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or is this harrassment?

(86 Posts)
WillIEverBeFree Thu 29-Aug-13 21:05:49

Reg under NC, think footballer and dentistry.

I have a restraining order against my ex. I now find out he is having my neighbour spy on me and report every visitor, every car complete with make, model and registration that parks on my drive and every single word I say to anyone.

This has just floored me. For the past 5 weeks, every single move I make has been monitored and reported to my ex. He even knows that my fucking bin was not emptied and why - even I don't know that! (it was the recycling one).

The police don't want to know. I'm fucking angry, feeling vengeful and possibly a tiny bit scared. And probably BU. But hey. Give me your thoughts MN, please.

EldritchCleavage Fri 30-Aug-13 14:13:58

Neighbour is guilty of harassment, and is facilitating further harassment of you by ex. You could get an injunction against both in civil court (assuming your source would provide a witness statement for you).

Don't let anyone (especially cops, who fob people off a lot over stuff like this) tell you that it isn't harassment because ex is not in contact and neighbour is not doing anything to you directly. It certainly is. Google the case of Howlett v Holding.

WillIEverBeFree Fri 30-Aug-13 14:22:23

Thanks eldritch. As I understand it then I would have to report the neighbour then? Aren't the police just going to laugh? After all it could just look like telling tales. Will google that case now.

EldritchCleavage Fri 30-Aug-13 14:27:07

Either report to police and/or see a solicitor about a civil case of harassment. It may be enough to frighten your neighbour off for him to get a letter from a solicitor saying this is harassment and must stop.

WillIEverBeFree Fri 30-Aug-13 14:31:11

This is where it gets sticky as I don't have money circa solicitor. I'm wondering if telling my neighbour that his actions constitute harassment would be enough. He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

EldritchCleavage Fri 30-Aug-13 14:31:59

If you need help with a letter, PM me.

PenguinBear Fri 30-Aug-13 14:40:07

You poor thing op, sounds horrendous. Could the ex GF back you up if you went to the police?

AFishWithoutABicycle Fri 30-Aug-13 14:46:29

Write an official looking letter stating that your are treating his/her behaviour as harassment send it next door by registered post saying you have retained a copy and it is with your solicitor etc etc
It Will mean f all but might scare them into not being such a wank.

oscarwilde Fri 30-Aug-13 14:48:44

Your Ex must be a complete nutter. My sympathies. Hopefully with Eldritch's help you can nip it in the bud now.
While you go through the correct channels could you have some fun with it by behaving as eccentrically as possible? I'm sure we could come up with a few suggestions grin

minibmw2010 Fri 30-Aug-13 14:48:45

Tell your neighbour that you are aware what they are up to. That should put a spoke in his wheels for a while ...

WillIEverBeFree Fri 30-Aug-13 15:44:39

Interesting development. Just opened a letter from the council. It says there have been noise complaints

I rang and asked what noise and when. I explained that my ex no longer lived here and about my problems. As soon as I explained about the neighbour, he said Ah. That explains a lot.

Coming to see me next week.

Looks like genius boy is having another go.

WillIEverBeFree Fri 30-Aug-13 15:46:17

Yes my ex is unhinged.

So should I speak to neighbour or write? Just want to get on with everyone really. I don't need this.

WillIEverBeFree Fri 30-Aug-13 15:47:32

Oscar, I had considered some kind of performance just for kicks, but it's getting too serious now sad

YouTheCat Fri 30-Aug-13 15:51:17

Don't speak to the neighbour and let the council deal with some of this.

If this erroneous complaint has come from the neighbour then it will all be logged and you can report him for harassment.

UnicornsNotRiddenByGrownUps Fri 30-Aug-13 16:05:18

Your poor thing. What a fucking wanker. Can you go and speak to domestic violence unit? I don't know much but can listen sad

oscarwilde Fri 30-Aug-13 16:15:02

Am I understanding correctly that the snooping neighbour has been kicked out by his girlfriend? So is no longer in a place to continue monitoring you?

I agree with YoutheCat. The council usually takes malicious time wasting pretty seriously. They'll probably be more effective than the police grin Definitely contact the DV unit though. Two visits from officialdom should be enough to get MrSnoopy to sod off.

I still think you should have some fun in the meantime though racks her brains to come up with something imaginative which can't be used against you in upcoming divorce battle or similar

WillIEverBeFree Fri 30-Aug-13 16:18:33

I'm not sure the DV unit can do much, and tbh I didn't find them much help when he was charged/convicted either. The best help and advice was on MN actually! There's some proper superstars here smile

WillIEverBeFree Fri 30-Aug-13 16:20:48

No sorry Oscar, ex p has been kicked out by gf - that's how I found all this out as she has now been on the receiving end of his nasty side. So she decided to tell all. Neighbour still here.

WillIEverBeFree Fri 30-Aug-13 16:23:40

Council chap was very sympathetic and told me not to worry.

I am in contact as well with the mum of his 2 boys. She wants him stopped as well, he had her watched when they split up. It's all so familiar, if I only knew then...

oscarwilde Fri 30-Aug-13 16:32:09

Must be tempting to collect every snail you can find for 10 miles and drop them off in his veg patch..
Presumably he's not of a generation that tweets?
#WillIEverBeFree - Off upstairs for a poo, I feel a monster No 2 on the way. Back in 5 #MrSnoopy

oscarwilde Fri 30-Aug-13 16:34:15

Sorry - I am being flip. It must be truly quite scary and very creepy. I'm sure it's a very bad idea to approach your neighbour but I'd probably let him know verbally that his watching of your movements has been reported to the Domestic Violence Unit who are monitoring your case. That way he's in no doubt that your ex is not a nutter of the highest order.

SolidGoldBrass Sat 31-Aug-13 02:06:53

Is this contemptible man stalking his other former partners as well? I think there may be some sort of level of cumulative anti-social behaviour that might lead to him being put under some sort of restraint and/or imprisoned.

SolidGoldBrass Sat 31-Aug-13 02:13:22

meant to add: almost any type of behaviour can legally be harassment if it's unwanted. Leaving flowers on someone's doorstep may be a romantic gesture if it's welcomed by the recipient, but if it's unwelcome and repeated, it's harassment.

WafflyVersatile Sat 31-Aug-13 02:32:44

If the police or council can't sort it out then I'd send a cease and desist letter to your neighbour saying any further instances of x,y,z will be considered harassment and reported to the relevant authorities.

Are you sure it was the neighbour and not your ex hanging around, but telling his latest ex that it was the neighbour because to say otherwise would be to admit breaching the order?

Toadinthehole Sat 31-Aug-13 07:25:06

I was granted a restraining order a couple of years ago (not domestic, was to do with work). The order (as per legislative requirements, but this was not UK) prohibited any contact through third parties and any incitement to third parties to carry out acts of harassment.

I assume you're in some part of the UK. I would be astonished if the law was different there.

Toadinthehole Sat 31-Aug-13 07:35:04

Out of curiosity, what act are restraining orders made under?

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