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AIBU in wanting a 10,000% tax on...

(47 Posts)
TiggyD Mon 02-Sep-13 19:54:59

Fairydust? Stuff petrol and diesel. Cars powered by fairydust should be taxed out of existence. And the owners of them.

phantomnamechanger Mon 02-Sep-13 19:57:30

oh YANBU, and pink fluffy dice and big eye lashes on the headlights too please

maybe you live near me!

(not that I drive a car like that but there is one very close by)

NotYoMomma Mon 02-Sep-13 19:58:31

bwahahaha! indeed!

TalcAndTurnips Mon 02-Sep-13 20:22:25

All well and good on paper, Tigs - but I think that you will find that the Organisation of Fairydust Fabricating States (OFFS) will be very resistant to a levy like this being placed upon their product.

Spokesfairy Topsy Twinkle Sparkly-Drawers, Chief Executive Fairy of BFD, said earlier:

"Talk of high rates of tax being applied to our very competitively priced product is no more than hysterical and scurrilous scaremongering. In the opinion of our Board of Directors, this Tiggy chap must be some kind of gigantic wanker. Or a gnome - they're always keen to put the boot in on legitimate fairy enterprise in an attempt to promote their own shoddy output"

Mr D was unavailable for comment.

TiggyD Mon 02-Sep-13 20:35:33

But the dust producing areas of Fairyland are the most politically unstable. We can't rely on a constant supply of fairydust. We need to diversify. The recent "Fairy Spring" has showed us that.

morethanpotatoprints Mon 02-Sep-13 20:39:48

I feel like I've entered a Mnet parallel universe today. grin
Loving the idea of this thread, watching with anticipation of a gnome bun fight.

TiggyD Mon 02-Sep-13 20:48:28

Everybody always blames the Gnomes. sad

pointythings Mon 02-Sep-13 20:55:46

It's far more fun to throw fairy cakes than it is to throw gnome buns anyway, you get hilarious icing stains with fairy cakes.

Anyway, those gnomes have spent ages working on their buns so that they can show them off in bright red Daisy Dukes, it isn't fair to dismiss them by throwing them.

<slinks off to wash brain with bleach>

TalcAndTurnips Mon 02-Sep-13 20:59:14

The effects of the Civil War between the north and south of Fairyland are indeed still manifesting themselves in the form of political extremism, that is true, Tiggy. Only last week there were several lynchings of wood nymphs down in Dingly Dell and the finger is firmly pointed at the ultra right-wing Fairy Defence League.

Illegal imports of vastly inferior pixie dust - quite often cut with medical grade methagnome - are flooding the country and exchanging hands for exorbitant sums of money. How can making a legitimate quality product even more expensive to the consumer help this situation?

I feel that we should be subsidising the industry, not crippling it with another layer of taxation.

TiggyD Mon 02-Sep-13 21:08:44

People can't judge all gnomes by the actions of a few extremists. But although I don't think we can side with the hard-line fairies, I wouldn't be in favour of the Trolls idea of limited spell strikes to punish them. There's not conclusive proof that The Fairies Republic of North Fairyland even have pixie dust supplies, let alone be able to sprinkle it in 45 minutes.

pointythings Mon 02-Sep-13 21:42:13

Agreed, Tiggy, but you're forgetting about the political situation in Pixierael, where hardline fairies are building new settlements in traditionally gnome - er - gnomelands. Until we get a political solution there, the whole region will continue to be a FairyDustPowderKeg.

TalcAndTurnips Mon 02-Sep-13 21:53:30

The trolls are a problem indeed - but at least they can only operate in the hours of darkness.

What is more of an unknown quantity is the itinerant leprechaun community. It's said that they are developing Rainbows of Mass Destruction, and are quite prepared to use them if they do not get what they want. At the very least they will probably shit on your lawn before disappearing in a puff of green smoke. Very hard to pin down and best given a wide berth.

MammaTJ Mon 02-Sep-13 21:57:27

Fairy cakes should be tax free and 'cupcakes' taxed to oblivion!!

ivykaty44 Mon 02-Sep-13 22:00:02

cars powered by drivers wearing pompoms whilst driving should be banned and made to lye on a bed of nails with fire eating dragons surrounding - ok

fluffywhitekittens Mon 02-Sep-13 22:01:00

If you tax the fairy dust then those sneaky unicorns will just jump in to fill the gap with unicorn shit.
And you know we don't want that now do we.

stubbornstains Mon 02-Sep-13 22:08:55

But there is a solution! Organic magic mushroom extract is a 100% natural fuel, and causes none of the environmental devastation linked to fairy dust extraction, such as the contamination of much of the course of Troll River with a sparkling, glittery substance.

Unfortunately, research into the extraction has been halted by a series of "accidents" involving key figures in the Magic Mushroom Development Board, most memorable being the transformation of its chief executive into a unicorn. The finger points at the obvious culprit- the BFD- but a spokesperson strenuously denied any involvement.

stubbornstains Mon 02-Sep-13 22:10:39

I am proud, for the very first time, to be able to use the phrase..

Unicorn x-post

hermioneweasley Mon 02-Sep-13 22:13:07

YANBU but need to include eyelashes for cars.

Timeforabiscuit Mon 02-Sep-13 22:16:29

I thought fairy dust was a dwindling resource anyway - isn't everyone moving over to moonbeams now?

Sure I saw jezza test it on top gear ..

TalcAndTurnips Mon 02-Sep-13 22:26:44

fluffy - but unicorn shit is only marginally less scarce than rocking-horse shit!

All the unicorns in the whole of Fairyland put together, eating a super high-fibre diet with extra prunes, would struggle to produce enough shit to provide a viable alternative to Fairydust. It simply doesn't make economic sense.

The only workable solution is a state-subsidised development of Fairydust production - and I know I'm going to be unpopular for mentioning the fairy-fracking issue - and a fair pricing system with low taxation at point of sale.

The day that the Fairydust industry was privatised was the first step on the road towards the shameful situation we see today, with the fat fairy cats creaming off the profits and running the industry into the ground with unsustainable practices and unfair working practices.

TalcAndTurnips Mon 02-Sep-13 22:28:49

Timeforabiscuit - nah, that wasn't moonbeams, that was bullshit.

NorksAreMessy Mon 02-Sep-13 22:31:04

I love Mumsnet grin

pointythings Mon 02-Sep-13 22:39:45

with the fat fairy cats creaming off the profits and running the industry into the ground with unsustainable practices and unfair working practices.

Like this guy?

TalcAndTurnips Mon 02-Sep-13 22:44:24

Yes pointy - that's one of them.

Look at his smug, self-satisfied face. He is happy to sleep at night (and most of the day) with the blood of a thousand fairies in his hands. Paws. Whatever.

stubbornstains Tue 03-Sep-13 07:34:37


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