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To think that an uncle IS a close relative?

(87 Posts)
Watto1 Fri 30-Aug-13 19:52:00

My uncle sadly passed away a few days ago. His funeral is on Thursday next week. My boss says that I can't have compassionate leave to go to his funeral as compassionate leave is 'for close relatives only.'

I will be going regardless, using my annual leave rather than compassionate leave, but AIBU to think that an uncle should be considered a close relative?

BackforGood Sat 31-Aug-13 23:34:45

Sorry for your loss
I agree with most other people on here. An Uncle might be close to you, or might not, but in terms of allowing compassionate leave, there has to be a line drawn and that is usually parents, grandparents, siblings, spouse and children.
It's not so bad for people who can take Annual leave, but becomes more difficult if you are in a job like teaching and don't have that option. sad

Lethologica Sat 31-Aug-13 23:26:52

I am very sorry for your loss and, of course, I think that an Uncle is a close relative but I still think you are unreasonable to expect to be paid.
I would just take the day as annual leave.

I hope everything goes well next week. thanks

FreeWee Sat 31-Aug-13 23:19:44

quoteunquote that sounds like a supportive policy. I'm a firm believer that if you care about somebody enough to be prepared to go to their funeral (sounds weirdly worded but I hate funerals and have to brace myself for them) then you should be shown some compassion for your loss and get compassionate leave.

Having said that evil wretches who lie about going to a funeral when really they just want a day off give honest grieving people a bad name and should be hauled over the coals if discovered What sick bastard lies about someone's death?

OP I'm sorry for your loss and if you feel you were close to your uncle then I'd have given you compassionate leave sod HR bloody policy

OnTheBottomWithAWomensWeekly Sat 31-Aug-13 23:08:35

I'm amazed you think they wouldn't be prescriptive about what constitutes a family. Otherwise you'd get people taking days off for their second cousins girlfriends stepsisters aunties funeral.

It's a business, not a charity. Thats what your leave is for.

chocolateicecream Sat 31-Aug-13 22:35:35

I am very sorry for your loss.

In my eyes 'a close relative' is a relative that you felt close to no matter who they are. I remember feeling devastated when I lost my uncle, all his nieces and nephews adored him and felt the same. I gave a speech at his funeral. Only recently I discovered that this speech really touched the vicar who himself was an uncle but not a farther. It made him realise how important his uncle role was.

GwendolineMaryLacey Sat 31-Aug-13 21:02:43

I'm amazed that in this day and age, where 'family' covers all sorts of set ups, that they can be so prescriptive about what defines family.

Sorry for your loss Wato flowers

confettiwoman Sat 31-Aug-13 20:48:32

Go using your annual leave, but make sure you manage to somehow not volunteer for something your boss would want you to do in the future. Whether it be covering phones whilst others go to lunch, not doing a report, or covering for him/her in someway. Make yourself unavailable or simply don't volunteer. Even don't stay 15 mins late when you would normally.

My boss did the same for my Grandads funeral that i had to organise! We 'get' 3 days a year of compassionate leave, and he suggested i 'save' 2 of them in case i need them. I bluntly told him i don't have any more relatives that are about to pop their clogs and that i was taking the 3 days. Full stop.

Be strong, and be awkward.

flowery Sat 31-Aug-13 19:26:40

That's appalling Heffalump sad

Purple2012 Sat 31-Aug-13 19:10:32

I didn't begrudge using a days annual leave for my uncles funeral. What made me mad was the woman who didn't come to work because her cat or rabbit (can't remember which) was not made to take leave.

ZeroTolerance Sat 31-Aug-13 18:04:15

Why do you begrudge losing a day of your annual leave?

I guess the reason they limit it to the stated family members is that most people have a maximum of 2 parents, 4 grandparents and a small number of siblings.

In large families, you can have a LOT of uncles/aunts/cousins.

Anyway, what's the big deal? You have annual leave precisely so you can take time off work to accommodate your personal life - you don't have to use all 25 days (average) to sit on a beach.

Namechangingnorma Sat 31-Aug-13 15:40:33

I believe any compassionate employer would give leave
For an uncle's funeral. As a manager I wouldnt think twice about giving it and everyone I have ever worked for would. Very suprised to hear of all the businesses that wouldnt, I have worked for 4 multi-billion pound businesses and all have been kind, caring and flexible in this respect.

DeWe Sat 31-Aug-13 15:36:39

My df had 27 uncles and aunts, that's not counting their spouses. He was close to some, others he didn't see in years. There was one year 8 died over the course of about 6 months.

BettyandDon Sat 31-Aug-13 15:32:16

Yes it is entirely personal. My aunt for example was my closest relative by far except my parents.

I am amazed HR policies stipulate the relationship in that way. Not very compassionate is it?

Fwiw, my ex employer allowed time off for pet deaths. Although it also allowed us to bring dogs to work smile.

sashh Sat 31-Aug-13 15:24:19

I had to take annual leave for my grandfather's funeral. I still resent it 20+ years later.

Viking1 Sat 31-Aug-13 13:21:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blondeshavemorefun Sat 31-Aug-13 12:58:12

sorry for your loss sad

guess companies cant always grant compassionate leave as could have lots of uncles/aunts but normally only one set of parents/2 sets of gp's and few siblings

not sure how its works for step parents?

i was very close/fond of dh's uncle and my family gave me the day off for his funeral (bless them)

when it was my dh funeral two years later, i had compassionate leave, all my friends came as well, and many of their employers granted compassionate leave (im a nanny and had met many of them, and guess kinda more personal then working in an office) tho obv didnt expect it - one employer even took day off work and didnt make my friend deduct from her holiday - bless her

there was one mb who was on ml yet she still made my friend take a day off al/unpaid - yes i know my dh wasnt her family, and no one expects it, but surely if home so no need to get extra cover (unlike all other employers) why not give the day off for a funeral of a young man

anyway, sorry for woffle and sorry again for your loss x

HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 31-Aug-13 11:41:52

Flowery - they wouldn't even let him take it as unpaid al because there apparently wasn't enough notice. Some people just have no compassion.

quoteunquote Sat 31-Aug-13 10:22:32

I run a company,

if someone wants time off to go to a funeral, they get time off to go to a funeral.

I find it far better to support people in anyway they feel the need to be supported,

I need happy enthusiastic content people, who care about the company, We very rarely have anyone leave, which apart from making my life easily , saves us huge costs,

Our policy is simple if someone wants time off, they get it,

No one has ever abused it , and I never have any fake sickies , which makes a massive difference to scheduling,

Going to a funeral is so important, it can be quite damaging to an individual not to go through the process, I would never want to be the person that caused someone to miss a vital opportunity.

BarbarianMum Sat 31-Aug-13 10:21:13

I'm sorry for your loss but struggling to understand why its a problem to be expected to take annual or unpaid leave to attend a funeral of a close but not immediate relative.

mrsjay Sat 31-Aug-13 10:07:46

yanbu family should be family regardless and if you have had a death in your family and a funeral compasionate leave should be allowed,

A friend of mine was brought up partly by her auntie and I remember her telling me she had to take holidays when the aunt died instead of getting leave

Birdsgottafly Sat 31-Aug-13 10:04:47

This isn't going to be popular but i would always say to someone to get themselves signed off sick "with stress", if their employers are arseholes.

What good is anyone going to be in work when there is a funeral going on, that they have been denied leave for?

Unless you are a surgeon etc, most people can be covered for a day.

We should all be striving to create a work/life balance where ever possible and the attendance of funerals fits in with that.

flowery Sat 31-Aug-13 09:58:29

"my dh has just had to get his union involved to get time off for his grandads funeral today."

Yes I think trying to prevent someone going to a funeral is pretty outrageous. Even if the employer doesn't have a more-generous-than-usual paid compassionate leave policy,annual leave or unpaid leave ought to be possible.

hermioneweasley Sat 31-Aug-13 08:26:38

The OP has been allowed to take AL so I don't see the problem.

Naoko Sat 31-Aug-13 01:03:03

In my DP's previous job, one of his colleagues got a phonecall at work to say his father had unexpectedly died. Their boss refused to let the colleague go home, saying he had to work out the day and he might give him tomorrow off if he finished enough work. Colleague walked out.

They tried to put him through a disciplinary procedure for walking out. It was only when the union asked if they were fucking joking when someone had an attack of common sense.

MsJupiterJones Sat 31-Aug-13 01:01:33

I worked for a big entertainment company that used to send its employees to work/live around the country. While working hundreds of miles from 'home', my grandmother died. I was told CL did not extend beyond immediate family and she was not categorised as such.

I had to beg and reason for enough AL to go home and support my mum (an only child) in the aftermath and then again to attend her funeral. My grandparents were the only family I had beyond my mum & siblings and they helped bring me up, but I hated having to justify it by telling them all this. If you expect employees to relocate at the drop of a hat then surely a little generosity in that respect would not go amiss?

I left the company shortly after and got a much better job closer to home.

I do understand what others are saying about people taking the piss but also think that companies should always try to err on the generous side wrt CL.

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