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or is this harrassment?

(86 Posts)
WillIEverBeFree Thu 29-Aug-13 21:05:49

Reg under NC, think footballer and dentistry.

I have a restraining order against my ex. I now find out he is having my neighbour spy on me and report every visitor, every car complete with make, model and registration that parks on my drive and every single word I say to anyone.

This has just floored me. For the past 5 weeks, every single move I make has been monitored and reported to my ex. He even knows that my fucking bin was not emptied and why - even I don't know that! (it was the recycling one).

The police don't want to know. I'm fucking angry, feeling vengeful and possibly a tiny bit scared. And probably BU. But hey. Give me your thoughts MN, please.

Toadinthehole Tue 03-Sep-13 07:36:15

Are you in touch with the woman who threw your ex out? Will she give details of what your ex told your neighbour to do? Have you mentioned her to your solicitor?

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 02-Sep-13 23:29:38

There are a few possible answers dependant on a few things.

If its a none mol issues under the family law act then its quite likely to be a breach as long as it contains words to the effect of...... Not cause alarm or distress or incite or encourage a third party to do so.

Its unlikely to currently be a breach if its a cps obtained one (usually made as a result of a criminal DV trial during the sentencing) but if it is one of these its fairly easy to get behaviour like that prevented in future

ZillionChocolate Mon 02-Sep-13 22:43:56

Good news that he's a council tenant. Make sure you take along any documents to the meeting. If you can work out a diary of what's been going on, that might help you explain it all and not miss anything out. Good luck with it.

WillIEverBeFree Mon 02-Sep-13 21:46:40

Thank you again Eldritch.

WillIEverBeFree Mon 02-Sep-13 21:45:05

Zillion neighbour is council tenant, same as me.

WillIEverBeFree Mon 02-Sep-13 21:44:07

I am seeing the council on Wednesday and intend to ask if they can support me in a case for harassment.

Really don't want to move AGAIN but I think I will have to consider it.

How naive of me to think his conviction was the end of it. It's only the beginning. In the meantime his children are suffering, one is in a hostel with him and the other is with ex's parents.

Maybe I should do the decent thing and move so...

I won't but that's how it makes me feel.

ZillionChocolate Mon 02-Sep-13 07:16:23

Do you know whether nosy neighbour rents or owns? Maybe hold off sending the letter until you've spoken to the Council.

TartanRug Mon 02-Sep-13 06:00:31

This is horrible OP. My ex got his two brothers to stand outside my house staring through my living room window every night for a week. Its scary and you must feel sick about it. sad

EldritchCleavage Sun 01-Sep-13 23:17:39

OK, it's sent. Tomorrow is another day OP, and just remember we're all rooting for you.

WillIEverBeFree Sun 01-Sep-13 23:11:44

Am going to try to sleep. Thank you all again for your help x

WillIEverBeFree Sun 01-Sep-13 23:09:13

Don't worry, please, it's very kind of you.

Tbh I have had enough today. Had conf that ex put neighbour up to the complaint to get me out and him back in.

Sorry, very low indeed. He is going to win I think.

EldritchCleavage Sun 01-Sep-13 23:04:21

Oh hell I must have done something wrong, DC were all over me as I typed. I'll redo it.

WillIEverBeFree Sun 01-Sep-13 22:52:49

Eldritch sorry no, did not get pm.

WafflyVersatile Sun 01-Sep-13 21:31:48

If you have a bog standard 5 lever mortice lock then you can easily slip it out and replace it with another. (or take it to the lock shop and get them to match it) Keep the old lock in a cupboard and swap back when necessary.

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 01-Sep-13 20:56:55

Second MissFenella. I changed the locks knowing I wasn't really meant to. Unofficially advised it is ok in the reasons Miss has stated. Get safe first, argue the toss, if you have to later. If the police aren't interested in your stalking, hard to believe anyone will care about the locks.

EldritchCleavage Sun 01-Sep-13 20:46:18

WillI did you get my PM? Was it any use to you?

MissFenella Sun 01-Sep-13 20:31:27

Find a time when you have a day off and break your key in the lock/lose your keys and then you can get a new lock fitted.

Mia4 Sun 01-Sep-13 10:28:56

Also, nots ure if this helps:

Mia4 Sun 01-Sep-13 10:06:59

WillIEverBeFree Did your nice neighbour say why this other neighbour was spying for your ex? Is she/he a complete cunt and shuitty or have they been given a lot of manipulative and sobbing stories that make them sympathetic?

Either way, you need to keep the police in the loop about his all and record everything. Ask your nice neighbour if she's okay with you naming her to the police as a witness to what the other neighbour is doing for your shitty ex.

You may not be able to 'change' the locks OP but if he can't approach anyway then I'd install another deadbolt-which you only have the key for. I don't know what area you are in but what about citizens Advice? Or is there any services near you that can advise?

carabos Sat 31-Aug-13 22:58:05

Will do you have a car? If you do, get someone to check it over. My friend's STBXH fitted a tracking device to her car via the satnav so he could check up where she had been.

Toadinthehole Sat 31-Aug-13 22:33:01


I imagine that acts which are in general legal (e.g. watching etc) are nevertheless prohibited if (and this is the crucial bit) the person against whom the order is made incites them to be done. It depends on the precise wording of the order but I suppose if I had reason to believe that my tormenter was getting people to spy on me, I'd be looking or some sort of evidence connecting them to him (either directly or by inference).

WillIEverBeFree Sat 31-Aug-13 21:38:56

Yourhand it seems likely the way he's shagging about grin

I can't even change my locks as he is still on the tenancy! Grrr that's nuts, there is a restraining order preventing him coming to this address!

YourHandInMyHand Sat 31-Aug-13 21:29:38

It's harassment in my book! I hope he gets his comeuppance soon OP.

I shall also keep my fingers crossed that his penis rots and falls off. wink

WillIEverBeFree Sat 31-Aug-13 21:20:03

It gives him information that he can use to harass me further IYSWIM. It is however rather borderline - he knows what he is doing.

WillIEverBeFree Sat 31-Aug-13 21:18:21

It is when he tells my ex about it I think coco.

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