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AIBU to still be cross even if DH says it was a mistake?

(69 Posts)
ShadeofViolet Tue 27-Aug-13 15:07:01

DH and I have been overpaying off our mortgage in the hope that we can be mortgage free by the time I am 40.

Last summer I overpaid £5000 which I had saved up in the previous year, it was hard work but I though we had the common goal. Mortgage overpaying was his idea. I asked DH to call the mortgage company to tell them we didn't want to change the payment amount. He said he had. Its his mortgage so I cant do it.

Got the statement this morning and he has not done it, he has been paying less each month so my overpayment was for nothing. When I asked him why he lied he told me that he did it to stop him nagging.

We havent rowed about it, but I am pretty annoyed. He says its a mistake and therefore I cant be mad.

AIBU. I am prepared to be told I am petty and I probably am, but TBH I am annoyed.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Tue 27-Aug-13 15:17:07

Why didn't you pay your money off of your mortgage?

ShadeofViolet Tue 27-Aug-13 15:17:27

I do overpay my own mortgage, by a fixed amount each month.

We focused on the bigger mortgage because our rate went up.

I always thought I could trust DH with money. He works in finance sad

ShadeofViolet Tue 27-Aug-13 15:18:27

Fuck it. I have another £1500 to overpay and I am going to put it towards my own mortgage.

HappyMummyOfOne Tue 27-Aug-13 15:19:36

Im confused, you saved up £5000 from your own income to make the payment but then he lowered the monthly amount? How could he have done that bar going interest only or extending the term?

Or do you mean you saved from his salary the £5k and he decided not to put it on the mortgage?

It doesnt sound like a common goal tbh especially givem you state you want it laid off by the time you are 40.

Is there a reason its in his name only?

SarahAndFuck Tue 27-Aug-13 15:20:13

How can it be a mistake if he says he did it to stop you nagging?

That's doing it on purpose and lying to you.

sparechange Tue 27-Aug-13 15:20:19

So after you paid the lump sum, the bank adjusted the monthly payments so they were smaller?
That is outrageous, and no way a mistake. He needs to now 'overpay' to bring the balance back to where it should be.
Julia, it isn't as simple as just adding a name to an account.
The mortgage company will only add an extra name if they are on the Land Registry deeds, and if you add someone to the deeds, at the very least you have to pay a solicitor to do it, and at most, you have to pay stamp duty

ShadeofViolet Tue 27-Aug-13 15:21:39

The mortgage provider (Bank of Ireland) automatically changed the payment amount when I made the overpayment. All he needed to do was ring them and tell them that he wanted the payments to stay the same. He said he had, but he did not.

TheOrchardKeeper Tue 27-Aug-13 15:22:08

And so you should shade . Good idea.

I'd be in no rush to help him overpay a mortgage I'm not on in the future! hmm

Murtette Tue 27-Aug-13 15:22:14

Actually, now you've explained it, I can see how it happened. When we paid off a (small) chunk of our mortgage, they immediately reduced the monthly amount. They sent us a letter confirming that this is what they were going to do so I was able to call them & change it. If the DD from my account had just gone down by a small amount, I may not have noticed, may not have made the connection with the overpayment & may well have meant to call them & not got around to it. Despite that, I don't think you're BU to be cross as I would be.
I am also concerned about the names on mortgages thing. So you have responsibility for "your" mortgage on "your" house (which you will presumably own outright one day) but you both have responsibility for "his" mortgage (which he will presumably own outright one day). Which is the more valuable property? How much is the mortgage on each & what is the remaining term?

Dahlen Tue 27-Aug-13 15:23:29

Let me see if I've got this straight:
Between Summer 2011 and Summer 2012, your DH overpaid £5000 on his mortgage with money you provided.

As a result of this, the mortgage payments reduced in Summer 2012.

In Summer 2013 you discovered this and realised that a year's worth of reduced payments has meant that the £5000 you overpaid in 2011/2012 has been wiped out and you are at the same point you would have been had the mortgage payments remained the usual amount between Summer 2011 and present day.

In effect, this means that you subsidised his mortgage payments in 2012/2013 as well as paying your own.

Are the mortgages and equity values in your respective houses of equal value?

ShadeofViolet Tue 27-Aug-13 15:23:49

When we purchased this house, we signed a document with our solicitor that the house was joint property even with just DH's name on the mortgage.

HappyMummyOfOne Tue 27-Aug-13 15:25:55

So you both have your own mortgage that you each pay? Why not sell and put any profit made onto the exisiting mortgage on the house you live in?

Both properties should be in joint names if you are married, does he help pay for the other one or get the rental from it? The house you both live in is a cost to you both presumably and not his alone to pay for likewise yours?

ShadeofViolet Tue 27-Aug-13 15:26:30

Dahlen - thats exactly right, although I paid the overpayment directly to the mortgage provider with the bank account number and sort code we have always used before.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Tue 27-Aug-13 15:27:10

Effectively he has stolen £5000 from you, if I understand the overpayment/payment reduction system properly (I don't have a mortgage). That would have me in an absolute RAGE to be honest. It's not a mistake; he deliberately withheld this information from you to cover up his poor financial management.

Squitten Tue 27-Aug-13 15:28:53

Could you calculate the total that he has underpaid over the period and then he can give that to you so you can put it on your mortgage? I know it doesn't help with interest but might make it feel less of a loss.

Your mortgage arrangements sounds very complex though!

HotCrossPun Tue 27-Aug-13 15:29:03

Cross? I'd be absolutely livid.

A lot more info needed OP. Where has the money gone?

Viviennemary Tue 27-Aug-13 15:31:32

Ask him for your £5000 back. What a cheek. And use it towards your own mortgage.

HotCrossPun Tue 27-Aug-13 15:32:55

Cross post with everybody!

LittleWhiteWolf Tue 27-Aug-13 15:34:35

If I were you I certainly wouldn't do it again. Put any money you get onto your own property.
It may have slipped his mind to ring the mortgage company...or he may have been a sneaky shit. Either way keeping it from you for so long is definitely not on.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Tue 27-Aug-13 15:35:00

Shade - that can't be right.

If his mortgage payments have only reduced by £45 per month for about a year, his mortage will still be a lot lower than if you hadn't paid the lump sum.

You need to work out what it would have been if he had made the change when he should have (online calculator will work it out for you) and tell him he has to make that up now and keep it at the rate he was paying before - as a bare minimum.

Why didn't you go on the mortgage?

From now on, I'd pay anything off of your own mortgage, even though his is the one with the higher rate of interest. It seems he's very keen for YOU to overpay HIS mortgage, but isn't doing the same himself hmm

Dahlen Tue 27-Aug-13 15:35:31

OK, so it's not like he ran away with £5000 that he's secretly spent on gambling or something. I can see how this happened without there being a sinister motive behind it.

I'd still be livid though. He can't possibly claim it was a genuine oversight because you asked him so many times he eventually lied to stop you from "nagging". That's not meaning to get round to it and forgetting. That's being lazy and compounding it by deliberately tuning out your perfectly reasonable reminders.

The fact that you are married should mean that whoever's names are on the mortgages doesn't make that much difference. They will all be marital assets even though yours was yours from before your marriage. However, in the event of a divorce (not that I'm suggesting you're heading that way) a house each could mean that a judge feels a fair split is for you to hang on to your house while your DH hangs on to the marital home - meaning you both have a home each. That's why it matters how much mortgage is left, the value and equity of each property, etc. If your mortgage is nearly cleared but you've also made significant overpayments on the marital home that your DH has used to reduce his contribution, that's not particularly fair on you.

Squitten Tue 27-Aug-13 15:35:33

x-post - just read what Dahlen said so ignore what I said!

I would stick to my own mortgage in future if I were you

HappyMummyOfOne Tue 27-Aug-13 15:37:00

He's not stolen it, its been paid direct to the mortgage provider on the house they both live in. He has lied about the reduction in payment though which is what they now need to resolve as adults.

Perhaps a review of finances is due. I know some like seperate accounts but you would have seen the cheaper mortgage payment if you had a joint bill account. You could still keep your own but transfer 50/50 each to cover both mortgages and bills and leave your spending money in your own personal accounts if you like things that way.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Tue 27-Aug-13 15:42:34

The money isn't 'missing' HotCrossPun.

Shade paid it directly into the mortgage account.

When you pay a lump sum (in most instances) the bank recalculates how much you need to pay per month to pay it off over the time of the mortgage (ie the period of time they are happy to lend you money). If you want to finish your mortgage earlier than that, you need to tell your mortgage provider that you want to keep your monthly payments the same (effectively over paying each month & thus paying it off early).

He didn't do this, so for the next however many years, he would be paying £45 less per month, if this continued the mortgage would not be paid off early and he would have effectively used Shades money to fund his daily living instead of reducing the period of the mortgage.

Why he thought he could 'get away' with this or why he would want to is beyond me though.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Tue 27-Aug-13 15:47:12

He was pushing to pay the mortgage off early, so he would have been well aware of the fact that him doing what he was doing, was actually, really, stealing from shade. I would find that very difficult to get past.

As Dahlen said, whilst the properties would be seen as 'joint' if they divorced, when there are two houses like this often 'one for him/one for her' is applied and when there is only one name on each mortgage they might each be left responsible for 'their own mortgage' & so shade should look after her own position rather than his.

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