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To think that an uncle IS a close relative?

(87 Posts)
Watto1 Fri 30-Aug-13 19:52:00

My uncle sadly passed away a few days ago. His funeral is on Thursday next week. My boss says that I can't have compassionate leave to go to his funeral as compassionate leave is 'for close relatives only.'

I will be going regardless, using my annual leave rather than compassionate leave, but AIBU to think that an uncle should be considered a close relative?

DeWe Sat 31-Aug-13 15:36:39

My df had 27 uncles and aunts, that's not counting their spouses. He was close to some, others he didn't see in years. There was one year 8 died over the course of about 6 months.

Namechangingnorma Sat 31-Aug-13 15:40:33

I believe any compassionate employer would give leave
For an uncle's funeral. As a manager I wouldnt think twice about giving it and everyone I have ever worked for would. Very suprised to hear of all the businesses that wouldnt, I have worked for 4 multi-billion pound businesses and all have been kind, caring and flexible in this respect.

ZeroTolerance Sat 31-Aug-13 18:04:15

Why do you begrudge losing a day of your annual leave?

I guess the reason they limit it to the stated family members is that most people have a maximum of 2 parents, 4 grandparents and a small number of siblings.

In large families, you can have a LOT of uncles/aunts/cousins.

Anyway, what's the big deal? You have annual leave precisely so you can take time off work to accommodate your personal life - you don't have to use all 25 days (average) to sit on a beach.

Purple2012 Sat 31-Aug-13 19:10:32

I didn't begrudge using a days annual leave for my uncles funeral. What made me mad was the woman who didn't come to work because her cat or rabbit (can't remember which) was not made to take leave.

flowery Sat 31-Aug-13 19:26:40

That's appalling Heffalump sad

confettiwoman Sat 31-Aug-13 20:48:32

Go using your annual leave, but make sure you manage to somehow not volunteer for something your boss would want you to do in the future. Whether it be covering phones whilst others go to lunch, not doing a report, or covering for him/her in someway. Make yourself unavailable or simply don't volunteer. Even don't stay 15 mins late when you would normally.

My boss did the same for my Grandads funeral that i had to organise! We 'get' 3 days a year of compassionate leave, and he suggested i 'save' 2 of them in case i need them. I bluntly told him i don't have any more relatives that are about to pop their clogs and that i was taking the 3 days. Full stop.

Be strong, and be awkward.

GwendolineMaryLacey Sat 31-Aug-13 21:02:43

I'm amazed that in this day and age, where 'family' covers all sorts of set ups, that they can be so prescriptive about what defines family.

Sorry for your loss Wato flowers

chocolateicecream Sat 31-Aug-13 22:35:35

I am very sorry for your loss.

In my eyes 'a close relative' is a relative that you felt close to no matter who they are. I remember feeling devastated when I lost my uncle, all his nieces and nephews adored him and felt the same. I gave a speech at his funeral. Only recently I discovered that this speech really touched the vicar who himself was an uncle but not a farther. It made him realise how important his uncle role was.

OnTheBottomWithAWomensWeekly Sat 31-Aug-13 23:08:35

I'm amazed you think they wouldn't be prescriptive about what constitutes a family. Otherwise you'd get people taking days off for their second cousins girlfriends stepsisters aunties funeral.

It's a business, not a charity. Thats what your leave is for.

FreeWee Sat 31-Aug-13 23:19:44

quoteunquote that sounds like a supportive policy. I'm a firm believer that if you care about somebody enough to be prepared to go to their funeral (sounds weirdly worded but I hate funerals and have to brace myself for them) then you should be shown some compassion for your loss and get compassionate leave.

Having said that evil wretches who lie about going to a funeral when really they just want a day off give honest grieving people a bad name and should be hauled over the coals if discovered What sick bastard lies about someone's death?

OP I'm sorry for your loss and if you feel you were close to your uncle then I'd have given you compassionate leave sod HR bloody policy

Lethologica Sat 31-Aug-13 23:26:52

I am very sorry for your loss and, of course, I think that an Uncle is a close relative but I still think you are unreasonable to expect to be paid.
I would just take the day as annual leave.

I hope everything goes well next week. thanks

BackforGood Sat 31-Aug-13 23:34:45

Sorry for your loss
I agree with most other people on here. An Uncle might be close to you, or might not, but in terms of allowing compassionate leave, there has to be a line drawn and that is usually parents, grandparents, siblings, spouse and children.
It's not so bad for people who can take Annual leave, but becomes more difficult if you are in a job like teaching and don't have that option. sad

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