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Serious Wedding One.

(188 Posts)
disguiseno1 Sun 01-Sep-13 17:17:09

Have nc for this. This could turn out quite long so apologies in advance.

Sister is getting married and has asked me to be maid of honour. I am thrilled even though dsis is a bit of a bridezilla. She asked me a couple of months ago and I have been helping her with wedding planning etc.

Dsis and i have different dads. Hers was my stepdad for a large part of my childhood. He was abusive, emotionally/mentally, physically and one sexual assualt (when i was 8) towards me. My dsis only got the emotional/mental abuse. Dsis is aware of what i suffered (although minimises/excuses such as he was drunk).

As soon as i turned 16 i left home and have no contact with him. Dsis has contact with him although i think it can be strained.

However it has transpired that she has asked him to give her away at her wedding. I was unaware of this up until this week (although don't know why i am surprised).

I am now in a difficult position. Basically i dont want to go. I dont want to have to be anywhere near him. He would probably have the hard neck to try and speak to me and id rather just not put myself in that position. AIBU to just drop out? I dont think dsis would be too understanding and it would probably ruin her day.

Any other questions just ask.

WilsonFrickett Mon 02-Sep-13 22:48:25

I also hope you have some RL support op, do you? Because the next few days are going to get messy... sad

ToffeeWhirl Mon 02-Sep-13 22:49:48

I'm so sorry you are going through this, disguise. I think you did the right thing and I suspect your sister is being a bit manipulative in cancelling the wedding.

Am still reeling at panda's remark about seeing the funny side.

disguiseno1 Mon 02-Sep-13 22:50:15

No pressure from dmum. She is onside. Dont think dbro would say anything, he tends not to get involved in any family matters. Would i be pushing my luck to ask her what she is going to tell people the reasons behind?

Xales Mon 02-Sep-13 22:52:51

Don't bank on your DM. You thought she was onside when you were 14. Plus everyone accepts what your sister is like so they are going to expect you to back down for her.

bettykt Mon 02-Sep-13 22:55:25

Was your dmum going to attend, knowing what he did to you and her? She and your dbro should be on your side. Be strong Disguise this is between dsis and her dad, you have not caused any of this her dad has. Let's just hope she doesn't let him babysit her children, shudders.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Mon 02-Sep-13 23:03:31

Double Agents e.g. Agentzigzag and SpecialAgent you make a lot of sense.

OP I hope your DSis sees the light. Cancelling the wedding - or more accurately threatening to cancel - is pure Bridezilla behaviour which is absolutely shocking given your background.

Repeatedlydoingthetwist Mon 02-Sep-13 23:04:44

OP I read your thread last night but didn't comment as I didn't feel that I had anything useful to say. However after this last update I am furious on your behalf and just wanted to say that you need to think of yourself and not respond to any attempts at blackmail or manipulation from your 'd'sis. The other posters have said everything I want to say so much better than I could have, so I just want to echo them. Please please do NOT attend this wedding. Look after yourself, your wellbeing is the most important thing here. Your sister clearly does not give a damn about your feelings so you can afford not to be too concerned about hers.

NoComet Mon 02-Sep-13 23:09:10

What a fucking mess and I bet the man who caused it still doesn't feel a shred of real guilt.

Mmmnotsure Mon 02-Sep-13 23:28:36

Another delurker here.

I would be interested in knowing exactly why she was cancelling the wedding. I've heard of weddings being cancelled if the bride or groom didn't want to be there, but not if a bridesmaid or a MOH chose not to attend!

Hope you manage to stay strong, OP, despite the abysmal behaviour of so many people close to you, family who should be looking after you rather than behaving like this. None of this is your fault: not the original assaults; not the impossible decision imposed on you as a child; not the horrible position you have been put in now. As Hearts says - please look after yourself here.

stopthebusiwanttogetoff Mon 02-Sep-13 23:29:23

Oh god that is hideous. I am so sorry they are getting you involved. That he has the front to be there says it all, he doesn't take any responsibility for what he has done because he gets away with everything! Stay away from him, stay away from his facilitators. And stay strong. Just my opinion!! I went to my dads wedding this weekend, nowhere NEAR as dicey circumstances, and it ended up a mess. I hate guilt, I hate controlling people, and I can't begin to say what I think about your df and dsis. I get that it's not her fault, but FFS, she likes you enough to ask you to be MoH but not enough to protect you from your abuser. Wtaf.

AgentZigzag Tue 03-Sep-13 01:17:53

'I've heard of weddings being cancelled if the bride or groom didn't want to be there, but not if a bridesmaid or a MOH chose not to attend!'

That's very true, this is just foot stamping, pure and simple.

I can't believe she's got the audacity to fucking argue the point with you disguise, but her choice of what to foot stamp about is insensitive at the very least (given that she's probably messed up as well having to live the scrote).

Xales Tue 03-Sep-13 09:48:34

Morning OP. I hope you managed to get some sleep. I know we are not as good as a real life hand hold and hug but there will always be someone here for you to vent to if you ever want.

Some of us have been through a similar childhood so even though it affects everyone different we will understand!

diddl Tue 03-Sep-13 10:02:18

She can still get married, without OP, her mum, brother....

Indeed as long as the groom turns up!

She might want certain people there-but the wedding can happen without them!

OP-how horrible for all of you.

You have done the right thing.

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