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To not feel comfortable being alone with a random man installing internet at home?

(103 Posts)
HopLittleFroggyHopHopHop Sun 01-Sep-13 10:55:09

I know I'm probably being over anxious, but I get quite panicky if I'm anywhere not public with males I don't know. I'm nowhere near as bad as I was a couple of years back, but I'm still worrying about the person due to come over incase it's a man, as it will just be me (and baby DD).

If I phoned and asked for a woman to do it would they be likely to agree or am I being ridiculous? (I know logically its unlikely anything would happen-but still panic and run through scenarios)

Famzilla Sun 01-Sep-13 10:56:16

It can't hurt to ask.

Have you considered CBT?

Mia4 Sun 01-Sep-13 10:57:45

YANBU to feel how you feel OP, I think in the long run you need to speak to someone about it but in the short run then you could make that request. They may not be able to help you, especially if it's very soon, but what about getting a friend over for lunch/tea?

SavoyCabbage Sun 01-Sep-13 10:58:28

Well yanbu as that's how you feel but it would probably help to get some counselling. I was just telling a friend yesterday how I like eBay pick ups as the buyers are always so lovely.

TheGirlFromIpanema Sun 01-Sep-13 10:59:27

My Auntie has always worried about this OP, she's not had luck over the years with requesting women tbh.

Best plan is to get someone to be with you at home for days appts. are on.

Seaweedy Sun 01-Sep-13 10:59:29

Have you had a traumatic experience in the past, Hop? It does sound like a rather extreme reaction. What s it you are afraid might occur? I think the vast majority of these kinds of jobs are held by men, so there might well be no woman available to do your installation. Could you ask a friend or neighbour to visit at the scheduled time, if it will help you feel less anxious?

DragonsAreReal Sun 01-Sep-13 10:59:46

Is there no one who would come round to yours for a bit till Internet man has gone? They usually text you first so it's not a surprise.

Rufus43 Sun 01-Sep-13 10:59:47

Ask a neighbour to pop round if your friend can't make it

directoroflegacy Sun 01-Sep-13 11:05:48

We just had a lovely man come round from BT to do our internet - he was v professional, helpful and polite - if that helps!
It does sound though as if you need some form of CBT -
ime all these fitters / repair people are men
Are you ok - did something happen to make you feel like this?

Grumpywino Sun 01-Sep-13 11:09:47

By all means ask, if you don't ask you don't get but please try and get help, that sounds like an awful way to live.

bookishandblondish Sun 01-Sep-13 11:28:56

I dont get scared easily, and have workmen over without worrying too much, but i do think there is something unnerving about strangers in your home.

As an immediate means of reducing the stress, could you arrange to call someone once they arrive and agree you will call as soon as they have left.
I did this when selling a load of stuff and had a bunch of strangers ( I was moving countries and I was white, young and female and perceived as very wealthy - this was not the UK) and had rehomed my dog the previous week so was a bit nervous.

springytufty Sun 01-Sep-13 11:33:16

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Has this got worse since you had children? I felt wary of things that I hadn't previously felt anxious about before I had children (eg flying!). Something about the strong protective instinct for your children clashing with protecting yourself iyswim. Can you ask someone to come in and sit with you while he's doing it?

I don't want to feed your fear, though. I learnt something very helpful when I did a self-defence course: make sure you are closest to the door ie wherever he is, you are between him and the door, not the other way around. If I have a tradesperson in who is likely to be male, I unlock the back gate and the back door, so that, in the extremely unlikely event that something untoward should happen, I can get out of either the front door or the back door. This is just common sense, though, but imo it is good to be aware.

Get someone in to sit with you. I live alone and I am used to calling on just about anybody to sit with me at times like this.

SilverApples Sun 01-Sep-13 11:33:24

Do you have a specific fear in your mind, and do you have any past history that is feeding this fear?
Either way, I think that getting some counselling would help free you.
In the meantime, try having a friend over, and do ask for a female worker. If there is a demand for it, perhaps the numbers of women employed as workers will increase? smile

teacherandguideleader Sun 01-Sep-13 11:42:02

I had someone over the other day to do something - I'm also not a fan of having unknown people in the house. I left the back door open and pottered about on the patio - I could see the man but I didn't feel 'trapped'.

If you need to be in the house - have the biggest windows in the room you'll be in open. You may feel like you have an escape route, plus people would be able to hear if you needed assistance (as unlikely as this is).

I think there is a minimal risk if it is someone you have pre-booked through a reputable company as they would never get away with something if it happened as the company would know exactly who had been at the house. You are much more at risk if it is a door-to-door person (who I would never let through the threshold - I don't even answer the door if I'm alone).

StHelenInPerson Sun 01-Sep-13 11:51:00

Iv been known to let technical people in and just sit on my doorstep outside if its nice enough and when I'm not up for pleasantries/any form of company..

Could you phone someone for a chat while the person is in doing the work
Or invite someone over?

AnyFucker Sun 01-Sep-13 11:58:00

Something happened to you in your past, yes ? Sorry love, to have this fear must be awful. Have you had any help with it, because as I'm sure you are aware, this isn't a "random" man, he is a trained person for the job.

Without wishing to appear sexist, I think it is realistic to expect that female internet installers are ten a penny.

What about meter readers, plumbers, washing machine repairers, on-call GP's etc for your children. You can't request a female for everything nor arrange a friend to chaperone every time.

Please access help, and all the best to you x

AnyFucker Sun 01-Sep-13 11:58:38


RedHelenB Sun 01-Sep-13 13:41:14

I think YABU, but if you have been attacked by a stranger in the past then it is understandable to feel as you do. Ask a friend over coffee perhaps?

NeedaWee Sun 01-Sep-13 14:26:12

No wonder women aren't taken seriously might of the time

Shakes head

AnyFucker Sun 01-Sep-13 14:29:58

What do you mean Need ?

Seaweedy Sun 01-Sep-13 14:47:26

Yes, Need. Do explain.

KenDoddsDadsDog Sun 01-Sep-13 14:50:09

The engineer will work for Openreach and have an employee number etc. It is possible they could give you this number on the day I think , so you could check on arrival. Want me to find out ?

Footface Sun 01-Sep-13 14:52:54

I do sometimes feel a bit nervous, could you text someone and ask them to call of you haven't contacted within an agreed time.


fluffyraggies Sun 01-Sep-13 14:55:59

Yes, interested in needas explanation for that comment confused

I second the neighbour or friend idea OP.

YANBU. I get a bit twitchy about having tradesmen in the house when i'm alone. And my DH and my (now departed) dear father were tradesmen who would visit folks homes - both lovely men.

Don't let anyone tell you you are being silly. Better to acknowledge you feel this way and take a small simple step (like inviting a neighbour round for an hour) to get through it rather than beat yourself up about it.

flaggybannel Sun 01-Sep-13 15:00:23

could you ask a neighbour round OP?

I felt a bit strange home alone why my sky was installed but I kept my front door open and busied myself cleaning the door and the step ! the guy was in and out within half an hour , it was a sunny day though with lots of neighbours out in gardens along the street and people passing saying hello every few minutes . could you keep DD with you in the pram and do the same ?

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