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... To feel like I'm going mad. Need advice. Thanks x

(19 Posts)
daiseehope Mon 02-Sep-13 01:52:27

AIBU. I don't even hear my own mind now. My brain has just slid. I had diagnosed depression for 18mths during which I really was poorly. I think that a combination of workplace bullying, childhood abuse and an EA partner caused it. I screwed one job up with the depression and am very lucky I know to have a job now but the thought of another slide is terrifying me. My NSDP has been awful for this week. I am desperate to leave or for him to leave. In my head is just a tangle of noise and stress. In the space of a week close family member and my mum were both diagnosed with cancer. My mum is terminal. I have huge debts. But you keep going, and I can cope as long as NSDP is nice. Our kids and family are wonderful.
Sorry. My AIBU to ask for time to see my Dr etc and sort myself out. I had the last two weeks of term off as well. I am normally a loyal and hardworking type but this start is appalling. I'm scared I'll get the sack. My job is highly responsible in a private care company and I am very concerned that I will not be capable of fulfilling my role with clients who need my total focus. myself sliding down like last time. I think I may be been self harming I can't stop crying. AIBU to ask for help tomorrow am and expect it?
Thanks so much biscuit biscuit .

solarbright Mon 02-Sep-13 02:01:03

I know someone with more experience will be along very soon, but I didn't want to leave you without a response. Of course you need to get some help. Yes, you should ask for it. It's incredibly impressive that you know you need the help and feel capable of getting it. You should be really proud of being so strong and self-aware. People need time off for a whole host of reasons, and this is a very very good reason.

SquinkiesRule Mon 02-Sep-13 04:29:00

You are Not BU ask for help, keep asking till you get it. and a very un MN (((hugs)))

daiseehope Mon 02-Sep-13 08:20:31

I an just sitting in q car park. I rang in sick. I couldn't stop myself.

hairylittlegoblin Mon 02-Sep-13 08:26:29

Please, please ask for help. Depression is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of keeping strong for too long. (Apologies for the cliche).

Ring your GP and get an emergency appointment. And pleas tell him/her everything. You have had this before which is awful but means that this time you can spot the signs and react as quickly as possible.

Littlereddog Mon 02-Sep-13 09:19:30

You are most definitely NOT BU.
I had something very similar happen to me last year (will not give details as this is about you, not me) but I managed to ask for help with my GP and am heaps better now.
When you feel like this it really feels as if there is no way out....but there is.
Get on the phone and get an appt with your doctor - that is the very best thing you can do.
I'm sending you lots of bundles of courage and love.
Be kind to yourself, it is a very difficult time but you can get through it.
(Feel free to PM if you think that will help...)

CeliaFate Mon 02-Sep-13 09:47:07

I'm so sorry about your mum and relative.
Please go to your g.p. who can sign you off and give you medication for depression.

Hassled Mon 02-Sep-13 09:50:03

You have an awful lot to deal with - some time off sounds like a very good idea. Go talk to your GP.

catinabox Mon 02-Sep-13 09:56:05

daisyhope Your Mum has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. flowers

That is enough for anyone to cope with.

If I was your employer I would be telling you to take some time out.

The depression you are talking about sounds very much like reactive, stress related depression. You are not going mad, your body and mind are just telling you you need a break. Just be open and honest with your doctor and take the medication. I think, if you haven't told your employer about your Mum, that you really need to.

The thing with depression and stress is that most people feel like they are going to pieces inside but in most cases, on the outside appear only to be mildly under par. You are stronger than you think you are. I imagine your job is very demanding too. Don't worry about your work. Unless there is anything you aren't telling us they will have no reason to sack you. If you can make an appointment with CAB about the debts while you are off, this will help you feel a bit more in control of the debt issue.

I bet you haven't had a second to do anything for yourself for ages?

flowers [tea]

Be kind to yourself.

daiseehope Mon 02-Sep-13 12:19:54

I have just returned from the doctor. I told him about my partner, how I felt as well as I could. He basically sat there and asked me what I wanted him to do. I was then told I had to be proactive. He didn't feel a change in medication would help, but how I dealt with the situation which he admitted was stressful. I have seen the practice counsellor before and did not find her helpful. I asked for CBT and he said I got a letter and had not responded. I didn't, not blaming Dr, but I didn't. He told me to self cert for a week and return to see him in two. I don't feel helped. sad

catinabox Mon 02-Sep-13 12:23:36

Sounds like you drew a short straw with that Dr. What a cock!

Go home, put your feet up and rest. Being proactive can wait a few days. You are mentally exhausted. brew Have you got any friends you can chat too about Partner?

daiseehope Mon 02-Sep-13 22:30:26

I can't help thinking that I've bent their ear.too much. I'm aimless, that's the worst thing. I can't finish a simple task. my mum on the other hand is consistently amazing. she even went and had a "Chemo Cut" which looks great.

daiseehope Mon 02-Sep-13 22:31:54

Thanks Cat, I thought so too. I don't trust my own brain at munutehmm

daiseehope Mon 02-Sep-13 22:34:20

Do you all think that I should make another appointment with a different Dr before 2 weeks?

georgettemagritte Mon 02-Sep-13 22:53:35

Yes, try again with another GP? You are dealing with so much OP and you deserve to get some help! I'm so sorry about your mum sad Thinking of you xxx

thefirstmrsrochester Mon 02-Sep-13 23:04:23

daisee you must see a different GP. You have been hit with a double whammy of dreadful news on top of depression caused by the issues you have described. The balance has been tipped, you need time out, away from work. Please make another appointment. Much love to you.

Madlizzy Mon 02-Sep-13 23:08:08

Definitely see a different GP. The one you saw sounded very dismissive. Mention the self harming and how you feel that you're sliding from reality. there is help available.

CharityFunDay Mon 02-Sep-13 23:13:56

Yes, either that GP is a git, or you didn't open up enough.

Make another appointment with another GP immediately and make it clear to the GP you end up seeing that you want a second opinion.

Write down all your negative thoughts and worries, as you have on this thread, and use your notes as a script to refer to during the appointment if you find it difficult to talk about deeply personal issues. This helps more than you might think.

Good luck. x

catinabox Tue 03-Sep-13 20:27:27

How are you doing daisy?

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