/2013 19:27

Aargh. Typos . Just had my nails done in vain hope that making appointments might tempt labour :)

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