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To wonder how having two kids is easier than one?

(229 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Thu 29-Aug-13 19:31:06

My friends tell me that two children is easier than one because they play together. I only have one and I find it really hard work. I do want another in the future but worry I won't cope.
It sounds a lot harder logistically and financially.I think it is lovely to have more than one but then I love the lifestyle I have with one. I am in no position to procreate anyway atm as am single and this is purely hypothetical. Thought I posted this thread earlier but I lost it!

Nomnew Thu 29-Aug-13 20:04:18

Well I tell you one thing. I don't think I ever raised my voice at my pfb until I had two. My DM always told me she admired the fact I had never shouted at her. And my DD1 is a very difficult/demanding child

Things soon changed after I had two. I'm still not very shouty but I have lost my patience/temper on occasion and I sob in front of them (a lot)

maybe3x Thu 29-Aug-13 20:07:44

I've got a 2yr 9m gap and would say it's harder at first in that you have to juggle more but easier in that you're more laid back plus I had 1 starting preschool as no2 born so that was easier. As they've grown they generally get on and play together although obviously have squabbles, now 7&4 I've had days this holiday where they've played for hours together its been great smile

Wuldric Thu 29-Aug-13 20:08:05

My experience is that having two children is more than twice the work of one. Before I had DC2, I did recognise that it would be more work but I naively thought that there would be some economies of scale, such that there would be maybe 1.5 times the work. It's more like 2.5 times the work tbh

The reason is that people will offer to have one child but the offers for two come far less frequently. Also you have to manage both all the time, and tots are prone to finding new and innovative ways of self-harming. You dive in the pool after one child who has decided to divest itself of all floaty paraphernalia and jump in. Meanwhile the other one runs off into a busy street ... Finally you have to manage (referee) the interaction between the two. Generally to stop one of them being killed.

If I'd known what I was letting myself in for, I'd never have done it, but I'm glad I did smile

As to when it stops being hard work, I reckon that happens when they leave home.

bigkidsdidit Thu 29-Aug-13 20:09:31

I am new to two, having a 2.7yo and a 9 week old. It's ok in that I'm more confident this time. But bath / bedtimes are a nightmare and I dread them all day. DS1 doesn't get enough cuddles either as DS2 is aleays in the sling and I am sad about that sad

I remember when DH went away for a night when DS1 was 6 weeks ish and I was so anxious. This time je took DS1 away for a weekend and I was left with DS2 alone and it was like a holiday grin

Perhaps it is easier when they are 10 and 8? Certainly, certainly not now.

Thepowerof3 Thu 29-Aug-13 20:13:38

It'll get easier so quickly, don't forgot how recently you had a baby and how that affects your emotions. How ever many children you have you'll find something to feel guilty about, at least it shows you care

BreasticlesNTesticles Thu 29-Aug-13 20:15:44

Mine are 2 & 3 and I find having them together much easier. They play together, laugh together, and generally have fun. It does help that DD2 is very relaxed and ignores the incessant orders from DD1.

I am also fairly strict with them, use the 123 step when I have to, but am under no illusion a lot of it is down to luck that they have personalities that are very compatible.

Am currently expecting dc3 and I am expecting this to be the difficult one smile

BreasticlesNTesticles Thu 29-Aug-13 20:16:42

Sorry should also have said, I don't have the time to worry with two like I did with one, and for me that has helped me relax a lot.

Lweji Thu 29-Aug-13 20:18:29

It depends on the second.

Both my siblings have two children and the second child can be very demanding as they are risk takers.

But I'd agree that siblings entertain each other more (although also cause more disruption with fights) and the younger often learns lots of things from the eldest.

furbaby Thu 29-Aug-13 20:26:54

Only had one child as we could, nt afford more but our dd has produced 3 beautiful dgc .....
she said going from 1 to 2 was fine and they play together well but going from 2 to 3 is something else sad
If she has 2 children with her (any 2 ) all is well but with 3 all they ever do is fight sad
She would never regret having her 3rd child but don, t think she ever realised how tough it would be .

teenagetantrums Thu 29-Aug-13 20:30:04

I think Its easier mine are teenagers now, they are 2.8 years apart. So oldest was toilet trained sleeping through when youngest arrived. Yes the did fight and argue when they were younger but they always had someone to play with on holiday and on days at home. They are quite close now they are older, my son looks out for daughter they do not spend much time together but they have each other if need be.

paperlantern Thu 29-Aug-13 20:33:44

bollocks!!! one is a hell of a lot easier

but my second has sen so that has an impact too

furbaby Thu 29-Aug-13 20:37:29

Can also understand Wuldric,s point about others looking after your 1 child but harder if you have more .
With our only child we had loads of adult time with her with family and friends .
I would be happy to have dgc for weekend together to give her and her partner adult time but dgc like time alone with us to we are getting ready for weekend with youngest dgc as last 2 weeks the other 2 have enjoyed a weekend solo with nanny and grandad .
mind you it will be nice and peaceful weekend after next when we have had them all and can have a lie in smile

Therealamandaclarke Thu 29-Aug-13 20:38:13

I am blessed to have two. They are adorable. I am utterly smitten.
Having two is almost exactly fixty six times the "work" of having one.
The eldest is not yet three yo so I'm hoping things level out when they can play together.

VerySmallSqueak Thu 29-Aug-13 20:42:34

It is harder work having two.
Significantly harder.

Layl77 Thu 29-Aug-13 20:46:46

I'd agree, for whatever reason Ive always found it easier having two even from newborn. Think one hit me as such a shock and by no#2 I knew to follow instincts and relax a bit. They play together now and love each others company.
Of course logistically it's more difficult but you just find yourself being more organised, DC2 seemed to live in a sling for 6m then crawled and became a playmate for DC1

PoppyAmex Thu 29-Aug-13 20:53:06

Oh shit.

DD is 17 months and I'm about to have another child.

I'm officially panicking.

Maryann1975 Thu 29-Aug-13 20:56:37

I've got three dc. The hardest was going from one child to two. It is such a difference, but I don't believe it was double the work. Having three dc is hard work, but Hoovering, dusting, cooking, it isn't three times as much work because there are 3. The hardest thing is trying to listen to them all at the same time. They all seem to need my attention at exactly the same time, usually after no one has wanted anything for ages. I always wonder what it would be like with only one child and how I would spend my extra time, but I guess if there was only one dc, I wouldn't know any different and would just spend longer doing all the jobs instead of always rushing.

WheresMeJumperOhNo Thu 29-Aug-13 21:02:20

From my experience I find having two easier. You become less obsessive PFB about things when you have another baby which I think benefitted my DS1!
There is a four year age gap between the two of them so I haven't juggled a newborn and a toddler which does sound hard.
I found people really wanted to "help" me more when DS2 arrived, and I already had a good network of friends with children at that point which I didn't have before I had DS1.

Now having DC3 and I'm 100% this baby will not make life easier at all grin

RobinSparkles Thu 29-Aug-13 21:08:49

I love having two. They play lovely together - but they also fight and they tell tales... a lot.

If you have a big age gap then they won't really play together because they'll be into different things but otoh the older one will be a bit more independent, which is also good as you won't have two babies crying at the same time etc.

Mine are 3 years and 9 months apart which, to some people, is quite big but they do play together and strangely they like a lot of the same toys and programmes/films.

I think 2 is great. I can't understand why people have more though - I have two hands to hold two children's hands. How would I catch a third?! grin

<<I am kidding, I can totally understand why people have more children. Sometimes.>>

LondonMother Thu 29-Aug-13 21:24:02

I have two and they're now grown up. The age gap is 19 months. The first three years of having two were the hardest work I've ever done, not least because of the lack of sleep, but it was so worth it. They get on really well and from quite early on they did keep each other company, even though they did fight and bicker a lot as well in the early years. Obviously there are other ways to learn those essential social skills of sharing, not always being no.1 etc etc, but for most of us the family is where it starts. Having one child would have been great too if that's how things had panned out, but having two has been just wonderful. I remember thinking not long before my son was born that I loved my daughter so much I just couldn't imagine how I could find room in my heart for another child, but of course the love you have for your children isn't finite, it grows according to need and from the first hour he was born he was the other apple of my eye.

If all goes according to plan they will both graduate in two years' time (daughter had a gap year and is doing a 4-year degree, son had no gap year and is doing a 3-year degree). I am so proud of both of them.

fedupofpoo Thu 29-Aug-13 21:27:50

I agree,much easier 2.2 years between my first 2,they play together very well.when DD(5) started school last year DS(3) was lost,didn't know what to do with himself.I have friends with only one and find the demands for attention exausting!

adie3 Thu 29-Aug-13 21:58:23

I have 5 children and totally agree that it is the age gaps that make the big difference. Dd3, dd4 and dd5 were all under 2.5yrs and we're really only getting out the other side now they are 5,3 and 2.5. They do play well together and I wouldn't change it but the exhaustion and constantness(is that a word?) nearly went for us!! Ds1 and dd1 had 18 months between them and that seemed fine to us. Then we had a 3 yr gap between these 2 and the 3younger ones. Mind you still all a bit of a blur with 5 under 7 at one stage. Certainly they have got louder as they have come along, I presume the younger ones have to shout to be heard in our house!!

impecuniousmarmoset Thu 29-Aug-13 21:59:15

If you're lucky, they play together and entertain each other much better than a parent could ever manage. Mine are 3 and 5. The 5-year-old ignored her brother, considering him no more than an irritating source of noise and mess, until he was well over 2, but since he's walking, talking and able to play, they've become completely inseparable. I'm aware I'm lucky - they are very different personalities but complement each other well - but for me, having 2 is now waaaay easier than what I'd imagine having just a single 5-year-old would be. Having said that, it's also nice spending time with just the one of them occasionally, especially if a trip into town or suchlike is needed, as the logistics are so much more straightfoward.

DC3 is due early next year, so that will obviously throw the cat amongst the pigeons!

idiuntno57 Thu 29-Aug-13 22:01:58

I think in terms of housework etc. every child added squares the amount of work. In terms of entertainment more comes into its own as they play with each other.

I have x4 - 8yrs. Laundry, cooking and cleaning is endless but the kids have a ball together.

idiuntno57 Thu 29-Aug-13 22:02:24

sorry should read 4-8yrs

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