AIBU to expect that chivalry shouldn't be dead?!(29 Posts)
I really need to have a good old rant! Yesterday I had a tyre blow out while I was on the M62 motorway. It was scary. As I had my lively 7 year old on board I didn't want to take my chances on the hard shoulder so I made it to the next exit and the first safe place I could stop was Polar Ford, Castleford. What luck! This is the dealership where I bought my car and where I take it for any work it needs because I have a Ford service plan.
I went to the service desk to ask if anyone could help me. I wasn't expecting the help would be free. I would gladly have paid for a new tyre or the time it would have taken to fit the spare.
There were several staff at the service desk but I was told no help was available as "they start knocking off at 5.30". Presumably "they" were the mechanics. The time then was 5.40pm and the Service Department was open until 6pm. I was informed that the car park would be locked at 7.30pm.
I was a woman who had a 7 year old child to care for, who had just had a frightening experience and I was stranded 20 miles from home so this response was a bit upsetting.
My parents travelled from home to collect my son and I waited for two hours for the AA to attend and change my tyre. I did try to do this myself but neither I nor my father could loosen the wheel nuts. We were struggling to do this in a Polar Ford car park but no help was forthcoming.
The only happy note is that although the Service Department "start knocking off at 5.30"; the Sales Department appears to be open until 7pm. This meant that I wasn't bored while I was waiting for the AA because I was able to talk to a few prospective customers about Polar Ford after sales service.
AIBU to expect that chivalry shouldn't be dead? Or that customer service should be better than this?
Rant over, sorry.
I always stop if I see a woman in trouble. Must have pushed dozens of cars off busy roads, and changed a few tyres.
Am I enabling patheticness - dunno. Meh.
Just think it could be my DP/DM/DD one day, and I'd want someone to help them.
And yes, I would expect my DS to be able to sort himself out. Funny thing, attitudes.
That must have been really scary. I dread having a tyre blow out. I think they could have been more compassionate, yes.
Sorry if this is obvious, but did you try stamping on it rather than using your hands? The first time I had to deal with a flat on my own, my next-door neighbour came out, saw me struggling, and demonstrated that if he put his weight onto the wrench with one foot and then gave it a bit of a stamp, it could be loosened even when neither of us could manage just using the strength of our arms. So long as the car is on a flat bit of road, this should be fine, though obviously do it before you jack up!
What's wrong with people these days?! Isn't it just about kindness and decency? When I saw a woman struggling to get a pushchair and two small children up a flight of steps recently I didn't pretend I hadn't seen her. I stopped to help. It took less than a minute. Helping in this situation would probably have taken less than 10 minutes.
I used to work for Greenflag and we were told that if a woman alone called in to say she'd broken down we had to make a note of it so that she could be given priority. I have to say, I did wonder why. Surely a woman is capable of waiting on her own for a few hours and even in a "bad area" the chances of anything happening to her due to her femininity would be virtually zero, in fact I'd go so far to say that a man would be equally as risk as a woman. Outdated nonsense, imho
I live in a country where men give up their seats to me on the train, just because I'm a woman (and not old, not pregnant-looking). And I loves it, I does.
I don't think YABU necessarily - if they 'start' to knock off at 5.30 then presumably some of them are still around at 5.40 to help at least unscrew the bolts so that you could finish off changing the tyre.
onetiredmummy, you make a really good point about the Ford service plan. It does include breakdown assistance but like a fool I phoned the AA instead of the service plan number and therefore missed the opportunity to ask for assistance - giving my location as a Ford dealership! Doh! again!
You were not unreasonable to expect some help my dad would never watch someone struggle male of female its nothing to do with gender, its to do with helping someone in need ffs how did we get like this
I think people are right that chivalry shouldn't be a gendered thing. Perhaps it was the wrong word to use. It would just have been nice to have some help.
beastofburden, no they didn't let us wait inside. We sat in the car.
SilverApples, my 7 year old has special needs so he's not into technology but he did notice our conumdrum as we sat in car and I kept saying please shut the door, please shut the door.... again and again and again........
Nancy66, I CAN change a tyre. I got the spare and the jack out of the car and had a go. I just couldn't get the wheel nuts loose.
This thread has been quite helpful because I was going to write to the dealership manager to say that I was disappointed but I'm not going to bother because the view of quite a few people on here is that I am being unreasonable.
I've never had to change a tyre ever, I've been lucky enough that if I've had a flat tyre a man will usually stop and help me. But perhaps men have had their help thrown back in their faces too many times to help now
'I was a woman who had a 7 year old child to care for'
I thought that was quite funnt TBH, most 7 year olds would not notice the Apocalypse occurring around them if they had a bit of technology in their paws.
a decent human would have helped you even if it ment being abit late getting home or not.
it would not have taken more then 10 minutes.
It would have been nice if they had made you a cup of tea and rung the AA for you, and said, make yourself comfy in the sales bit till they come.
But, sorry, I don't see why the mechanics should suddenly have to offer an out of hours service.
As for the female thing, not letting you wait indoors somewhere safe for you and your DC would be relevant to your gender I think, but they did let you inside. Your father couldn't undo the nuts either, so it's not a girly thing that you couldn't do the tyre.
Sorry, YABU to make this about chivalry.
Lack of manners and bad service, but why do you expect to be treated differently because you are female? Your dh would have been treated the same way and may have had a dc with him.
My dh refuses to hold doors open for females now as he got an ear bashing last time, and asked if he would have done it for a male. He said he would have done, especially if he had his hands full as this woman had. Sometimes your damned if you do and damned if you don't. The woman was a teacher at school and lots of dc were around including our own.
I agree with Tyler. It's more a matter of politeness to say hold open a door for someone. and a matter of being a decent human being to help those in need, I'd expect my DP to try and help someone struggling to change their wheel, same as i'd help my elderly neighbour to carry her shopping in from the car.
Chivalry is perhaps the wrong word. Compassion maybe?
Customer service might describe it better. You bought the car from them so you would have thought someone there might have thought it would be a nice thing to do to help you out. It would only have taken them ten minutes.
Yes it would have been nice for someone to help you, but if some mechanics had gone home as per their working hours at 5:30 & the ones that are left are struggling to complete their daily work with only 30 minutes to go and perhaps they have targets to meet, then I can understand them not downing tools to help you out.
Does your Ford service plan say that they have a duty to assist you at any time (not being sarcastic, I genuinely don't know) or if your car needs to work do you have to phone them & book it in for a certain time. Is it reasonable for you to turn up & expect them to help you at the drop of a hat? Your child is 7, that's not that small & a 7 yo would be able to wait for the recovery service.
YABU to expect the staff to stay at work & not 'knock off' at their usual times just because you happened to drop in needing help. But YANBU to hope that somebody may have helped you.
I was a woman who had a 7 year old child to care for
Your gender has nothing to do with it.
I can change a tyre Nancy, but not when some bugger has tightened the nuts with a powered gadget.
It wasn't really bad customer service. There were no mechanics available and they probably have all sorts of rules about unqualified staff doing any sort of work on a car. If it was fitted wrongly then they could be in serious trouble.
You were quite out of order if you put other potential customers off buying because they couldn't sort your car out at the drop of a hat.
Ignore that first sentence - DD talking to me while I'm trying to type = nonsense. What you got was a lack of manners AND poor service is what I meant to say
I think chivalry should be promoted.
I just don't think it should be gendered.
I like manners from a bloke (in fact, I like manners from everyone) and I hate poor customer service. What you got there was both.
Chalk it down to a crap experience, don't buy from them again, and thank goodness for the AA
Learn to change a tyre - that's not me being sarky. It's easy and invaluable.
It would have been nice if they helped out, but they didn't.
FWIW, I had some lovely support from a local Ford garage when we were on our way home and the thermostat/water blew.
It was very late on a freezing winter's night, my DD was 3 and the lone member of staff made us both hot chocolate and kindly shared his biscuits.
I was driving a crap B reg VW.
It's not the organisations, it's the individual people.
Bad customer service, definitely, but that has nothing to do with chivalry! Expecting men to be 'chivalrous' just because you are a woman is a very outdated view.
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