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to think you shouldn't post pictures of someone else's DC to Facebook without asking permission?

(82 Posts)
LouiseD29 Tue 27-Aug-13 01:55:56

Possibly being a bit over tired and pfb, but have been having visitors over the past few days to meet my divine week-old DD. Am knackered, but pleased to see everyone and understand they all want pictures of themselves holding the baby. But now they've all started popping up all over Facebook and it's just really winding me up. Not sure exactly why, I just feel it's really rude to broadcast pictures if someone else's baby without even asking first! AIBU?

thebody Tue 27-Aug-13 22:38:21

I can understand how you feel but its a loosing battle really.

noone is that interested in other people's children to be honest unless they are friends/family.

your baby is big news to a small circle of friends/family so enjoy it.

don't let Facebook get to you this early😄😄

Littleen Tue 27-Aug-13 22:23:36

I think it depends on who it is and how old your child is! I wouldn't really mind friends and family putting up pics of my child - as long as they were dressed etc. and not in a completely open forum/profile. Some privacy with pictures should be expected, but in a "just for friends" facebook profile for example, it'd be alright for me personally.

I think the sensible thing would be to ask the parent first, if the child is under 12. If the child's over 12, then you'd want to ask the child for sure.

EllaFitzgerald Tue 27-Aug-13 21:53:31

I don't think you're being pfb at all. I wouldn't dream of putting a photograph of anyone, adult or child, on any internet site unless I had their permission to do so. It wouldn't even occur to me that anybody would 'do' anything with the pictures, but it's up to the parents to decide whether their child has their photos on public display or not, not some well meaning friend or relative.

It's the same with adults. I don't have a fb page, I don't put photos of myself on any Internet site because I don't want them out there and my DH knows never to put pics of me on his fb page. On our wedding invites, we even included a request not to put any photos of me on fb. (My DH doesn't feel this way and really doesn't care) And yet I still had several people put photos of me on their walls because they didn't understand why I wouldn't want them to be there. The point is that I just don't and I don't have to provide a satisfactory explanation of why I don't. And if someone thinks that it's acceptable behaviour to ignore that fact, then they are incredibly rude.

Sorry, I get a real bee in my bonnet about this subject!

Maryann1975 Tue 27-Aug-13 21:46:53

I get that it's your baby and you have the final say in matters regarding what happens to your baby, but I'm not sure how it works saying you never want a picture of your child appearing on Facebook. You may know that none of your friends have posted pictures as you have access to their profiles, but you don't know if someone else took a photo of your child in the school play or at the park or a birthday party. I am more concerned about these photos as I don't know who has access to them than photos my friends post of my children as I trust the people on my friends list as I know them. Do that make sense? Im Just not sure you can stop pictures of your children ever appearing on Facebook unless you stop them going out the front door.

EldonAve Tue 27-Aug-13 21:34:25

YABU. Ask/tell them when they take the photos or just say no photos thanks

LackingEnergy Tue 27-Aug-13 21:26:35

Wow guess I should remove all the pics of my Dniece and Dnephew (all pics set to friends only) from all our days out over the years.... Yeah, really isn't going to happen unless Dsis tells me to which she isn't

YAB sort of U If you don't want your dc to ever have a photo on facebook that YOU haven't put there then never let them leave the house or go anywhere with their friends (when they're old enough to have them) or family.

They are your family and friends. They want to share special moments with their family and friends, they choose to do this via facebook.

RubyrooUK Tue 27-Aug-13 20:32:32

I don't tend to post pictures of other people's children on Facebook unless I know they are happy with it or they are prolific photo posters who have shared pictures of my DC. I also don't post photos of anyone who isn't on Facebook themselves.

I also work with social media and don't find the future particularly alarming. I actively like the way my aunt in Canada and another in Norway can discuss who my baby looks like on social media by commenting on my photo. I loved when friends posted lovely comments and photos after visiting my recent newborn. Having said that, I only post rarely as I don't want to bore everyone rigid. grin

I am more concerned about the lack of sense current teenagers show in what they post. I have several teen cousins who post not-cryptic-enough messages about sex, parties and drugs without much thought of how easy this is for future employers to access. That is doing a lot more damage in my eyes than some boring photos of them at a party as children would be.

mymagaret Tue 27-Aug-13 19:48:03

I totally agree with your reaction. She is your baby and for a while yet you will be making all her decisions for her. I don't want anybody posting photos of my baby online, if they were really concerned what she looked like they would come over and visit her in person. I think facebook is full of nosey people waiting to judge , I want my baby to stay out of that for as long as possible.

DancingLady Tue 27-Aug-13 19:34:26

YABU. It's just a photo, and if it bothers you ask to be untagged/have the photo taken down. But if a friend took offence at my putting up a photo of their baby I'd think they were being a bit paranoid and weird... YOU might think YOUR baby is the most gorgeous/stealable precious bundle in the world - no one else gives a shit, really. smile

Turniptwirl Tue 27-Aug-13 19:26:49

Did you state that you didn't want photos on fb? If not then yabu to think people wouldn't post them but ywnbu to politely ask for them to be removed.

If you did make your wishes clear then yanbu and should definitely remind people and tell them to remove them.

If you have posted pics on fb of dc yourself then yabu to expect others not to imo

BackforGood Tue 27-Aug-13 18:33:12

YANBU - I would never put a photo of anyone else's children on FB (without specifically checking about a specific photo if I did want to) and I expect others to show me the same respect.

FondantNancy Tue 27-Aug-13 18:05:41

OK, just one 'implication'...

Facebook tracking cookies are still active when you log out. This means that all the activity you partake in outside of Facebook is still 'sent' to Facebook. This means that Facebook has a huge store of info about each user - sites they visit, what they buy, what they do in their spare time etc. At best, this could be used as targeted advertising. At worst - well, haven't you read 1984?!

Facebook says that they do this to improve your FB experience. But they're a private, moneymaking enterprise and what they do with this data is up to them.

I'll admit I'm a little tinfoil hat about social media. But I work in this field and what I read is scary.

Dackyduddles Tue 27-Aug-13 17:47:48

Interesting. Am wondering if age of mum a factor too? Do younger ones mind less?

Jengnr Tue 27-Aug-13 17:43:40

I always ask first as I know people are weird about it but seriously, it's a photo.

'Implications of social media'? Like what?

Obviously people who need to hide etc have good reason but I'd imagine those people don't have an online profile so it's no big deal.

soverylucky Tue 27-Aug-13 16:28:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FastWindow Tue 27-Aug-13 16:12:35

busycee my sentiments exactly.

Dylanlovesbaez Tue 27-Aug-13 16:09:36

YANBU! We had this issue with mil. There are no pictures of dd on Facebook, we made that decision before she was born as we were finding privacy settings changed regularly without our knowledge. Mil did not ask but put picture on Facebook, we asked her to take it down and she got very arsey. It's not that we don't want friends to see pictures of dd and we understand that mil would want to share pictures but when her friends 'like' a picture, that then becomes visible for their friends and so on! It's also very easy to take pictures from Facebook, I know that's worse case scenario but really anyone can access them. It wasn't her place to make that decision about our daughter. I do think people should ask first.

FondantNancy Tue 27-Aug-13 15:59:44

Curlew - I'm willing to bet those pictures won't be around forever. Images on the internet will be. Like I say, it's possible we have no idea of future implications of social media.

curlew Tue 27-Aug-13 15:49:13

"Totally different, curlew. Photos on a mantelpiece can't be copied/manipulated, shown to the world and his wife or used for advertising."

Well. I have sent pictures of my children all over the world- I know that a picture of my dd was on my cousin's desk in a busy reception desk of a big hotel in America. I bet more people saw that than say any of my Facebook pictures. And as for manipulation and advertising- does this happen? And if it does- so what?

gordyslovesheep Tue 27-Aug-13 15:35:08

really wouldn't bother me at all - it's a picture - it's not the actual child - so I am not really worried about people seeing a picture

FondantNancy Tue 27-Aug-13 15:29:01

Someone asked what the problem is (for those of us who don't want pictures up). Here's my problem:

1. Social media is still a huge and evolving experiment. No one knows the implications of having their photos/info in a huge database. Each to their own, but the level of information people feel comfortable sharing truly shocks me when they really don't know how it'll be used. Technology's evolving so quickly that there are possibly implications none of us can imagine right now.

2. I'd like to give my DC a choice about how they appear/are presented online. Once they're teenagers they can make that decision on their own. Until then, I'm keeping them offline.

silverten Tue 27-Aug-13 14:03:53

Totally different, curlew. Photos on a mantelpiece can't be copied/manipulated, shown to the world and his wife or used for advertising.

curlew Tue 27-Aug-13 13:17:49

Because I have a different relationship with school than I do with my mother?

What about framed baby photos, and Christmas cards with family groups on. Are you saying that people shouldn't display them on their mantelpieces? After all, you don't know who'll come into their living rooms and see them, do you?

LillethTheCat Tue 27-Aug-13 13:00:36

Schools have to have the permission of the parents to use photos so why not others? Its just good manners to me.

Goldenhandshake Tue 27-Aug-13 12:48:17

I am on the fence with this one, however a few posters have mentioned instances of people posting photos as soon as the baby is born, before the parents have even made an announcment of birth, this is one of my major bug bears. I am expecting DC2 in April and am already feeling resentful that I will need to add an addendum to any calls we make asking people to not announce on FB etc until we have/we are ready.

I do find facebook sucks the life out of any major event such as weddings, births etc.

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